When she destroyed your relationship and left like it was nothing. How to overcome your breakup and move on when your ex-girlfriend practically ruined your relationship with her behavior in the last months, and then after leaving it all in ruins, she’s just gone and moved on with her life as if nothing really happened?! Man, that’s a cruel type of breakup. So, let’s talk about it!

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. So, man, I think I’ve made a bunch of posts about this type of breakup already. I think the pattern of exes just leaving or moving on like it was nothing is quite common, but it’s even more painful as a guy when you had a longer relationship, let’s say at the minimum a year and a half, and for a large part of the relationship, things seemed to be overall fine. Sure, the relationship wasn’t perfect, there probably was the occasional quarrel, and every now and then you may have had a serious fight or a rather unfortunate miscommunication, but when you look back at the initial stages of the relationship, things weren’t so bad. You have so many good memories about the relationship.

Just looking back at all the restaurants you’ve been to, the trips to parks, beaches, mountains, resorts or pools, all the good memories near food streets, maybe even some good nights when you were partying, and even the shopping with her was fun. I am sure as I’m talking about all of this, a lot of great memories are coming up, and I’m sorry guys if that is making you sad. But, I’m sure I’m hitting the nail on the head, right? 

All the memories that come rushing back may feel bittersweet, but they are still sweet. There was a lot of good to be found in the relationship with your ex-girlfriend. Well, at least that is how you feel or felt. But then, when the relationship was reaching its end, maybe the behavior of your ex-girlfriend changed a lot, and things went from being bitter and sweet at the same time, to being extremely bitter all the time because your ex chose war whenever she could? 

I think even with a non-toxic ex-girlfriend, this kind of behavior can be quite normal. Women can become very resentful in the last months of a relationship because they are more likely to blame the problems in the relationship on a man, than it is the reverse for men. Women tend to check out more emotionally when they are unhappy with the relationship, whereas men often feel deep love for their girlfriend, even if they may be very unhappy in the relationship. And because of this, a lot of women are a lot more confrontational than men are when things get really bad. There’s a reason why everybody knows the “nagging girlfriend” or wife stereotype. Obviously, stereotypes are based on real life experience, even if they may at times be overexaggerated. 

But where it gets really bad is when your ex-girlfriend wasn’t just the typical “nagging girlfriend”, but when she really tried to ruin you, your self-esteem, maybe even your reputation after the breakup. It’s really rough when your girlfriend didn’t just nag a little bit because she was displeased, but instead she was practically looking for fights and turned the last months of the relationship into a living hell.

I’ve coached quite a few men who were in relationships and they were very happy, but without even realizing it, their girlfriend turned into a bad woman that they never thought was possible. Or rather, when that happened with my clients, it’s not like their exes turned into terrible women who broke their hearts. Most of their exes were cold-hearted right from the start, but often we don’t see the red flags because the early stages of the relationship, especially during the infatuation period are always fun, loving, passionate, and so on. 

But then, when you eventually have to face the reality that you’re with an extremely cruel woman who has no limits to how far she will go with her nagging, lying, fighting, and general verbal abuse, you can’t even believe what type of woman she is. Realizing how evil your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend is in reality, can be a serious shock to your mind. There’s nothing worse than going from a happy relationship to an absolute breakdown of any civility. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that your ex-girlfriend felt as if ruining your relationship by being as aggressive as possible was the right thing to do, but relationships like this are a blessing in disguise. 

I mentioned that I’ve had several clients who had to deal with awful ex-girlfriends, and believe me, I’ve been on calls with some men who were absolutely devastated when they broke up with their exes… It’s really hard to see a guy being absolutely messed up because his ex has mistreated him like crazy, and despite all of it, I could see that he still loves her and is heartbroken about how the relationship ended. And often, they didn’t even realize how bad their ex was. 

And I can completely see where they were coming from… Even if your ex-girlfriend turned out to be the worst woman on the planet, in the end, you still spent months or years with her, loving her, and believing that the relationship would turn into a happy ending. But some relationships aren’t happy endings, some women aren’t good for you, and the best thing that I’ve seen in my conversations with those clients of mine, was when they realized that the disrespectful behaviors of their ex-girlfriends weren’t normal, justified, and certainly not the behaviors of a woman who knows how to love properly.

If your ex-girlfriend ruined your relationship with her extremely destructive behavior and then left you hanging with lots of grief to cope with, well, eventually it will become a wake-up call that you are lucky to no longer be in the relationship with a woman who has the capacity for extreme evil. 

I am a strong believer in marriage, my dating and attraction book has one whole third about happy relationships, and I’m currently writing another book about male dating principles, and in the introduction chapter, I talk a lot about the benefits of marriage vs non-committal relationships and hookup culture. So, I want men to find happy long-term relationships, and preferably, get married to a great woman.

But I definitely agree that there are SOME women who can make your life a living nightmare, especially if you’d get married to them. Sometimes, getting your relationship destroyed by a self-detonating woman is the best thing that can happen to you because it has shown you her true colors, and rather than finding out what a terrible woman she is in marriage, you will have dodged a bullet to meet a much better woman.

I  know that right after a breakup, when everything is in shambles, perhaps some of your friends even think poorly of you because your ex has tried to paint you in a bad light, then you must be feeling terrible. But don’t neglect that every relationship teaches us an important lesson. And every lesson gets us a little bit closer to the right type of woman and the right type of relationship.

I don’t know how you behaved in your relationship… Perhaps you also made some bad mistakes, and maybe you were too aggressive, or had too many fights… Surely, your ex is not solely to blame, but… You should look at it from this perspective: Do you think you were a bad person? Do you think you tried to do your best and solve your problems, as much as you could, even, if maybe you really couldn’t because you lacked the relationship skills? And then compare this to your ex… What has she done? Did she consciously try to mess with the relationship? Did she go to parties, flirt with other guys, often blame you and become unreasonably aggressive? 

Basically, what was the overall, high level motive or the agenda during the worst times of the relationship. Just because couples can be unloving and make mistakes during heated times, doesn’t necessarily mean that we were a bad person in general. So, if your ex-girlfriend wanted chaos in the relationship, if she was mean-spirited or tried to hurt you on purpose, or anything of those, don’t forget that she probably wasn’t a good woman, and you should just move on with your life, and even be a bit grateful that you are now free to find a woman who doesn’t just seek destruction in a relationship when things aren’t working out.

So if your ex-girlfriend completely ruined your relationship, don’t believe that things won’t get better for you… You’ll feel better in the future, and even realize that she wasn’t as great as you thought. You might even look back on some behaviors at the end of the relationship and think to yourself “Wow… This was pretty messed up what she did”

And of course, also don’t believe that you can’t find a better woman than your last ex-girlfriend. Especially if your ex was very toxic and destructive, then the only way to go from here is up. Most women are nurturing, kind, loving, warm, and even in this day and age, some women can be quite innocent. Good women are out there, and most women don’t want to hurt their boyfriend, or destroy their relationships when they don’t feel happy within the relationship. I write about happy relationships and marriage for a reason. 

A good, happy relationship is a mindset. It’s a choice to be a good partner, because nobody is perfect, we tend to miscommunicate or have different opinions, needs, wants about life… So a good relationship is built on compromises, conscious communication, the willingness to listen, and most importantly… There’s a fundamental desire to do good to our partner. Loving someone is about giving them the best we have to offer, and if your ex-girlfriend couldn’t give that to you, don’t lose hope just yet, because a woman with a much better mindset is out there for you to find. So keep going, you will find a better girlfriend in the future.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.