The danger of no contact: Not all ex-girlfriends are good women. Yea, it’s true guys. Lots of men, do not want to accept that, or they just can’t see it, and because of that, the no contact rule is not always a good idea. Well, I talk a lot about it not being a good idea in general, but… Well, there’s nothing wrong with going no contact to get your life back in order… Even if your ex-girlfriend would be a terrible woman, that would still be a good reason to do no contact. Actually, it’s probably one of the best reasons to do so.
And before I go more into this, let me just preface this with the fact, that of course, for any women watching this, your male exes can be just like that… Not all ex-boyfriends are good men.
Okay, so, what do I actually mean by good women? How do you even know if your ex-girlfriend is a good or bad ex? Well… I’ve coached lots of men on private zoom calls and I’ve seen all kinds of ex-girlfriends, or well… I’ve not always gotten to properly know their exes. Sometimes the examples that I got about the exes were vague, at other times, I really knew the ex-girlfriend of my client quite well, because we had many sessions together and I learned a lot about their background.
So in general, what I’ve seen in my sessions with men, is that… Yea there aren’t really that many categories of women after a relationship. Usually, it’s quite simple to classify. You have the woman who’s upset but actually loved the guy and she’s talking with him again. And eventually, they either get back together, or maybe not. Then you have the woman who’s upset… Like… CRAAAZY upset. And often, for good reason. And sometimes, she just won’t calm down, or maybe more accurately, by the time that she’s forgiven the guy, maybe she’s already dating another guy relatively seriously. Not always, it depends on the situation. But you get the idea.
And then, there was the last category. The bad one. The women who don’t love or value their ex-boyfriend at all. They’re the women who were entitled, toxic, blamed everything on their ex, spent months or years dating lots of other men, sleeping around, and then coming back whenever it would be convenient. Actually, I could make a video about this… narcissism and narcissistic behavior cycles… It’s definitely correlated, but that is a video all by itself, I think. The idea is basically, that some women only treat their ex-boyfriends like a convenience. And, I guess it’s quite important here to go into detail about the differences between men and women.
You probably know it… Women, well, they have it extremely easy in terms of dating men. Assuming that they don’t have crazy high standards. If a woman is reasonable, she’s going to find a boyfriend extremely easily. Every guy wants to date a woman who looks even remotely attractive. We just aren’t that selective. So after a breakup most women can easily find new guys to date. They can sleep around, or, they might be dating seriously. But… actually, statistically, based on a study, most women engage in rebound relationships. I would have to find the exact percentage, it’s in my book, it was something super high like 93% or something like that. Basically, if you had a breakup, you can bet that your ex-girlfriend probably has been dating another guy in the first year. Now, that rebound, also very likely didn’t work out. The statistics about the failure of rebounds was similarly high. Basically, most women do rebounds. And most rebounds fail.
And that’s okay. People are confused after breakups, and they look for something to fill the emptiness. It is what it is. But, some women, they don’t really have only a short period of time, where they feel lonely, depressed, heartbroken, and then look for something, typically another man, who’s going to make them happy again. Instead, there are some women, who just in general, can’t stay in a relationship. They can’t stick to one guy. They will jump from one guy, to another, to another, and somehow, there’s always a problem. And guess what’s going to happen after a while. After let’s say, the third semi-serious guy, she will, in quotes, “give up,” and get in touch with her ex, whom she didn’t want for probably at least a year. Most likely, even more. So, that is one bad type of woman.
The one who comes back super out of the blue, probably when you finally started to move on, maybe you even started dating, and mhhyea you’re not fully over her, so will your new relationship last? Who knows… Maybe, maybe not… But you’re kind of on a good path now and there’s really a chance that this new girl could make you happy. And then, BAM! There she is… Your ex is reaching out… When you didn’t expect it… But now, you are super confused.
You still sort of love her, but you also really like the girl that you’re with. What are you supposed to do? Of course, the simple and best answer, is to stay with the girl, stay on the new path for your life, and not look back. But, the reality is… That’s not that easy, is it? You’ll be confused, divided, and even if it’s unintentionally, you’ll probably sabotage the new relationship without even realizing it, because that girl will probably notice that something’s off, or different. And also, you’ll start to make mistakes or bad choices. Maybe she even knows about your ex… Who knows, but the point is, there will be complications and now, something that was really great, slowly going in the right direction, most likely zero problems, and it all has been ruined.
And, I can still give some women who do this the benefit of the doubt. It’s not easy to know what to do after a breakup. Some women will take a little bit of time to make up their mind that they made a mistake and should have given you another chance.
But then, there are the women, who are truly… well… I think there’s no better word for it, than evil… Yep… Evil women. Some women are evil. They lack something in their heart. There’s darkness. A hole. Lack of a conscience. Whatever you want to call it. Some women, will come back to you, multiple times, or stay in touch with you, and in very subtle ways, they’ll give you feelings of hope, that the relationship could work out again… But nothing ever really develops. You never make real progress… Because, while they’re giving you some sort of sign, really, they’re actually dating other guys. And you are just the validation, or the security blanket so to speak.
