When you can’t get over your toxic ex gf? It’s quite the paradox when you think about it, yet so many guys struggle with moving on from an ex-girlfriend who clearly showed a lot of signs of toxic behaviors. So why is it that you cannot move on from an ex even if it’s obvious that there were a lot of toxic red flags? Let’s talk about it.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. So, you can’t move on from your ex-girlfriend even though she’s been very toxic during the relationship? I am sure some guys reading this post might actually instinctively think that it’s stupid to be unable to get over a toxic girlfriend, but I think there are essentially two types of toxic girlfriends.
Either you have been with a toxic girlfriend who always caused you a lot of problems, for example, maybe she was extremely jealous and often caused a scene, and eventually you hit a breaking point where even though you loved her, at that specific point, you no longer wanted to put up with her irrational toxic behaviors. You probably fall into the category of guys who can’t empathize with guys who struggle to get over such a toxic girlfriend. It probably seems obvious to you, that any guy in this situation should just move on. But the reality is, that not everything the girlfriend did was done on purpose, or I guess, you could say, the girl didn’t fully control her actions because maybe she was immature.
In the second category of toxic ex-girlfriend, I’m sure you were with a woman who didn’t just have toxic behaviors that were acted out on impulse, but instead, her behaviors were calculated to make you miserable. If you were in such a relationship, your ex-girlfriend probably always tried to assert control over you, and her most important goal was to have as much power over you, so that she could determine what would be Ok and not Ok in the relationship.
Such a relationship just doesn’t work for a man, because as a man, even if you may not yet have learned to assert your needs in a relationship with a woman, instinctively you know it feels wrong when you aren’t the one who is the leader in the relationship. Most women want their man to be pro-active, to guide the way, and even if a woman may have her own alpha-male-like ambitions, she will still appreciate a man who knows how to take charge to improve the relationship. But not so much with a toxic woman whose main priority in the relationship was to control you.
If this was the relationship that you were experiencing, then I’m sure there were a lot of finely architected ups and downs to the relationship. Of course, no relationship can last forever if it’s always toxic, so it’s very likely that your ex-girlfriend often gave you very extreme moments of happiness and love, and then followed by extreme moments of drama, fights, and a lot of anxiety.
When you get stuck in such a relationship, you often don’t even realize how hooked you end up becoming on all the happy moments in the relationship, and by the time that it finally ends, you will be addicted to the good parts of the relationship. And at the moment that the relationship ends for good, your brain has practically been trained to expect another rush of good and happy emotions. But this time, you aren’t getting any of that. This time, your ex-girlfriend has decided to no longer give you another cycle of good moments. She probably has decided to move on to another guy because the cycle of good to bad no longer works the way she likes. I’m sure by the time that the relationship ended, at least 60% of your time together, if not more, have been unhappy.
By that time, switching back to a cycle of love and happiness didn’t last long enough, and to your ex-girlfriend, it makes more sense to start a new toxic relationship cycle with another man. I know this sounds quite terrible and the thought of your ex-girlfriend finding another guy gives you extreme anxiety. Even if you know that your ex was extremely toxic, it doesn’t matter to you. You are addicted to the good moments, and you can’t believe that your ex finding someone else would be good for you.
Right now you’re essentially emotionally drained. You’re no longer getting any good impulses from your ex-girlfriend, so it’s almost as if you are on withdrawal, even worse than it would already feel with a breakup with a non-toxic ex. The crucial thing to get over a toxic ex, when you’re effectively hoping to get your emotional high that you’d usually get, is to find something else to get that emotional high. Women are actually extremely good at this after breakups, though they tend to focus far too much on short-term gratifications, rather than trying to build up emotional highs that actually last.
Your ex girlfriend isn’t coming back, or even if she is, you really shouldn’t take her back, since she’s toxic, right? So you now have to go on a self-discovery journey to find something that works for you that gives you something to enjoy. The hardest part after a breakup with a toxic ex girlfriend is that we often have forgotten what it even feels like to continuously be in a happy, light-hearted, stress-free mood.
Toxic relationships are a living nightmare because you’re always walking on egg shells. You’re so used to living on the edge, that you’ve forgotten how good it feels to enjoy life. For example, anyone who’s ever gotten used to a strong gym routine, especially after a breakup, knows how liberating it feels to finally be at your best again, to feel good about yourself working out, to feel like you’re on top of the world and you’re making solid progress with your life.
This is the feeling that you have to find again after a breakup with a toxic ex-girlfriend. And certainly, don’t look at how your ex is doing, by the way, because if she was one of the calculating toxic type of women, then I guarantee you, she’s probably already happily dating another man because she’s looking for her next abuse victim.
So no matter what you do next, always stay in your lane and go on to discover what brings you happiness. I still remember when I had my own very bad breakup… I used to really not enjoy yoga back in the day because like most guys, I’m just not very flexible. But as I would make yoga my regular routine to de-stress, I became far more flexible than I ever was, and I absolutely loved finally being able to have yoga flows without feeling awkward.
And, well, on a side note, yoga classes are full of gorgeous women, who back then started being into me, so that was another bonus. But you get the idea. When you finally start to appreciate something new and it becomes fun, almost flow-inducing as an activity, that’s when you know you’re on the right trajectory to get over your ex-girlfriend and live your life with lots of positivity, rather than constantly being dragged down by a toxic woman who only makes your life harder.
So try to find something that makes you feel good about yourself, and make sure that you turn that activity into a habit, something that you have to work for, not just something that you get instantly, like an on-demand purchaseable dopamine high.
The best part about finding new things to enjoy isn’t even the fact that you’re having fun, it’s the process of enjoying to get better at something that you love doing. So find something that you love doing. I know right now you’re still struggling because of your ex-girlfriend, but tomorrow is another day. And next week will be better. And the month after that will be even better. So keep going!
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.
