How to energetically let go of an ex girlfriend… when you just don’t feel any energy at all. Breakups can really wear you down, and they suck all the energy out of you to the point where you almost feel guilty for being unable to find the strength to move on. It’s hard to go through a breakup as a man… We almost feel obliged to remain strong and to not show any weakness. So, let’s talk about how to cope with a breakup and how to remain energetic when you feel like your life is practically over now that she’s gone.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to get over their ex-girlfriend. Man, ok, let’s be real, letting go energetically doesn’t exactly sound easy, does it? And it also doesn’t sound exciting. 

Maybe the title of this video is intimidating, or even turned many viewers off. I don’t think most guys will think about a state of energy, positivity, enthusiasm, and so on after a breakup. Quite the opposite. Most of you are probably feeling the opposite. And well, damn, let’s be real, you’re probably seeing the exact reverse response from your ex-girlfriend. She’s probably a ball of energy right now from what you can tell. So you can see the contrast and you may feel terrible simply because you can see two sides of the coin. She’s full of energy, but you struggle a lot with the breakup. And you certainly haven’t figured out how to move on yet from the relationship, from her, and from all the plans you had.

But although it is the hard thing to tell you, it’s what you need to hear: You need to find back to a state of peak energy, enthusiasm, and excitement for life. And to reach that state, things won’t easy, you’ll probably have to fight for it. And the sooner that you start to fight, the easier it will get for you. Why? Because some guys can become extremely passive, depressed, and negative the longer they stay in a state of low energy. I don’t know how old you are, but I think the older you get, the more you will know how difficult it is to get out of a rut. And especially beyond your 20s, feeling stuck can make you feel terrible about yourself.

Life generally is actually great, but of course, the hard parts in life are the moments when we seem stuck and can’t escape from our problems. We suffer a lot from existential angst when we become powerless, or more accurately, when we FELL powerless. It’s in the periods of our lives where we become slaves to our mind, where we suffer the most. But you’re not powerless, and you don’t have to suffer. The pain that you are feeling about your breakup is relative. Healing is possible. Enthusiasm is possible. Happiness and curiosity about life is possible. 

I genuinely believe that when you feel broken, the reason why you lack energy isn’t because you don’t know how to feel happy again. You certainly do, all you’d need are simple mindset shifts that you’d have to consciously choose and act upon. The reason why you struggle after a breakup to find energy to let go is because you’re afraid. You don’t know what’s going to happen next. The uncertainty after losing an ex-girlfriend is the thing that’s killing us and why we hold ourselves back from enjoying life.

There’s something admirable about people who can just move forward with life with a powerful spirit, never to let themselves be defeated by anything. I lived a while in Indonesia, and there they have a saying: Semangat… It essentially means to keep the spirit, to keep fighting, to stay positive. It’s an admirable mindset that everybody can embrace, to believe that no matter how hard life gets, we are able to lift ourselves up from our pain, our rut, the injustices that happened to us, and so on. 

If you want to find the energy to let go of your ex-girlfriend and start new, I believe you can learn a lot from the Indonesian spirit of semangat. I feel like Indonesians understand that we are able to change the way we feel about ourselves. Being in pain, being stuck, being unhappy, all of these emotions are not your innate nature. Most people are generally always more happy than they are unhappy. But when breakup pain befalls us, and when we suffer and feel lonely after a breakup, we believe that our current state of unhappiness is a reflection of what life will be like for us in the future, when in reality, nothing has changed about our personality. You’re still the same man who has the capacity to be happy, to have fun, to laugh a lot and enjoy life.

I guarantee you, you and I could go out for some beers, or grab some coffee, and we could have a great time together talking about random fun things that we have in common, and you’d probably forget that life sucks for a short while. You just need to be reminded that this is possible. Sometimes, you need a good anchor that shows you that life is not just compromised by your current bad state of happiness. 

I’m sure right now you must be in a lot of pain. Some of you might be crying occasionally when you’re thinking about your ex-girlfriend. Many of you must be near an emotional low. Some of you might think that you are at an absolute rock-bottom. But guess what? There are SO many ways, and so many places that can remind you that life can still be good. 

