Why you should stay single after a breakup — and why it’s probably even a better choice for men than it is for women. Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster. Here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriends.

So, if you are extremely heartbroken right now, then being single is probably the last thing on earth that you think is a great thing to aspire for. In fact, I’m sure you’ve at least heard of rebound relationships before, or maybe you’ve been in one already, or your ex-girlfriend has been in one, or you’ve been dating a woman who treated you as a rebound. It’s so common for people to get back into relationships shortly after a breakup that it became a pop culture term. Not just that, some people even believe that rebound relationships are a good way to get over an ex.

But I think that is terrible advice, and especially for men, the best course of action after a breakup is to remain single. Now, of course, men have it more difficult to find a partner after a breakup, so depending on your personality, you may not even bother trying anyway because you think it’s pointless. Whereas for some other men, you may think, well, especially BECAUSE it is so difficult to find a girlfriend, you may feel tempted to try right away to date again because you’re feeling desperate and you think, the sooner you try, the better. Kind of like hunting for a job… You often can’t expect to find a job right away, right? Even if you apply for a company, they may take weeks to even get back to you, then to schedule the first interview, and so on.

Whatever your personality style or philosophical view of your current situation, and how attractive and valuable you consider yourself on the sexual marketplace, one thing will always be true about men: We are predispositioned to be alone, or rather, our personalities are geared towards being independent.

To a man, our independence is a part of our masculine identity, because independence means that you are competent. If you are able to survive on your own, put food on your table, and perhaps even be highly successful financially, then it is an indicator that you are an attractive man who will be desired by many women. So traditionally, but even now in the modern world, men orient themselves towards thriving towards independence as individuals. There is a reason why the term “mama’s boy” is used as a derogatory term. When you are seen as a weak man, who has to depend on his mother to solve his problems, women tend to not respect you and will not want to date you.

So, fundamentally, at the core of a man’s identity, being single is not necessarily a bad thing, and to be precise, being single can be a good opportunity to become more self-sufficient, to regain strength after a breakup, which you surely need a lot of right now. After all, if you just had a breakup very recently, then that means that you are feeling VERY weak, insecure, uncertain about your next steps in life, and quite frankly, dating another woman is the worst thing you could possibly do if you have not redefined your identity. 

I’m sure you’re aware of the stereotype that people who got a new haircut or colored their hair are going through a life crisis. It’s not just an overexaggerated stereotype. It happens quite often! When I was… I guess about 18 years old or so, my first girlfriend broke up with me, and I was going through my first mini crisis, and I got a haircut with yellow and red colors, so basically, I looked like the German flag LOL!

We do these kinds of things because we are trying to rediscover who we are, or rather, we are trying to reinvent ourselves because a large part of our identity was tied to your ex. This is why you should stay single and try to find the good side of being single. If you just had a breakup very recently, then I’m sure you deeply miss your ex-girlfriend and you wish you could get back together, or you are trying to find something similar with another woman.

But the best thing that you can do is to wait, stay single, and first see how you can create something new for yourself. And then, once you have at the very least taken the first few steps towards a new identity, or even better, once you feel comfortable with that new identity, that’s when you should consider dating another woman again.

So if you are currently thinking a lot about your ex-girlfriend, or if you’re thinking about dating again, first ask yourself if you feel comfortable with your current personal identity, and if not, then ask yourself what are some next good steps to feel more comfortable with your current situation. And of course, ask yourself these questions while making sure you don’t include the idea of having any woman by your side. Being single isn’t so bad after a breakup, it can be a great time for yourself.

Going back to the idea earlier, that you can look at breakups and dating from the perspective of it taking quite a long time, and it not being easy. That is absolutely true… But I think just like when you’re out of a job, you shouldn’t just go for the scraps and desperately try to find the next-best job, or in this case, the next-best woman and relationship. Of course, the goal after a painful breakup is to position yourself in a way that you won’t go through another broken heart in the future. And you want to find a woman who is more attractive, kind, and smart than the last. 

Because, the whole point of relationships is that we invest in each other. We help each other grow and become better people. We make sacrifices for each other to reach the next stage in life. We accept each other’s imperfections, and support each other to become our best selves despite our shortcomings. 

So even if the last girlfriend wasn’t perfect, you were growing together. But now, you have to start from scratch. Just like a new job expects more from you, but also should pay more and offer you more opportunities, because you’ve grown, the next girlfriend should also provide you more than the last. You should find a new great girlfriend, and then you should grow together, and have your long-term loyalty be rewarded. So when you’re newly single, you should recognize that now is a great time to increase your value to women, and position yourself to find a great woman who will be loyal to you, and you will do the same for her. You’re ready to start the next long-term stage of your life, where you will grow like crazy with an amazing woman.

And the first step should be to reassess your life, and to work hard on the things that you’d now like to change and improve. And by staying single, you’re giving yourself time to actively invest in these goals and prove yourself to high quality women. Because the reality is that if you actually have worked hard on yourself, and you’re making decent amounts of money, and on top of it, you’re taking care of yourself, maybe you even have a decent physique with some visible muscles, then women will automatically see your value. And a really great woman is going to be excited about the thought of being with you. 

And then, you can start that new life together, and make long-term commitments, filled with irreplaceable loyalty. I think you already know how much it hurts to lose a woman. You’re no longer dedicated to each other, for whatever reason that may be. So your goal should be to work hard on yourself, so you never have to be in this situation again. Become attractive, learn to be a great listener, build a great business or upgrade your career. And when the time is right, when your results start to show, the next great woman probably shows up without you even realizing it. So, before you think about dating again, perhaps think about the benefits that you could gain from staying single right now. I’d love to hear your ideas. What are some great things that you could try while you’re still single? What’s a great goal to achieve? There are so many ways how you can make the most out of being single and finding the positive aspect of having time to develop yourself into a highly attractive man.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.