Overcoming the fear of cheating in a relationship as a man after your ex-girlfriend cheated on you. How to deal with the aftermath of a cheating ex? Is it even possible to trust again after a woman betrayed your trust? Let’s talk about it.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. When you find out that you’ve been cheated on, it can be quite difficult to get over that pain. Even just moving on from that kind of betrayal can be something that will take you years to achieve. Getting cheated on is in a sense, a form of rejection. And rejection tends to cause us a lot of pain and makes us obsessed with the person who rejected us. We try to make sense of why we’ve been rejected, or unwanted, and we think over and over why this happened specifically to us. Or how it could happen, especially when we thought that we were in a great relationship, with a great woman. Sure, maybe it wasn’t perfect, but you loved her, she seemed to love you, and despite some trouble in paradise, ultimately, most men would think that love is more important than the bad sides of a relationship.
So when you get cheated on, it can affect your mental health for a long time. It takes a long time to get over that hurt. But I think there are a lot of men, and also women, who learn to eventually overcome the heartbreak that’s associated with being cheated on, and just in general, losing a relationship that’s been important to them.
But, unfortunately, not everybody has the same experience about breakups and also cheating. To some, being cheated on is more hurtful than others. Not everybody is able to cope with betrayal as easily as the next guy, but also, of course, a lot of it also depends on so many variables, your personal story, your age and stage in life, and so on. Whatever your personal story is like, maybe you are struggling with the fear that you’ll be cheated on again by a woman. And not just that, there’s also the danger of becoming cynical after being cheated on. I think it can be tempting to generalize one individual experience that we had, and extrapolate this to every woman on the planet.
For example, if you’ve been cheated on by a woman, and she was quite promiscuous or lets just say, she was partying a lot, things like that, then you might have a tendency to feel like most women are this way. Most women party too much. Most women expose themselves to temptation. Most women are easily seduced by the attention of other men. And that’s a very common human bias. It’s a form of protecting ourselves from further risk. We see the things that we’re afraid of, but in doing so, sometimes we create the very thing that we want to avoid.
Of course, not every woman is promiscuous. Not every woman parties a lot. And not every woman is going to cheat on you. In fact, statistically speaking, there’s only about a 30% chance that a woman will cheat on you, and that is simply a statistical average. The odds of you being cheated on, of course, has a lot to do with two factors:
- Are you choosing the right women to date?
- Are you following healthy relationship habits?
If you don’t do these two things, you could argue that you may encounter cheating in every one of your relationships. If you choose the right woman, and if you always lead your relationships to improve, rather than them slowly degrading over time, then the odds of cheating are most likely non-existent.
But when you’ve been cheated on by a girl, it is difficult to look at cheating from such a rational point of view. Some men become quite bitter if they’ve ever been cheated on and overestimate how many women are going to cheat on them, but I think it’s important to remind yourself that most people are fundamentally decent human beings. If we look at personality traits such as narcissism, psychopathy, or machiavellianism, these types of extremes are very rare. The average man and woman will sit somewhere in the middle.
Yes, of course, there are some women who are more sexually liberal and more prone to cheating than others, but that, once again, all comes down to you making the right choices. Or perhaps, before even talking about choosing the right woman, you have to consciously ask yourself if you’re using the right avenues to meet the kind of woman who would never cheat on you. For example, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you that it’s less likely to get cheated on by a woman who almost never goes partying, or perhaps is very religious, maybe fairly introverted, perhaps doesn’t use dating apps a lot, etc… Versus a woman who is the reverse of some of these traits.
Your fears of cheating are valid, and the best thing that you can do if you want to overcome your fear, is to expose yourself to women, and social circles, where moral decency is valued. For example, I suppose one general rule is that individuals who are more freedom-loving, may be more prone to cheating. The less people like to follow rules, the more likely they are to break them. And so naturally, you would want to be in a social circle, where personal accountability, discipline, and most importantly, following a certain moral and social compass is emphasized. To give you an example. I’ve been living by the beach, or well, in the tropics of South East Asia for nearly 10 years now.
Now, I live in Japan, actually. But, still by the beach. And I can tell you, there are typically two types of beach communities or women that you’ll find on the beach. You’ll find the freedom-loving type of beach, where everyone parties wild, no rules, everything goes. And this is where you find the worst type of women. And then there’s the beach, where people still love to be free, but there’s a certain, hmm, let’s just say adherence to rules. People on those types of beaches primarily just want their peace and quiet. And this is where you’ll find your wife material. You can also find your wife material technically on the party beaches, because a lot of people are drawn to them, simply because they are famous tourist destinations and a lot of women don’t even realize how promiscuous these places are, but your odds are simply much lower to meet this woman, or rather, you have equally high chances to meet a very promiscuous woman.
So, your environment is the biggest indicator of what type of woman you’re going to meet. There are plenty of great women out there for you to find. And as I said, even on those crazy beaches, I’ve met countless great women. The issue isn’t that there are good and bad women in these places, the issue is when you choose the bad woman over the good one. Temptation is what leads to poor relationship choices.
So, don’t fear being cheated on by a woman, because ultimately, whether you get cheated on by a woman is often already determined the minute that you lay eyes on a woman, or rather, the moment that you interact with her, notice a red flag, but pursue her anyway. This is not meant to say whatever happened to you in the past is your fault, or you deserved it, but rather it’s simply a reminder that you’re in full control of your life.
When you let yourself be controlled by your fear of being cheated on, or worse, when you become bitter or see every woman as a very likely cheater, it’s like you’re taking that choice away from you. If all women are cheaters, well, then I guess you are free from making the right choice. And I suppose you’re just meant to either be single, or just hook up, never commit for the long-term, etc.
I think a lot of men fall into that trap of overprotecting themselves because they’ve been hurt in the past, and because they then put their guards up, they stop seeing women for who they really are. Most women aren’t one-dimensional, and guaranteed cheaters. People are complicated. Both men and women can cheat, be terrible partners, lie to you, and so on. I believe in the power of individuals. Every individual determines their own actions, and all you have to do is choose to date a woman, who’s an individual who always holds herself up to the highest standards. Good women are out there and I want you to find them. If you are afraid to date right now, don’t be. Just start dating, and see where it goes. You always have the choice to not take it to the next step if you feel like you’re not ready yet, or if you feel like something’s off. And that’s the right choice. But you need to take the first steps to begin trusting in women again.
I want you to be happy, and I know that if you don’t let yourself be controlled by your fears, you will meet a woman again who will make you happy again. You’ve learned your lessons about cheating from your last relationship. The odds of you dating the same type of woman a second time are extremely slim, so you should try to find the positive in dating and women again because I think especially with your defense being high, don’t worry, if you run into a truly bad woman, you’ll know almost instantly. And in all other cases, you’ll be happy to be talking to the woman that you’re dating.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.
