How to boost your self esteem after being cheated on by a woman? Being cheated on by a woman is painful as it is. The feelings of betrayal and the realization that you’re all alone, when you thought your ex-girlfriend deeply loves you can really make you struggle a lot after a breakup. The hopelessness when you find out how much your ex-girlfriend lied to you can be devastating by itself. But another painful thing about being cheated on by a woman is that it makes you feel like other men are better than you. So, let’s talk about how to deal with those feelings and how you can manage your damaged self esteem.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. I bet you guys feel like shit because of your breakup with your ex-girlfriend. I’m sure you’ve been thinking about the things she had done with another man over and over. Maybe it’s been going through your head for weeks, or for some of you, it’s even been something that has been driving you insane for a few months.

And I assume a part of you is thinking about whether or not you didn’t measure up as a man. I used to struggle with these feelings a lot in the past. Even when my ex-girlfriend didn’t cheat on me. When I was younger, I often compared myself with other guys and thought that other men were better, stronger, smarter, more attractive and more confident than me. And, well, to a large extent that probably was true. But the problem is, of course, that our low self-esteem has nothing to do with anybody else but with ourselves. Just like when you are not confident about yourself in general, it’s not because other guys make you feel like you’re not good enough. It’s you who’s not making yourself feel good enough about yourself.

Likewise, when an ex-girlfriend cheated on you, for whatever reason she chose to do so, the fact that she let herself be seduced by another man doesn’t really say anything about you. Even IF you may have made some mistakes during the relationship, which surely is not out of the question, it doesn’t mean that you were THAT bad, or that you deserved it, or that there’s a good justification for why your ex-cheated on you.

But despite this, which sounds reasonable, I think it’s extremely tempting to compare yourself to other men, or specifically the men she was messing around with when she cheated on you. I think it’s quite normal to try and find a reason why she did that. You might ask yourself questions like “What’s wrong with me?”, “How could she do this to me? What’s so much better about this guy?” and more. But the truth is that most of the time, you would never find any answers to questions like that. 

Yes, of course, there is always a chance that you made many mistakes in a relationship and your ex-girlfriend then became unhappy in the relationship, but of course, in the end that never justified her actions. When your ex-girlfriend cheated on you, you cannot let your self-esteem be controlled by the terrible actions of a terrible woman. So the first thing to realize when your ex-girlfriend cheated on you is that her actions are her responsibility. And even if you made poor choices in the relationship that may have incentivized her to cheat on you, the one who should feel bad and have low self-esteem should be her — definitely not you.

But the question is, how can you boost that self-esteem of yours? What I’m saying is something that most people can logically follow, but there’s of course a big difference between rationally understanding advice, and actually following it. You may understand that your ex-girlfriend was in the wrong for cheating on you. You might also understand that you aren’t a bad man. You’re not necessarily unattractive, and certainly far from being ugly or undesirable. But still, you can’t help feeling terrible about yourself. You can’t help but think that other guys were more satisfying to her… and by extension… Maybe you wonder if this is a general conclusion that you could also draw about yourself… Maybe you now wonder whether other women will also think that you’re not a guy worth being with. So what can you do?

Well, usually, when a guy has had a breakup, I would not advise him to date too quickly after it happened. It’s generally a recipe for disaster. Some guys try to just date around, hook up… You know… get under someone, if you want to get over someone… That kind of mindset. And I still don’t think this is good advice, even if you’ve been cheated on. 

I would not suggest that you should go out, do some casual dating, go hook up, and so on. HOWEVER… There is SOME benefit in at least considering the option of dating, or at the very least, recognizing that you are still an attractive man who’s wanted by other women. Why? Because I guarantee you that you are still an attractive man right now. You haven’t drastically changed your core character traits or your looks because of the fact that you’ve been cheated on. Even the fact that you are heartbroken and perhaps look a bit defeated, this doesn’t mean that every woman can notice it. Often, you look just normal, and a woman would still be attracted to your face or your overall appearance.

