The 4 reasons why you can’t get over your ex girlfriend — getting over an ex really isn’t easy — even if you’re an extremely resilient man, you’re going to struggle to move on from the girl that you loved more than anything you could imagine. But there are a few things you can do that make it easier for you to move on from her. So let’s speed blitz through a few reasons why you might be struggling to get over your ex-girlfriend. 

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriends. Alright, so, many of you guys are probably really feeling messed up after your breakups. You probably can’t sleep, can’t stop thinking about your ex-girlfriend, you want her back so badly, you often cry or become emotional practically out of the blue and so many more things that make you go insane.

So, I want to talk about four reasons why you probably are struggling so hard with the breakup, and every idea will be building on top of each other a little bit. A lot of these ideas are just basic ideas that I talk about more in-depth in my book, so for more scientific breakdowns of some of these problems, you can get my book.

You are not distancing yourself from your ex-girlfriend

So, reason number one: You are not distancing yourself from your ex-girlfriend. This has a lot to do with not properly trying to accept that the breakup happened, and acting a little bit like you are still in a relationship with her. A lot about moving on has to do with acceptance, and coming to terms with the fact that the relationship is over. When you don’t do that, you will often randomly think about your ex-girlfriend, go through scenarios of what you could have said and done differently, and you will often reminisce about the good times during the relationship.

This also includes things such as looking at old photos, actively remembering and anticipating her birthday or other important dates like Christmas or New Year, where you feel tempted to reach out to her, and so on. Effectively, when you had a breakup with a woman, you have to really let her go, and get rid of the things that connected you to her. This includes pictures, belongings, maybe even clothes she gave you.

The point is to no longer remind yourself in conscious or even subconscious ways about her when you least expect it. It should be common sense that moving on is more difficult the more often you expose yourself to her, such as still looking at her social media profiles, but of course, when you miss an ex-girlfriend, you don’t see it that way and you’d rather get closer to her because you miss her, rather than distancing yourself from her.

You don’t reflect on the relationship and its good and bad parts

The second reason, which builds upon distancing yourself from her, is that you don’t reflect on the relationship and which parts of it were good and bad. Of course, in order to really distance yourself from an ex-girlfriend and eventually find the determination to move on from the relationship, first you need to analyze what you can learn from the relationship and how you can come to some form of a conclusion or closure.

Closure is usually not something you will get in tandem with your ex-girlfriend. She won’t provide it for you. She won’t sit down with you to talk about things that went wrong, and give you that one big moment that you’re hoping for, that will make it all “okay” again. 

So rather than trying to get closure in tandem with her, you yourself have to look at the relationship holistically and assess what was good about it that you’d like to have again in the future, preferably even better in the next relationship.

At the same time, you have to be honest with yourself and look at the bad sides of the relationship and especially your ex-girlfriend, to recognize that she wasn’t perfect and perhaps there were some pretty obvious red flags or mistakes that shouldn’t happen again in the next relationship.

As much as most relationships were better than they were worse, they always should teach us how to move forward and continue to live a better life and how we would like to become a better man in the future.

You’re not setting new goals for yourself

This leads to reason number 3. You’re not getting over your ex because you’re not setting goals for yourself. Of course, once you have gotten some distance from your ex-girlfriend and once you’re able to see a little bit more objectively what she was like as a partner and how your life didn’t always benefit from the relationship, then now it’s time to set some goals of how you would like to change things for the future.

You should identify how a better relationship in the future would look like. What type of woman would you like to date the next time around? And then, once you have identified what you would like to change about your life, you will need to assess whether you are currently far or close to these goals. Are you the type of man who can create the results he’d like to achieve? Are you attractive enough to get the woman of your dreams? Were you doing things in your last relationship that will also be a problem for your next girlfriend?

And what are the personal goals and interests that you’d like to pursue to feel happy about yourself, independent of another woman being your girlfriend? Do you want to become muscular and be able to deadlift heavy weights that you can’t lift right now? Do you want to be able to do a calisthenics L-Sit or other crazy pullup bar holds? Do you want to become flexible and teach about meditation on the side? There’s nothing worse after a breakup, than not having any important goals to pursue, because you are only left with things that hurt. So, you need to replace the pain with more positive things in your life. And goals are a great way to get yourself busy, and in the long-run, achieve them and feel happy, proud, or satisfied about your achievements, or at least, having tried really hard.

You’re not keeping yourself busy enough to forget her

And then lastly, reason number four why you can’t get over your ex-girlfriend, is the conclusion of all other 3 reasons: You are not keeping yourself busy. Of course, setting these goals is extremely important, but all the goals in the world are pointless if you don’t actually try to achieve them. Are you implementing any of the habits that you decided you would make yours? 

Do you have a busy schedule? Or are you often procrastinating, staying at home, or simply thinking about your ex-girlfriend rather than, for example, pumping hard at the gym, or being completely in the zone while you are designing a business plan, a user interface for an app idea that you have, or anything similar that really gets you excited about your own life and your own goals?

Stagnation is one of the biggest reasons why you will miss your ex-girlfriend. If your life isn’t improving, or if you aren’t doing anything of interest, then you will inevitably end up being sad and wish to be back together with your ex-girlfriend. So whenever you can’t stop thinking about your ex-girlfriend, you should always ask yourself whether you are only thinking about her because you have nothing better in your life going on, such as meeting your friends, going on a date, attending a seminar, or a weekly meetup about one of your interests. Lately, I really enjoy walking by the beach… Which honestly, theoretically is super boring, isn’t it… You’re not doing ANYTHING really. Which, I guess is the point. But even that activity is something that’s better than doing nothing. Even if I just get distracted by the waves crashing, and the small bubbles mixing with my feet, it still gives me a nice distraction that I really enjoy.

So, these were the four reasons why you can’t get over your ex-girlfriend. Of course, there can be many more, but these probably summarize the core essentials of why moving on is so difficult for men. As a man, you have to reflect on your relationship, assess everything rationally, and then create a new masterplan for your life. Certainly, if you don’t do any of those, you’ll probably be single for a very long time, because you won’t get much attention from any other woman. This is not to say that you should just find a new girlfriend right away. But of course, eventually, you’ll want to be with a girlfriend again. And eventually, she will make life fun again. But first, you have to find that fun, and become attractive as a man, all on your own.

So recreate your life, enjoy life, feel strong, competent and attractive, and eventually, very soon, you are going to no longer be thinking about your ex-girlfriend, and slowly the memories of her will fade into the background and so will the feelings that you have for her. So, follow these 4 reasons, which you could consider as 4 steps, and get moving with your life. Don’t give up. I know if you follow this advice, in a few months from now, you’ll be proud of how far you’ve come, and who knows, maybe you’ll even be dating another woman again.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.