Why you shouldn’t use no contact after being needy with a girl. Many guys want to win back girls that they turned off, or more likely, you’re probably here because of an ex-girlfriend who no longer wants to be with you. Probably after you’ve been needy. So why do I think you shouldn’t use the no contact rule?
Well, actually, you SHOULD use no contact, but not in the way that most guys think. Let me give you guys some context about what I mean, and what my motivation is for this content.
I generally don’t believe that re-attracting a woman is a great idea. Not because no contact doesn’t work… It CAN work if you do things right. The psychology of it makes sense IN THEORY. But, as you can see with the backdrop of this video… I wrote a book called the No Contact Myth. So clearly, I think that the theory of no contact is different from the reality of using it. So, what makes me say that?
Well, I used to coach men about the no contact rule and I’ve seen the same bad patterns, over, and over. I think most guys who want to get back with an ex-girlfriend, use the no contact rule with the wrong intent, and because of it, they tend to do more harm than good to themselves.
By the way, I guess I should point this out in every video from now. You can actually grab all the worksheets for my book absolutely for free, there’s not even an e-mail signup required or anything like that. Just go to this URL: https://myth-download.andreasgalster.com/
There’s absolutely no catch. I know that this book and topic is quite niche, so I don’t really expect a lot of income from it. It would be nice, obviously. So, if this helps, maybe you will appreciate my book, which you can get on Amazon and many other stores.
But you can also just get the worksheets for free. So if you want to go no contact the right way, for yourself, to move on, and get over your ex-girlfriend, then feel free to grab any of the worksheets. Many are actually inspired by my work with my clients, both by those who got back with an ex-girlfriend, but especially inspired by those who didn’t.
Okay, so, going back to the idea that no contact often does more harm than good, well, actually, it relates quite a bit to what I just said about this book being very niche. So, what’s the thing that I’ve seen very often when I was coaching guys? Usually, my clients rarely did no contact with the mindset of getting space from their ex-girlfriend to get over the heartbreak, get back to a state of calm, and of course, to learn from the relationship mistakes. Most of the time, what I’ve seen in many of the men that I’ve worked with, is that they always just wanted the quick fixes, the quick hacks of what to say or do to … uhh… well… Frankly, often almost manipulate her to get back with them.
Aside from the fact that this is not what I stand for, it’s also not a very good approach to get an ex-girlfriend back. And then, the other problem that I’ve seen SOOO many times in my calls with a lot of men, is that they essentially only wanted to be TOLD that their ex-girlfriend will come back soon.
So, as you can see, the idea of going no contact often starts with a completely wrong intent, and this is why going no contact after being needy often doesn’t make sense. Because the irony is that the way that many, many guys, if not most, I would say, use no contact, is in a very needy way. They don’t use it like a mindset to work on themselves, to learn from the breakup experience, and to keep on moving forward and grow from all the painful shit that happened with an ex-girlfriend.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s not possible. I’ve worked with men who were HIGHLY intelligent, very assertive, resilient, and understood that no contact isn’t really about wishful thinking, manipulation, false promises, or anything like that.
Instead, they would just focus on damage control, in a sense… Not about their ex-girlfriend, but more about themselves. Those types of clients focused on themselves and how the breakup and the whole experience of losing their ex-girlfriend related to THEM. So they thought more about what they could learn, now that they were alone again.
Of course, they had the hope that they could give the relationship another try. They still loved their ex-girlfriend, very understandably. Sometimes they were engaged, married, or had kids. It’s totally fine and I prefer that you fix a relationship like that. Some of them did, some of them didn’t. But what most of those guys had in common, was that they weren’t focused on their ex-girlfriend. Even though, of course, they still loved her. In all kinds of ways. Deeply, desperately, like crazy. Man, I’ve seen heartbreaking stories in some of my clients. Seriously, guys, you have no idea how hard it is to listen to some of those stories and see the pain of the guys who basically lost it all.
But, in the end, those men who weren’t needy with their ex-girlfriend, came out stronger. With or without their ex. They didn’t chase her. They didn’t focus on how to improve themselves for her, instead, they focused on how to rebuild THEIR lives, and sometimes, they got back together. Sometimes it didn’t work out. And guess what? Some of them didn’t even want to get back together after a while. Some of my clients even realized during a coaching session, or after one, that their ex-girlfriend was a terrible woman.
So, long story short… This is my first post and I don’t want to make this too long… Don’t be needy or think that there are any guarantees to use the no contact rule to re-attract an ex-girlfriend. This should never be your goal. If you want to do things right, go no contact with the intent of rebuilding your life. And if your ex-girlfriend fits into the equation, really depends on a person-to-person basis.
You shouldn’t generalize that it’s always a good idea to give a relationship another shot. If the two of you really love each other, and if your issues are resolvable, then it’s going to happen, believe me. Even IF you wouldn’t know anything about the no contact rule and breakup psychology, you’d probably work it out.
And again, for those who don’t want to heed this advice, that’s alright. I’m not saying no contact is pointless. As I’ve said, I’ve seen it work as well. And obviously, if you do more things right, than wrong, that will increase your odds of getting back together. But the worst thing you can do is get your hopes up, and stay stuck in an endless cycle of hoping that you and your ex-girlfriend will get back together. It’s much better if you go no contact for yourself so you’ll feel better. And whether things can work out again in the future, well, you should cross that bridge when you get there.
Anyway, I’ll leave it at that for my first post. Of course, if you want to support my work, then I’ll be extremely grateful if you grab a copy of my book. That’s all I’ve got for you this time, until we make contact again.
