How to let go and move on from girls you failed with? Getting dumped by a woman doesn’t only happen in relationships, obviously, you can also get dumped or rejected when you were dating a woman already, but you weren’t an official couple yet, or perhaps you were practically already close to being boyfriend and girlfriend, but then for some reason, the girl still rejected you, no longer wanted to see you, she got turned off, and all of a sudden, although you were already happy with her and excited to get more serious, you’re now practically faced with a mini-breakup. So, let’s talk about how to get over such a situation where you were ready to plan a future with her, but instead, you have to face the reality that you two aren’t meant to be together.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from an ex-girlfriend… Or in this case, a girl in general. This post is perhaps a little bit about rejection but it’s a very similar experience.
Not being wanted by a woman always hurts, and honestly, even if you are already battle-hardended by many rejections, maybe you have dated a few women already, still, to never becomes an experience that you can easily shrug under the rug. As a relationship coach, who has gone from being insanely insecure with women, to being extremely confident, and well, now I’m in a happy relationship, hypothetically speaking, if I would get rejected by a woman that I really liked, I certainly would still at the very least be quite disappointed. Sure, at this stage in my life and with my experience of dating, I’d be able to get over it relatively quickly, but nobody is immune to the heartbreak of romantic rejection.
But, nevertheless, learning to cope with women who didn’t want you is one of the most essential life skills every man has to learn. Generally speaking, I always try to encourage you guys to focus on yourself, and learn to develop yourself after a breakup. So that you come out stronger after the breakup, and don’t give in to the pain for too long. And of course, when you failed with a girl and she became turned off, you have to apply the same principle, although, perhaps the focus is a little different.
After an incredibly serious breakup, the goal is primarily about crafting that new identity because we tend to forget who we are. If you have not been extremely serious with a woman yet, or if you were almost a couple, then the most important thing after such a breakup or rejection, is to learn to not take the experience too personally, and also not too seriously.
Of course, a girl no longer wanting to be with you feels extremely personal, after all, she’s essentially saying “I no longer want to see you, because of particular reason X,” but that isn’t always an indicator that says that you aren’t date-worthy. You might have made some mistakes, but that, of course, doesn’t mean that there won’t be many other women who would be excited to date you. And in terms of taking the rejection too seriously, it’s important to recognize that in a sense, you got lucky when you failed with a girl early on.
It means that you didn’t yet heavily invest in the relationship to the degree where both your identities became so intertwined, that the breakup massively messes with your brain. In Germany we have a saying: Glück im Unglück. Fortune within the misfortune. What this implies is that sometimes, you can find a reason to call yourself lucky, despite having gone through a bad experience. For example, one of my old bosses actually once went broke with his company because his clients wouldn’t pay him on time, then his company went bust. As a result, he learned from the experience and built a very-well funded debt collection startup which I think by now is in its Series C funding round, so it’s worth millions of dollars. Sometimes, things not working out actually ARE for the better.
Even a terribly heartbreaking breakup will turn out to be for the better in the long-run. With such an awful experience, it’ll probably take years to come to such a conclusion, but most of the time, even our bad experiences teach us something and help us move forward in life. If you failed with a girl and you haven’t been in a proper relationship yet, or even if you’ve been in a very short-term relationship, then there is something good to find in that experience:
It teaches you to become resilient, and to learn to cope more effectively when women no longer want to be with you. Believe me, there will probably be many women who will not want to be with you, even though it seemed initially that the two of you might have a future. Sometimes it is you who’s falsely reading into the situation, which is another lesson to be learned, and at other times, perhaps you made a mistake out of insecurity that made the girl pull away from you. Either way, she wants to date someone else. And that’s fine.
As they say: There are plenty of fish in the sea. And without failure and getting rejected by a girl, you wouldn’t even learn that it’s possible to get rejected by a woman that you liked, and theoretically, a week later you might meet the woman that you’ll end up being in a relationship with for years to come, or even the rest of your life.
And as a conclusion, the best thing that you can do to let go and move on from a girl that you failed with, is to remind yourself that there are plenty of women out there. Especially when you’re younger than your thirties, you tend to not realize how beneficial it is to be a man. When you’re younger than 20, or even in your 20s, it is quite difficult to date women because women prefer older men who are financially stable, very mature, more attractive in their appearance, and so on. But, once you hit 25 and older, your perceived value by women increases drastically, and unlike with women, it keeps on going higher and higher.
Most men are still seen as attractive even in their late 40s and even 50s. If you stay fit and healthy, you will have plenty of options to succeed with women even if you’d go through many failures. Women don’t have that benefit, because almost no man wants to date a woman past 35, perhaps up to 40 years-old. Any man in that age range can easily date a woman in her 20s or early 30s. So it’s always a good idea to remind yourself that any failure that you have with women is just a drop of water in an ocean of potential options.
It’s so hard to see it this way when you haven’t had many women show interest in you yet, or when most women have rejected you in the past, but the truth is that the sky is the limit and time is on your side as a man.
And even at a younger age, you should never stop recognizing that there is an ocean of incredible women who are desperate to find a man that they find attractive. I honestly don’t think it is difficult to find a good girlfriend if you work even just remotely on your appearance by hitting the gym, stay well-groomed, and also work diligently on your career.
In my opinion, when you fail with a girl because she was, let’s say, turned off by something you said or did, it’s not a reason for you to feel bummed out and become negative for months. Instead, you should embrace your singlehood and see your moments of failure as opportunities to get back to focusing on yourself, to develop yourself and become more attractive.
And of course, it’s also an opportunity to get better at dating. When you fail with a woman, it shows you what’s not working and it’s an opportunity to get better at the things that you’re not good at. Whether that’s to talk to a girl on messenger, how to talk confidently and with a calm demeanor on a date, how to take it to the next level after the date, how not to become insecure in the in-between stages when you started dating but aren’t an official couple yet, and so on.
This is the Glück im Unglück. There are many men who watch most of my breakup videos on my YouTube channel who had to go through extreme hardship because they lost a woman that they had been dating for years, maybe they even were engaged. And they had to start from zero.
The best thing that you get to do when you failed with a woman early on, is to recognize that you don’t have to start from zero because you didn’t invest all your energy in that one particular woman. The truth is, if you struggle with moving on from a woman that you failed with within the first 6 months of dating her, then you probably invested too much of your own energy into building a shared identity.
Of course, the goal is to become closer as a couple, but you should never forget to also remain your own man, to keep on having some parts of your own identity that you will always maintain, even if you start going on dates, doing new activities together that you’ve never done before, or if you take on some of her hobbies, etc…
So if you got rejected early on, don’t beat yourself up too much. In the end, you had a great time with the girl for a while, you probably also got to experience a bunch of new things, and you also got to see what doesn’t work with girls. Try again with another girl, stay focused on yourself, and keep on becoming more and more attractive, and eventually, you will find a girl who ends up being a big success, and you’ll be so happy that it didn’t work out with the last girl. So don’t give up just yet. Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time. Let me know in the comments how you feel about your breakup.