The idea that you fully move on from them, is something that they can’t accept. Not while they haven’t found the new guy who is better. There’s just no other way to describe this, than an evil woman. And look, this is not even a gender-type of thing. I mean, it’s a universal awful behavior to play with an ex-partners’ feelings. I don’t care if you’re a man, or a woman, if you give your ex false hope, by messaging them regularly, but you don’t commit to anything with them, not even a date, then you’re an awful person. I’m not talking about YOU guys. I’m saying, in general, people who do this are horrible., It’s just not okay to play with somebody’s feelings.
And yea, you would be surprised of how many women I’ve heard of in my coaching sessions, where, well, I would call most of them narcissistic, and evil like that. Not all of them, of course. But there’s certainly been a lot of cases, where I saw exes use the good-will, and the nostalgic feelings their exes had for them, in order to… bend the rules, let’s say. Like, I once had a client… I’ll probably butcher the exact story here, but basically, the guy and the girl broke up, and they were both based in the US, and then he started working remotely in Mexico I guess I remember it correctly. And he was thinking to do a bigger remote stint moving forward. Basically, his company was okay with him initially to work from Mexico but visit the office occasionally, and then eventually, they were okay with complete remote work.
So he left the US, or the town that they lived in, and then he had the opportunity to go full remote essentially. But before that, he had to make a choice: Does he get rid of all of his things in the town where they both lived, or not? And he was in touch with the girl and he wanted to know from her, if she wanted to properly meet up, talk about things, and discuss how she feels about him… And I remember the girl just didn’t want to commit to that. But she also didn’t give him 0 signs that she didn’t want to be back with him. She basically just hinted, or made it seem as if she still had some feelings for him, but she was confused… And of course, the reality is that probably, she wasn’t really confused, she was just not ready to date him, because she was probably dating another guy.
And look, that of course was her right. He had moved away. They didn’t see each other for a while. But the bottom line is, that when it mattered, and they had a chance to meet up, because he was going back to the town, and then he was making a decision if he’d get rid of all his things, she didn’t really push through. But she also didn’t make it clear that she didn’t want to pursue anything any longer. And so the guy was stuck in a confusing situation.
But, I advised him to just move forward with life, and well, he made that choice. And that was the right decision for him. If he would have been persuaded by her to keep his things there, or, alternatively, I think the idea was that he’s gonna move it to his parents’ house, or maybe pay for storage there… I forgot exactly, but the idea was, the alternative wasn’t optimal. He just wanted to get rid of his stuff and then enjoy life in South America.
And yea, she was not whatI would call a super bad woman, but she also wasn’t a good woman either. She was somewhere in the middle, I guess. And so you can see, even a woman who’s not super awful, can really make your life difficult if you do no contact with the goal and hope to re-attract her. Because the moment that you tie no contact to the outcome of winning her back, well, it’s like a carrot is being dangled in front of your face. You’ll always try to reach it, instead of just focusing on all the other things that are in front of you. And ex-girlfriends can use this to their advantage.
No contact obviously can work to re-attract an ex-girlfriend if your ex is a good woman… And even if she wasn’t the best woman… People can have a change of heart, improve themselves, learn from their mistakes. But you should never try to do no contact just so you can get back with an ex-girlfriend, because you never know whether your ex is a good or a bad woman. You THINK you know that she’s a good woman. From your perspective, she is amazing. You still love her. Every single day without her feels awful.
But sometimes, you may not have the right perspective, and when an ex-girlfriend is a bad woman, and perhaps is just using you, or doesn’t appreciate you, you might not be able to see clearly whether it’s a good idea to get back together, or even cling to the hope of getting back together. Because some women just string guys along until they finally found the right satisfaction from another man.
So even if you want your ex back, and you’re thinking of doing no contact, you should first establish why you’re doing it, and what you can hope to get out of no contact… Even if your ex-girlfriend turns out to be a bad woman. Or if she messages you multiple times and you want to go out on a date with her, or get back together, you can’t predict if that’s really with the right intentions from her side.
So what can you do with your time productively during no contact to feel more attractive, confident, become smarter and wiser, make more friends, and so on?
I know, when you miss an ex-girlfriend, it feels hard to think about these things. Even if you’re thinking about them, you try to make all of it happen for her… But that can’t be your goal, because the danger of getting stuck in a no contact cycle with a bad woman is far too high. So think about … let’s say, 3 months from now. How would you like to have your life be different, even without your ex-girlfriend? Then implement no contact…. Not to win her back, but to reach these goals. And look, maybe, if she’s a good woman, in 3 months, you are back together, who knows, right? But what I know for certain, is that you’ll feel happier if you do no contact in this way. Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time, until we make contact again.
