How long should you wait before dating after a breakup? Is it different for you as a man compared to women, or should you try to get back on the dating market as soon as possible? Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster. In this little corner of the internet, I talk about moving from ex-girlfriends, for guys.

Alright so, before getting into the topic, I guess I’ll first acknowledge that I’m well aware that the type of viewers on this channel can vary a lot. Some of you had your breakup 2 days ago. Some of you broke up 3 months ago, and likewise… For some of you, maybe you just had your first serious relationship followed by your first really painful breakup, whereas some of you are let’s just say, at least a little bit used to breakups. So, depending on your personality, dating experience, age, and so on, getting over a relationship with a girl can be easier or harder for you. And likewise, some breakups just hurt way more than others. 

So if you’re watching this, and you couldn’t possibly think about dating a new woman because you still miss your ex girlfriend way too much, then that’s ok. Likewise, if some of you just don’t care and you’re relieved that you can finally date again and move towards a better direction in life, then obviously, you could probably start dating right now. But, well, maybe you should consider being respectful towards your ex-girlfriend if you just broke up a day ago, but you feel OK with dating again, well… First of all, that probably would be extreme, but let’s hypothetically say you have a valid reason for having moved on already, your ex girlfriend may not yet have moved on, and maybe you’d want to lay low a little bit so she doesn’t get the shock and heartbreak of her life. You get idea, be reasonable if the breakup hasn’t been too hard on you.

Now that said, this post probably is more for you if you struggled with the breakup at least to some degree and perhaps you are still missing your ex-girlfriend. So, how long should you wait before you date again? Some people say “to get over someone, you should get under someone”, but that has been proven to be false. The simple answer is that balance is the best approach after a breakup as a guy. Rebound relationships, or rather, relationships within the first year after a breakup have been found to have little benefit for men, whereas for women, I suppose you could say that there is a fake benefit… Women gain more self-esteem from a rebound relationship, but even that is fleeting, after all, rebound relationships don’t last. 

So what this means is that within the first year of a breakup, it’s much better to simply focus on yourself and discovering who you want to be as a man and as a result, of course you’d also reflect on what type of woman you’d like to date in the future. Clarity is king to overcome breakups.

Of course, this one year timeframe is more applicable to long-term relationships. If you have only dated a girl for 3 months and you’re struggling to move on and start dating again without treating the next girl as a temporary replacement for your ex, then it’s a sign that you aren’t resilient enough and that you most likely get too easily attached to a relationship.

This distinction is probably the most important one… Of course, every relationship is different. The length and importance of the relationship plays a lot into your experience. But whatever time frame I would give you as a general advice, the even more generally applicable advice would be to only start dating when you feel like you are not trying to replace your ex-girlfriend. And with replacing your ex-girlfriend, I don’t only mean that you are trying to replace her as a person. Some men simply want to have another girlfriend because they struggle with being single. So neither should you try to replace your ex-girlfriend, nor should you try to find a replacement simply because you’d rather not be alone.

Don’t get me wrong, new relationships are the best way to move forward in life. A great relationship is one of the best things that can happen to a man for his goals in life. But it’s best to take the first crucial step of rebuilding your life, your self-esteem, confidence, and especially your hopes and dreams… Some of which were probably shattered by the breakup. And then once you know who you’d like to be as a man, that’s when you can start dating again. You don’t have to have everything figured out, of course, that’s unrealistic and never an obtainable goal. You just need to go in the right direction, so you can find a woman to walk in that same direction with you.

The simplest answer is probably this: If you are feeling the urge to date, then it’s not the right time to date. Some of the best relationships begin in a spontaneous fashion, either because they are not planned, or because you didn’t have a strong urge to date, but then you met a woman who just felt right for you and there was no pressure. 

I love dating where the relationship with the woman feels so incredibly light. It’s completely different from applying pressure when dating. The best point in time to start dating is that sweet spot, where you are happy again, you’re Ok to be single but if you’d bump into a cute woman and if you’d have great chemistry, you’d immediately hit it off, you’d go on a date with her, and barely a month later you’re seriously dating.

So if you just had a breakup very recently, and you feel like you “have to make a relationship happen”, then it’s perhaps a little too soon. Maybe the best time to start dating, is when opening a dating app, going on blind dates, or starting a random conversation with a woman at who knows where, at a store, a coffee shop, or at a bar… If the idea of doing any of these things sound more like fun, rather than a chore or something you HAVE TO do, that sounds to me like it’s about the right time. 

Certainly, one indicator, if we look at it in relation to your ex-girlfriend… If you’ve ever had that moment, where you can’t even remember when the last time was that you thought about her, that’s definitely the right moment. Even if that’s only been like a month, and then you realize… “Oh…! It’s been a while since I thought about her…”

I’m sure if it’s only been a month, then you’re still early in the healing process, and I bet it’ll hurt again to think about her, but I would assume at that point, you’re ready to start dating again. When you can have prolonged time going on without thinking about her, that’s when you’re basically starting to get over her, and it’s safe to date, in the sense that you won’t be rebounding, or screwing up, or comparing the new girl to your ex, and so on.

Of course, there can also be the reverse, of being single too long, but that type of urge to start dating again should feel more like “time is running out and I should find a girlfriend already or I’ll be forever alone”… I think, if you no longer excessively think about your ex, that is the sweet spot. When you don’t include her in any decisions about dating another woman, and when it just no longer matters that she’s gone. Where are you in your own timeline?

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.