When you have broken heart syndrome about your ex girlfriend. I’m sure some of you guys have been suffering from severe mental and physical health issues due to your breakup, so let’s talk about the worst physical effects of a breakup! Hey guys, welcome back to my little Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and in this little breakup corner, I talk about moving on from ex-girlfriends for guys.

Ok, let’s take a quick breather… I’m sure a lot of you guys are extremely stressed and you can hardly cope with life right now. First of all, let me get this out of the way, I’m not a medical doctor, and this post isn’t meant to be talking about the medical details of Broken Heart Syndrome. There are plenty of great videos produced by doctors and clinics. 

With that out of the way… Broken Heart Syndrome — It sounds almost like a myth or like an anecdotal phrase, but yes, it is indeed possible to have heart problems, or problems with your body due to physical stress. In fact, many years ago, I had a really bad breakup with a girl, and when that happened, she started dating other guys right away, she was partying non stop, well even before the relationship, but also after… And I was extremely stressed.

Eventually, she convinced me to leave the place we were living at, which hmm, in retrospect, I couldn’t even tell you if that was a good or a bad choice, but I was broken back then. I actually stayed with her brother for a few days because I didn’t know where to go and they were quite supportive back then.

Anyway, back then, they had to bring me to the hospital because all of a sudden, my heart or chest muscles were tightening spontaneously and I freaked out completely. I was about 28 years old and never had any health problems before that. The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me and just gave me some medication to calm down. In hindsight, it was probably, in quotes, “only” a panic or anxiety attack, and since I never had experienced a heightened state of anxiety until then, I read more into it than it probably was.

But the point is, as someone who’s suffered from stress-related health symptoms in the past, I can relate to broken heart syndrome. And while I think a vast majority of you will not suffer from as severe symptoms as the literal definition of heart syndrome, which is the phenomenon of the heart muscles weakening and not being able to pump enough blood into your system, I do think that many people, especially anxiously attached men, will suffer from a metaphorical broken heart syndrome. 

The negative effects of a breakup can be quite difficult on both men and women. Actually, women tend to suffer stronger after breakups, which makes sense, since they tend to experience ALL kinds of negative emotions stronger than men. But they also recover much faster than men. Men tend to suffer for LONGER periods of time because they can’t get over the breakup. And some men who are more anxious than others, may suffer especially hard. The problem with extended periods of breakup pain and struggling with a broken heart, is that it essentially turns into a chronic condition. Think logically what would be worse on your body… Having extreme anxiety, maybe even an eating disorder for 1 or 2 months, like a woman… Or having continuous stress, perhaps a little bit lower than a woman’s stress, but that stress will last for 13 months. Of course, the 13 months will be much harder on your body, confidence, and general life happiness.

Man, I remember, back then, I had to perform at the office. I was head of product at a reputable startup in the Philippines. We had offices in most South East Asian countries, and I was overseeing all of our three products. Ironically, it was a pharma-industry startup, so we had many pharmacists working there, and I once asked my coworker if she had a suggestion on what pills I could take to take the edge off my mind, to manage my physical anxiety symptoms, so that I could do my job properly. I’ll never forget the look on her face as I asked her for advice. It was written in her eyes that she felt so sorry for the emotional and physical pain that I was going through. 

Does any of that sound familiar? When your broken heart is starting to take control of your entire life? Now, hopefully, and most likely, none of you will just die from a broken heart. I’m not a doctor, but I would assume it’s quite rare and your body would need to get pushed to extreme stress levels for that to happen, on a very long-term, chronic time period — but of course, in case of doubt, please go see a doctor if nothing is helping to improve your mental or physical state.

The key thing that I want to emphasize here is that when you are suffering from a broken heart, the only thing that will solve the problem is by taking control of your life again. 

And of course, such a statement sounds extremely ridiculous to someone in your situation. When you’re going through unbearable pain and you cannot make sense of anything in your life, a statement of “just get your life in order” isn’t exactly helpful. But the truth is, that the answer is THAT simple. But it’s also complex at the same time.

For most of you, getting your life in order probably won’t be rocket science. Go out to the gym. Start some new type of sport. Try to spend time with friends, who I’m sure you’ve neglected subconsciously because you are too occupied with all the pain. Go out and meet new people, learn something new, try something new, go on a few trips with the goal of having fun, and so on. 

For most people, the only thing that they need to see after a breakup is that life goes on. That your world isn’t over, even if your ex-girlfriend was a big part of that world for a long time. I completely understand that feeling of being completely empty after a breakup, and even small steps to make life better often feel like they are achieving nothing and they’re just hard work that makes you even worse.

I have lived in South East Asia for 10 years, but I actually grew up in Germany. So, for most of my life, I grew up without the beach because large parts of Europe are not by the beach. But when you live in Asia, you always go to the beach, and for most of my time here, I actually have lived by the beach. So, you really start to appreciate the sound of the waves. It’s a really magical feeling. 

And I noticed this crazy phenomenon when I was extremely stressed, that even though I was listening to the sounds of the waves crashing, I knew that it SHOULD make me feel better and calmer almost on autopilot, but it didn’t. Which was such a mindfuck for me.

When we’re at extreme stress levels, like after a heartbreak, simple things that should make us feel better don’t make us feel better, unless we keep on repeatedly embracing those things that have a positive influence on us. When I used to be really stressed, I had to go out of my way to slow down, relax, and lie down by the beach several times. Just going to the beach sporadically, randomly, did not make it better. I had to FORCE myself to enjoy the beach until I COULD enjoy it again.

So one day, after trying really hard to enjoy the beach and be grateful for it, I finally could hear the waves again. It’s hard to put it into words, but if you have something specific that calms you down, you might know what I mean. I couldn’t even properly hear the waves crashing. It literally just turned into random noise that wouldn’t penetrate through all the noise in my head.

I’m sure that is how you’re feeling right now. All that noise, your broken heart, the physical pain, the anxiety, the restlessness, and so on. All of these things are manifesting throughout your body and you feel like nothing is going to make it better. But the truth is, that there ARE things that will make it better. Don’t give up. Don’t stop exposing yourself to good things that would usually bring you happiness, fun, entertainment, and so on. You may not feel it right now. 

But maybe, in a few months from now, if you keep on going, your broken heart will no longer make your entire body and mind feel heavy, and who knows, perhaps by that time, you can hit the ocean and hear the waves crashing again, or if there’s no ocean nearby, maybe you can go into nature, appreciate the chirping of the birds, and so on.

Find your unique form of peace and actively spend your time on it. What I DO KNOW is that you WILL get better as long as you treat yourself kindly and don’t force yourself to rush towards getting better. Instead, find small baby steps to finally feel good again. Take conscious steps to feel better, but don’t freak out if you don’t get the results you want as fast as possible. Healing takes time. So take a step, and don’t give up right away if it doesn’t make you feel better just yet. Maybe in a few weeks from now, or in a few months from now, you will be reaping the rewards of your efforts.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.