When your ex girlfriend got a new boyfriend — how to move on from such a stab in the heart? Hey guys, welcome back to my little Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster. Here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. So let’s talk about it.
Man, what you’re going through right now is tough. I can actually imagine what it’s like, I’ve had an ex before who found a new boyfriend like… A few days after our breakup or maybe on the second day… I hope your breakup wasn’t that bad, but either way, I’m sure ever since you found out that she’s dating someone new, your spirit must be absolutely crushed.
So first of all, let’s take a breather… I know you must be going through more pain than you ever thought was possible. Oh my fucking God! It doesn’t even matter if your ex had a new boyfriend after a week, a month, or maybe even let’s say 3 months, or 9 months. It just hurts so much knowing that she found someone new already. But even worse, let’s be real, it’s not even so much about the other guy, is it? It’s about the fact that life just goes on for her. But for you, it’s like everything is frozen in time. All the plans that you had, the hopes and dreams, maybe you wanted to get married, have kids, move in together, go on some special vacation – whatever it is – you were looking forward to make all of these big plans together. And now, she’s gone. And it’s almost as if she’s already making brand new plans. As if moving on is the easiest thing to do in the world.
There’s actually a song from a popular German band about that. I’ll include a link to the song plus English translation in the description. Maybe give it a listen. It’s a great song about exactly that feeling. And yea, it talks exactly from that perspective. In that song, the frontwoman of the band sings about the fact that to her ex, he’s going places with the new girl, he’s buying the house on the lakeside, meanwhile, she can’t even get through a day without taking medication.
Fortunately, I never had to take medication after a breakup, but, I really know that feeling that you’re going through. That feeling of… It’s almost like your body doesn’t want to move forward. It’s as if it’s rejecting the idea of moving on. Like how the hell is any of this possible? This is not how it was supposed to be!
So how do you move on from something so painful? When it feels like you’re left behind. Not just left behind by your ex. But you’re quite literally behind in the process of feeling happy again. And then you see your ex, and she’s doing just fine. It’s that gut feeling that you’re not good enough that hurts so much and makes you question everything about yourself.
The truth is, I don’t have a simple answer for that. I don’t know if anyone has. What I do know is that healing takes time. Even if your ex girlfriend is with another man, it doesn’t really mean that she is happy. Or that she’s fully moved on or processed everything. That girl of mine who had a new guy right away? Guess how long that one lasted… Maybe a few weeks. And then she had another… And another.
And even if were the case that she had just moved on, it’s not a reflection of who you are as a man. It’s really easy in a situation like yours to beat yourself up, to look for what’s wrong with you and how it’s so easy to move on from a relationship with you. And look, the reality is, sometimes one ex partner cares more about the other and vice versa. That’s unfortunately just life. I once got left behind by a woman in the worst way possible, where she lined up dudes long before we broke up. And once, I was the one who ended it with some girl who loved me a lot and I absolutely broke her heart when I left her and moved on with ease. I wasn’t dating right away back then, and I wasn’t desperate to talk to a new woman, though I probably could have. It’s hard to say, since it was the start of the pandemic. But yea, sometimes people just want to move on with their lives and don’t miss their ex too much.
It’s the cycle of life. There’s not necessarily a reason to be found in it. Whether you were a couple for 2 months, or 2 years, an ex can move on without remorse and the only thing that you can do about these situations, is to not be so hard on yourself, and just start living your life again. I think the hardest part about the overthinking, and about the questioning of why you were so easy to leave behind, etc. is that it just makes you forget that life isn’t all that bad. That there are good things to be found out there in the world. And your ex, is currently already looking at all of those good things and trying to make these great things a part of her new life.
Meanwhile, the only thing that you’re looking at, is all the pain that you’re consumed with. You’re trying to make sense of something, that may only make sense to you in a year from now. Or in two. As they say, the older, the wiser. And so, sometimes it’s a good idea to just give everything some space for you to re-evaluate and reflect on it again, maybe in a few months from now. And instead of trying to make sense of everything, try to see how you could copy your ex-girlfriend’s behavior. Not by just finding a new girl. That’s not a good strategy. You probably don’t even want that, and it’s definitely not a great idea given your likely state of turmoil. You’ll only jump from one unhappy relationship to another.
But, your ex is doing ONE good thing. She’s creating a new life. New possibilities. New things to explore. And that’s what you should do. So, I’d love to hear in the comments, if there’s one thing that you’d like to try or do in the next year.
If you were to try and find something else to focus all your energy on, and redirect your thoughts to a new big agenda, what would that be? Would it be playing the guitar? Would it be learning how to ride a motorbike and then go on roadtrips? Idk man, there’s so many things that all of us could try out. And I’ve been guilty of this myself… Overthinking about the things that hurt me, that just lead nowhere, when I could be going out of the door tomorrow, try something new, that maybe doesn’t even cost a lot of money, and I’d immediately have more fun, excitement, positive mood, and so on in my life. And yea, that is easier said than done. But that’s what we need to be aware of consciously, and then consciously get over that fear to take a first step in a new direction, and to stop that constant overthinking process. I know it isn’t easy, but as always, I believe in you guys.
Right now, you have the power to make an impactful change. A much better change than your ex-girlfriend, in fact. I know it really isn’t easy because she’s got a new guy, but find some solace in the fact that she’s probably making a bad choice, and you, right now, can position yourself for a much better future, because you’re taking the much-needed time to first reflect on the relationship, your life, and to set a new direction that makes sense for you.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.
