Is healing after infidelity even possible after a woman cheated on you? For a lot of men, being cheated on by a woman is a big wake up call that men and women are built differently. I don’t mean that women are more likely to cheat than men. They actually aren’t. But, it makes you realize that if a woman wants to cheat, she could with ease because men are always available for sexual intimacy. The science for that is pretty clear… A man’s barrier for having casual sex… Well… They literally don’t exist. But women generally have to think twice before they agree to sex with a man. So, that implies that if a woman wants to cheat, she will have it VERY easy to do so. That realization is painful, and when you’ve been cheated on, it makes you think if you can ever overcome the pain and the realization that you are quite easily replaceable to a woman when she feels like doing so. So, let’s talk about whether you can heal from cheating.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. Whether you are a man or a woman, being cheated on is always painful, and I am sure the experience is just as hurtful to women as it is as a man, but let’s be realistic about cheating for a moment.
Yes, men generally cheat more than women. That makes sense, because male cheating is less based on emotional, but rather sexual reasons, and since men are more physically oriented, they tend to cheat more frequently than women. Women, on the other hand, will cheat when they no longer feel emotionally connected to a man. So they cheat to feel emotional connection with another man. Emotional connection comes less easily than physical attraction, so it makes sense why women cheat less frequently than men.
However, the problem is that a woman can very easily cheat if she actually makes up her mind to do so. Since a man’s primary selection criteria for a woman is her physical attractiveness, and since almost all men rate almost all women as attractive, most women are able to get a new man if they actually want to. That’s why I believe that while men may cheat more on average, I do believe that your odds of being cheated on twice in your life are much lower as a woman because men have it much harder to cheat. Most women simply aren’t physically attracted to most men. So, this leaves you with the realization that to a woman, once she is truly done with you, it’s much more likely that she will be cheating on you than the reverse.
If we have two relationships that are equally deteriorated, it’s logically more likely that it will be the woman who is going to be cheating on the man because she has many more opportunities than the man would have. So, when you’ve been cheated on for the first time, you may be waking up to this reality and worry that it could happen again.
The nature of female cheating is different, and to a man, the way women cheat can be extremely painful, not only due to the act of cheating, but also because it makes you realize how women perceive their male partners. To many women, their male partners are more replaceable than is the reverse for men. I think that the red pill talking point “She was never yours, it was only your turn,” is a rather one-dimensional view of looking at relationships and human nature, but I can emphasize why it became a popular mindset that men who have been betrayed by women have embraced.
My first few relationships with women were extremely idealistic and I couldn’t possibly believe that women would easily date around, find new boyfriends, cheat on me behind my back, or “warm up” other men, so prepare to date them, while I was still deeply in love with them. Basically, monkey branching.
The male dating experience is extremely different, especially because during our younger years, we aren’t exactly flooded with female attention. The nature of most men is that we are not going to have a lot of relationships until our late 20s. And as a dating coach, I’m even aware of many men in their 30s, 40s, even 50s, who simply have quite poor dating skills. Even though many men become more assertive, confident, and also automatically more attractive with age, not every man develops dating confidence with age. Besides, most women have to do basically nothing. They are the ones who get approached, and men have to do the approaching. So women will always have more dating experience than men. As such, to women, men will always be more replaceable than it is the other way around.
As a dating coach, and as someone who heavily studies relationships, I am extremely confident with women. Yet, I’ve been single for a few years now. And that’s been on purpose. I went through a phase of easily being able to have nearly any woman that I’d like to date, but with so many choices, you also begin to normalize how you view women. The more choices you have to date, the more you will lower that bar of how much you value a potential partner, because they no longer seem as special. This is of course the way that most women experience dating. They don’t have to put every man on a pedestal, because they can relatively easily find a great man.
This is similar to how I view dating nowadays. I make it a conscious choice to only want to date the right woman when I feel that she fits into my current life goals of long-term relationship and a life plan towards retirement and growing old happily, exactly because I am aware that relationships shouldn’t be treated with a replacement mindset. But of course, I did not start out this way. I was an extremely insecure man up to my late 20s.