If I would drag you guys over to Bali in Indonesia right now, I’d have a fun conversation with you, give you a Bintang Radler, and we’d cruise through the rice fields of Bali, then make our way to the Bouldering gym in Canggu, go climb together for 30 minutes, then we grab 3 more beers by the ocean and I guarantee you, there is a very low chance that you won’t be having fun, if not at the very least for those 3 or 4 hours that we’d be having a great time together. 

So you already have the capacity for happiness, even if right now you’re overflowing with a lot of negative feelings. I know that a lot of you guys are missing your ex-girlfriend endlessly and it just won’t stop. It’s like you’re walking through a revolving door, trying to get out to the other side, where happiness awaits, but instead, you’re just spinning around too far, and going right back inside where all your sadness is crushing you.

But believe me, you can break that cycle. You’re able to feel good again. Feeling good is an instinctive process. As soon as something good happens to us, we will feel good almost on autopilot. The problem is that you’re drowning in a sea of sadness about your ex-girlfriend, and so you’re actively choosing negative feelings, when there are so many good things all around you, readily available practically every single day.

I recently started re-watching Dr. House, which is a TV show about a doctor who had a leg injury in the past. Warning, spoiler alert coming up. As a result, he became extremely grumpy, dependent on pain medication, and eventually had to go into withdrawal and checked himself into a psychiatric clinic. And he eventually got better emotionally, started to make more connections with humans, and for a while, his leg was no longer hurting. But as he was starting his healing process, he told his therapist that his leg was aching again, and what he was doing right now wasn’t distracting him from the pain. 

And the therapist tells him that he doesn’t get to give up so soon, because Dr. House was suggesting that nothing can cure his focus on the pain in his leg, and the therapist argued that they could talk about other solutions once he actually tried every thing that there is to do in the world, and none of them worked.

That is a great metaphor for overcoming breakup pain and energetically letting go of your ex-girlfriend. You cannot say that you aren’t able to find happiness, positivity, energy, passion, or spirit, semangat, as they’d say in Indonesia, unless you haven’t at the very least tried as many things as you could think of.

If you haven’t gone out of your way to try many new things, then you cannot say that you are unable to find the energy and positive enthusiasm to let go and move forward. You CAN move forward and moving on can be a fun experience. I’m not saying it will always be easy, but reinventing yourself and finding new ways to live your life can be exciting. And the more often that you try to step out of your comfort zone, the more likely it is that you will find that spark again that excites you to live life. 

Right now, I’m personally very excited about the thought of exploring and seeing as many things in Japan, after having suffered from depression and loneliness for many years after the COVID pandemic, when I lost a lot of things that were very important to me. It took me a long time to get there, and I had to try a lot of things, many of which didn’t work for me… 

But you know what I found to work for myself? It’s my compact little APS-C camera. I love walking around and taking photos. I re-invented my own life, and ironically, photography was my teenage passion. So 20 years later, I found back to happiness when I thought I was broken, by picking up something that I didn’t even believe could make me happy. But here I am, having fun again and enjoying life again. I explore, I take lots of photos, and I enjoy so many places that I go to, in ways that I couldn’t enjoy before. I had a lot of struggle to get to the point of letting go of the pain that I felt. And I know you can do the same about your pain that you’re feeling about your ex-girlfriend. And also, on another note, I absolutely became a TOTAL COFFEE NERD. Making coffee, and turning it into an art form really helped me to enjoy the simple things in life. There are many ways how you can find something new for yourself that brings you newfound excitement, peace, and happiness.

One day, one of the things that you will try from now on, if only you have the courage to keep going, will bring you happiness again. So don’t give up yet. Try to find ways to go out of your way to encourage positivity. Consciously choose things that are fun, like the trip that I talked about in Bali. Go climbing, go on a roadtrip, go on a hike, go see the ocean, go play badminton, go to a cooking class or even girly stuff like pottery. Hey, who knows, maybe you can do it with a nice woman or meet a nice woman there. You never know what might help you find that fun and happiness again. Don’t give up yet. I know you can do it. 

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.