She’s the one? How to let her go? Is that how you feel right now? No other woman can match up to her? No woman is as smart, as attractive, or as kind as her? And of course, no other woman understands you like her? Then you couldn’t possibly let go of your ex-girlfriend because there’s no doubt in your mind that she’s the best girlfriend that you’ll ever find, right? And moving on doesn’t seem like it is the right thing to do because of it… So how can you possibly accept the breakup? Well, let’s talk about how to look at your breakup.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. So, hmm, how do I put it. I think what I have to say in this post will probably hurt some guys, or at the very least, I’ll be talking about some things that definitely no man wants to hear after a breakup. I think that your ex-girlfriend isn’t “the one” and you are wrong for thinking that she is the only woman who is going to give you exactly what you want in life and from a woman.

And that may come as a surprise to some guy. If you know some of my work, you probably know that I’m a strong believer in marriage. I believe that life-long commitment, dedication and sacrifice for the woman that we love is crucial for a happy, long-lasting life. 

But just because in a best-case scenario we should be committed to one woman for the rest of our lives, doesn’t mean that there’s only one woman who’s the one. There are people who had a happy marriage, their husband or wife dies, and they find love again for another time. And just as such, your ex-girlfriend, who you see as the one true love, may not even have been your first love. So it seems to me, it’s possible to find happiness with another woman.

So when you feel that your ex-girlfriend is the one that got away, it’s most likely that you are looking at the relationship from a very biased perspective. Probably, from your most recent perspective of having had a lot of great memories with her, that lasted until just recently, and now she’s gone, and no other woman has given you, nor CAN she give you any of those great memories. Well, that’s what you’re thinking. Of course, it’s 100% understandable why you’d feel that way after a breakup. I mean, let’s be honest, very few things in life hurt as much as breakups, and yea, I understand the feeling of thinking you lost the one true love.

I’ll never forget, many years ago I was just relatively newly broken up with a girl that I loved like crazy, maybe it’s been about 4 months or so, and I went to a men’s circle for the first time in my life. And there I shared how I was feeling, and most of the men in the group were about my age, maybe older. And there was a man, he was about 10 years older than me, had a wife, two kids, and I shared how I wanted to marry that girl, and I still remember the reaction on his face and how he could see my pain. He knew that I was extremely serious about my ex-girlfriend and that I was feeling the breakup immensely. And yea, I did, and I thought that this girl was the one. I thought the most significant relationship of my life was ruined and I would never get it back ever again. 

And here I am, now hmm, maybe 7 years later or so, and I couldn’t think differently about her and the relationship. In fact, without any doubt, even though I dated at least one pretty crazy jealous girl, this ex-girlfriend of mine whom I thought to be the one, is without any doubt, the worst ex-girlfriend I ever met, and she might or might not be the worst person I ever met. 

There’s another guy that I know who was a big scammer in the Philippines, he’s probably technically worse. But you get the idea. Your feelings in the moment about how much you love a woman, and how close you felt to her, how much she seemed to love you, all of these things can be 100% true. But if you will look back in 5 years from now, you might literally think you were crazy to think that your ex-girlfriend is the one.

And I really mean that. If I look at all my exes, I had some crazy stuff, or some disrespectful stuff happening from two girls aside from that ex-girlfriend, and I still have no doubt that this ex of mine is one of the most evil human beings I ever met. With time and distance, you will often see your ex-partners for who they really were. How they mistreated you. How they lied. How they used you. How they didn’t listen to you, didn’t respect you, and so on. And you’ll be able to see things more clearly. 

And that’s what you are lacking right now after the breakup. I’m not saying your ex-girlfriend is terrible. My example is an extreme counter-example to illustrate that you could love a woman like crazy and you were ready to put a ring on her finger when it logically shouldn’t have made any sense at all.

Our love for a woman makes us think and do crazy things. And that extremely bad woman that I dated back then, it’s not like she didn’t have a lot of good sides. And of course, I had so many good memories with her. Otherwise, why would I have thought about marrying her, right? It’s because after a breakup, you don’t have perspective. The only thing that you will see in your ex-girlfriend are the best parts of her. Plus, you may still be inexperienced with relationships, and think that this experience was irreplaceable, simply because you’ve never felt this way before. But of course, your ex-girlfriend must have had a lot of bad traits as well, even if you’re primarily trying to see the good parts of her.

In a sense, men and women are the reverse. Women see all the bad things in their male exes, and men see only the good parts in their exes. That’s why women move on so fast, and men don’t move on even after long periods of time. Because it takes time to see things from another angle, or maybe it even just takes another woman to show you that there is someone out there who’s much better for you.