And then, once I became extremely confident, I’ve almost gone down this road too far, so I can emphasize why women have no problem finding happiness from other men — they grew up this way from extreme young adolescence and most of them have never seen the world from a man’s perspective. Neither do they know the downsides, nor the benefits of being more idealistic about relationships.
So, this was a long roundabout way of saying: Man, being cheated on by women is painful, because your experience as a man is simply more difficult after being cheated on. To you, when a woman cheats on you, not only do you have to overcome the actual grief of being cheated on, but you also need to overcome the fear, anger and resentment towards the fact that women will always treat men as more replaceable than the other way around. Please note that I said replaceable, not disposable. I think this is the mistake that a lot of red pillars make. They act as if every woman disposes of men, as if they are trash. I think some women do so, and this is simply a matter of making poor choices with women.
If you want to heal from infidelity, you have to accept that some women will be terrible and break your heart in a way that you cannot imagine. Every man, and also every woman, has to learn that life isn’t easy. At times, we will be faced with harsh realities that will make us want to give up. I am not only talking about relationships, this is true for everything in life. Bad things will happen to you, and some of those will not be fair, extremely random, and sometimes even impossible to predict or prevent. That’s not to say you should expect that every relationship from now on will repeat the same pattern. I do believe that cheating is an extremely rare phenomenon and is practically impossible to happen in relationships that are being led properly with conscious relationship rituals — with the exception of choosing the wrong type of woman in the first place.
And as such, overcoming the pain caused by cheating is all about recognizing that the same pattern does not have to repeat. All you need to do is find a better woman who does not have the same characteristics of your ex-girlfriend. For example, even if you made some big mistakes in the relationship, which motivated your ex to cheat on you, a good woman would have been more likely to either let you know how unhappy she feels about the relationship, she would have tried to fix it, or eventually she would have left you once she felt too unhappy.
Good women do not cheat on their partners, they simply communicate their needs and if their needs aren’t met, they will break up with a man. If you’ve been cheated on, then you’ve been in a relationship with a woman who lacked integrity.
I cheated once in my life, although it was barely a little bit of emotional cheating, and after this incident, I never behaved in such a way ever again, and I would rather instantly end any relationship than be unhappy with a woman if the issues cannot be resolved. I learned to become a man of integrity, and there are women with integrity.
The easiest way to move on from infidelity is to accept that you will never fully make sense of why your woman cheated on you. She lacked integrity, and trying to make sense of her integrityless behavior will never come to a satisfactory conclusion. Sometimes, lack of integrity is all the explanation that you need, and once you can accept that the woman you dated was simply not a good life partner, you’ll be able to move on and accept that if you’re able to see that there are better ways to live life, then so do other women.
There are many women out there who are never going to hurt you the way that your ex-girlfriend hurt you. There are good women out there. Your brain and heart are trying to trick you into believing that all women will hurt you because they need to protect themselves from what they believe is going to happen again. You can heal and find peace after your breakup. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that every woman is going to betray you just because you have realized how easily a woman can cheat on a man. A bad woman can easily cheat on a man, a good woman will try to strengthen her relationship with a good man.
So please don’t give up on the possibility of love. I don’t suggest that you should start dating with the intent of trying to be serious with any woman right now. That might be too soon for you. You might still need time to heal and let go from the pain. But it would be a good idea to be outgoing and go to places where you may meet good women.
That means: Don’t hit the clubs. Don’t go to parties, or other places where narcissistic individuals may hang out. Sometimes, all that’s needed to overcome infidelity is seeing that there are still good women out there, and often, you can meet incredibly kind, warm-hearted women who would never cheat on their man in the most random places. The best women, who never cheated on me and never sought attention from men, were all women whom I met in random places, like in a provincial convenience store or randomly on a run on the beach.
Most good women are just like you. They crave for love, but just like most men don’t know how to meet a good woman, most good women also don’t know how to meet a good man, and as such, there are many good women who are single, so don’t give up yet. The right woman who will treat you right is out there for you.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.
