How to get over an emotional breakup with an ex girlfriend? Believe it or not, some breakups can be sort-of emotionless, or rather, it’s mostly an ex-girlfriend who wanted to break up and she didn’t feel too much about breaking up. She was just done with the relationship. It’s possible for both partners to be somewhat apathetic about each other, apart from the emotional pain from having to detach from someone you shared your life with.
But sometimes, when a breakup happens, both you and your ex were extremely emotional when you broke up. Sure, your ex-girlfriend may have still been the one who wanted the breakup more than you, but when both you and your ex were extremely passionate and maybe even shed a lot of tears, then a breakup gets even harder. At the very least, when everything was said and done and you finally broke up, it showed how much you both cared for each other. But still, you broke up. You went through an emotional rollercoaster and maybe after a lot of very harsh words and a lot of pain, you eventually went separate ways. That’s tough. It’s obvious you loved each other, and you didn’t really WANT it to happen, it’s more like you just COULDN’T make it happen. How do you get over this? Let’s talk about it.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I talk about moving on from breakups for guys. Yea, well, so, dealing with the extremely emotional type of breakup is a really tough one. When both of you had a lot of things to say about the relationship and each other, it’s clear that not only did you care a lot about each other, and had a lot of love for each other despite the problems, but it also shows how much you were stuck in a very unhealthy cycle.
It’s a bit ironic, but psychologically, we get quite addicted to the up and down cycles of relationships. And when a relationship has fluctuated between those highs and the lows, we tend to crave resolution of the low moments back to the high parts. It’s like playing a 4th chord on the guitar. Certain things just crave a natural resolution. If you play a 4th chord, you know instinctively that you’re supposed to resolve back to a 1st chord because it just feels right. Even without understanding music theory, you’ll instantly know that it FEELS right.
Just like in music, that desire to find resolution is practically an automatic response of your body. But even in music, one has to know when to break the rules and play a different chord. No matter how emotional the breakup with your ex-girlfriend was, you should never let that stop you from moving on from the relationship.
I can 100% relate to the thought of trying to hold on to the relationship. After an emotional breakup, it’s like you turn into a semi-professional writer. You conjure up all kinds of “what if” scenarios of how the relationship went wrong, what you could have done differently. You’ll think about the things she said to you shortly before the breakup, or what you talked about right when you broke up. Maybe you said something that you regret now. Maybe you did something that upset her, that in hindsight, was obvious that it would.
Maybe you made some really stupid mistakes and now you’re thinking about all the small moments and opportunities that you didn’t take to fix the relationship, to say something different, or to do something in a much better way. And if you made big mistakes with your ex-girlfriend, then you probably still can’t forget the look on her face that showed you how hurt she was at the end of the relationship. I’m sure your ex-girlfriend cared a lot about you, to the point where breaking up was heartbreaking for her.
And maybe she wasn’t perfect either. Maybe she also behaved in bad ways. Maybe she leaned in on your own bad behaviors, and you both became very antagonistic, almost like enemies, and far too many small moments turned into arguments, when that was absolutely unnecessary in hindsight. For sure, even if your ex made her own big mistakes, she probably loved you a lot and if she could, she might want to do it all differently. You probably both made mistakes that you deeply regret. Maybe the look on her face is something you’ll never forget in the last moments of the relationship.
I get that this makes you want to hold onto your ex-girlfriend, rather than trying to move forward. It’s honestly more comforting to replay everything in your head than trying to take the first steps for a new life. So I just want to encourage you guys to move forward with your life, even if you saw that the breakup wasn’t easy on your ex-girlfriend. Just because your ex-girlfriend was very much in love with you during the breakup shouldn’t hold you back from moving on.
I think the hardest part about relationships is accepting that we weren’t always able to make the right choices when it mattered, and learning to become a better man for the next woman is a part of that journey. If there is still any chance for your relationship, it would have to come from your ex-girlfriend because she is the one who more easily can get into a relationship — so either she makes up her mind quickly after the breakup that breaking up was a mistake, or you have your sign that it’s time to let go — as much as it hurts.
From your perspective, you can’t risk moping around, doing nothing, not dating, or at least making yourself more attractive to the opposite gender again. Your ex-girlfriend could probably find a new boyfriend within a week if she wanted to. And that’s usually what women do with rebound relationships. Of course, these don’t last, but it’s obvious that women can just get going right away to find a new man. You can’t do that. There’s probably going to be a lead-up time until you find the right woman for you again. So, you have to get over the breakup, even if the way that it ended gives you hope that your ex still loves you.
When you had an emotional breakup with your ex-girlfriend and she doesn’t come back to fix the problem after a very short period of time, then you have your answer: She chose to move on with her life and start over, probably with someone else via a rebound. If latest, after a short rebound, she didn’t see that the relationship should be given a second chance, then there’s no point in holding on to it. Just like most ex-girlfriends just choose to move forward with life, even if they still love their ex, you have to do the same.
When we have an emotional breakup, we have to compartmentalize our feelings for our ex-girlfriend. It’s okay to still love her, and it’s okay to take your time to get over her. You can let your feelings for her fade out over the months and years. But, still, your feelings for her should live in a separate compartment to the rest of your overall dating mindset and your philosophy on life. You shouldn’t hold yourself back from slowly restarting our life.
Emotional breakups are an opportunity to say “I never want to lose someone so important to me ever again” and then identify why it happened, and work on yourself to prevent this from happening in the future. That won’t undo the damage with the old relationship, and you won’t get back what you lost, but at least it will help you create something in the future that’ll make you equally or more happy than before.
I know it’s scary to take the first step, but you can do it. I know you can find the courage to let go, despite everything that happened between the two of you. So, I hope this inspired you to take the first step in doing so.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.