Now, again, I don’t want to say your ex-girlfriend was terrible. She probably wasn’t. My example is a rare case. That woman in particular was hyper-narcissistic. Most women will be very kind, gentle, warm, family-oriented, and so on, and yes, losing a girl like this hurts like hell. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with grieving the relationship, missing her like crazy, and wondering how you could possibly ever find a woman like her ever again. That’s OK. You need time to feel your pain, let it take over for some time, let it sit there, and then get up, lick the wounds, and make the painful but also courageous commitment to start from scratch and try to open yourself up to the idea, that perhaps, there are more women out there with great qualities that you loved in your last relationship.

I know, starting from the beginning sounds like the worst goal after a breakup with a woman whom you loved so deeply. It’s hard to imagine that you can ever find someone like her. And yes, I do believe it’s very misguided, but it is what it is, sometimes it feels as if we lost a soulmate. Someone who was just perfect for us. But soulmates don’t exist, they are created. Good relationships are nurtured, maintained, constructed, analyzed, revitalized, and so on. No relationship is ever perfect and if a relationship didn’t work out, almost always, it’s EXACTLY BECAUSE you weren’t the one and only ones for each other.

You were two people, who fit perfectly together in the beginning, but then, as the problems arose, you did not properly work through your differences. So, it wasn’t the perfect fit, or rather, you didn’t CREATE the perfect fit. But you can fit perfectly together in the long-term with another woman, and your ex-girlfriend can fit perfectly together with someone else in the future as well. 

What matters is what you make of that initial perfect connection, and how you maintain the relationship in the long-run. That’s the only thing that determines if you were right for each other. If you couldn’t do that, then you know that it’s time to do things better with the new woman, and work on your couple problems like a supportive team. And this time, BECAUSE you’re not repeating the same mistakes, and CREATING the perfect fit in a sustainable way, your next relationship will likely be much better and you’ll feel even more in love this time.

The moral of the story is that when a man and a woman love each other and have great chemistry, they’re able to create an amazing relationship together. And that is a replicable outcome. If you had a great relationship once in your life, the odds are that the next one will get even better IF you learn from the last one, the reasons why it might have failed, and what you can do next time so things don’t fall apart again.

So, don’t be afraid to let go of a relationship that you think was perfect. Nothing in life is perfect. Even the best things in life, the best relationships… Everything is flawed, requires work and attention, and often can even frustrate the hell out of you. Just because she was perfect for you for the time that it lasted doesn’t mean you won’t find something that feels perfect again. You will. Probably not right now, maybe not even in the near to short-term future, but someday, you will again. And the knowledge that there is still a relationship out there that can give you that feeling is empowering, at least to me. I highly encourage you to never take the bitter or negative outlook on relationships, even if it’s not mean-spirited.

I never could get behind the deep resentment that I often see in the red pill community. Of course, conceptually I get it. I’ve been hurt before and I have been a bit resentful in the past of how I’ve been mistreated by women.

I live practically my entire adult life now in Asia and I see foreigners here all the time who are just so fed up with women, or think dating, marrying, all of these things are stupid, and they would rather be single because there’s no way it’ll work out, the women here all just want their money, and so and so forth.

And of course, that’s not even remotely true if you date the right woman. Sure, a mediocre woman will be like that, but it doesn’t make much sense. For example, just because SOME people in Asia will scam a foreigner and see them as a walking wallet, doesn’t mean the vast majority will do so. Most people in Asia are pretty normal and just treat you like a normal human being. This type of thinking is a mindset problem.

The point here is… To me, the glass is half full with relationships. There are literally too many great women on the planet for any of us to ever date. Nor should we by the way LOL! Be a one woman guy, guys. And you know what, for a long time, I was going through a rough phase in my life, and dating wasn’t even on the table for me because my life was a mess. But now I’m with a great woman again… And that’s years after I thought my entire life was ruined because I lost that girl. You can’t generalize and assume that your love life is over just because it didn’t work out with one girl.

And in retrospect, that girl from back then is SO insignificant to me, not just relationship-wise in terms of the pain she caused me back then, but in terms of other pains I had to endure in my life. Yea, it hurt to lose her back then, but in the grand scheme of things, losing her was insignificant aside from the fact that it started my relationship coaching journey.

And the fact that I found a good woman again who gives me so much joy, she’s so beautiful, so sweet, man, life’s good! She’s good! Lots of women are good! Lots of women are AMAZING! So don’t give up hope. There is hope for you. You can still find happiness. Not with your ex girlfriend, but trust me, you will find a great woman again. Hey, I thought I was a hopeless case at one point with all my life problems. So, if I could find happiness again, I guarantee you, you will too. I know it. Don’t give up. Keep going. Stay strong. 

And always have a glass that’s half full. You have to be willing to see the great women who are out there, otherwise, you won’t date them. If you tell yourself that your ex-girlfriend is the one and only, of course, you’ll never find a great woman. But if you keep an open mind, you will be able to let go of your ex, meet amazing women faster than you can imagine, and perhaps at first nothing will come of it, but at least, you’ll open your mind towards dating again. And then, one day, when you least expect it, you’ll run into a woman again and the connection will be just as amazing with her, if not way better! So don’t give up. It’ll get better!

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.