Actually, you probably have experienced this before… Ironically, women will be more interested in a man when he is in a relationship. That’s because when we’re in relationships, we look quite happy, don’t need the attention of another woman, and that’s very attractive to other women. So when you were still in the relationship, at least during the happy times when you didn’t have problems, I’m sure many women were attracted to you. Maybe you didn’t even notice it. The bottom line here is that just because your ex-girlfriend cheated on you, it doesn’t say much about your attractiveness level, or how attractive women found you.

Because of the actions that your ex took, you now are creating an unrealistic image of yourself, and what you deserve from women. Perhaps you think that you are extremely low in terms of overall desirability, but that’s not necessarily true at all. Even an extremely beautiful couple, where both the man and the woman are very attractive… They can be in extremely toxic relationships, cheat on each other, and not be happy with each other. And at the same time, while all of this is going on, lots of men or women would be lusting after them. And after the breakup, both of them could potentially find someone else to date the next week. Sure, the woman would have it easier, but you get the idea. How you feel doesn’t necessarily reflect how women see you, at least on the surface.

Let’s assume a hypothetical scenario. If right now, you would be very outgoing, you’d socialize a lot, and if you try to present yourself in a positive light, I’m sure lots of women would see you as attractive. The same woman who would have been attracted to you 1 month before your breakup, would still find you attractive right now. Sure, if you have extremely low self-esteem, and if you act extremely insecure and with low confidence, then she would notice this after some time, but if she sees you from across the room, she probably still finds you attractive. So while I don’t want to pretend that your overall self-esteem doesn’t contribute to your attractiveness, of course it does, there’s more to it after your breakup.

The big problem isn’t just your self-steem, but more so, it’s that after being cheated on, we often don’t present ourselves in a good and positive light. We instead try to find the fault within us that validates our false assumptions that we weren’t good enough for our ex-girlfriend. But of course, that’s not true. I am sure you are a great man. You are probably not perfect or rough around the edges, and honestly, if there are any things you want to change about yourself — now is the best time to do so. I want you to work hard on yourself and be the best you can be. I want you to become smarter about dating, relationships, and most importantly, I want you to become better at choosing a good girlfriend who would never cheat on you. 

You deserve a decent woman who wouldn’t cheat on you, so if you want to really boost your self-esteem, then go out, work on yourself, and even start talking to women again. And as soon as you become happier, more energetic, more positive, you will automatically get a massive self-esteem boost because you will begin to recognize that there are a lot of women out there who are interested in what you have to offer.

Have you ever seen some guy who used to be just about average… Maybe even unattractive. And then he broke up with a shitty woman who only made him feel even worse than he already did… Maybe she even lined up a new guy already before breaking up. Or maybe she found a new guy right away, and meanwhile, the guy had to suffer for months with the entire experience. For a long time, he was just drowning in his misery. He was feeling like his life was over, and it kind of showed on his face. But then, something in him changed, and he got his life in order, became happy again, and even found a great girlfriend again.

We all instinctively resonate with the story of a man getting dumped or hurt by a terrible woman, but then that man becomes extremely attractive because he, for example, started going to the gym, maybe got a new wardrobe, and all of a sudden, all the women in town wanted a piece of him. We all know this story feels good. It’s the story of an underdog who deserved more in life, who eventually realized his true potential and worth, and then got the love he deserved from a great woman.

That can be your story and you’re probably closer to that story than you believe right now. All you have to do is become outgoing and social again. To be honest, sometimes that’s all you need. You don’t even always need to become extremely fit at the gym or massively re-invent your life. Sometimes, all it takes is to meet people again and try to find comfort in your daily life. And in the process, you’re going to meet women as well, and the simple fact that some women will be attracted to you, is going to help you boost your self-esteem. Then, of course, if on top of it, you also work on a few aspects of your life to boost your attractiveness a tiny bit, you’ll get an even bigger self-esteem boost.

Sometimes, all you need after a woman cheats on you, is to see that for the most part, you will not repeat the same terrible experiences again in the future. Your ex-girlfriend wasn’t a good woman and you’re currently biased and conditioned to a life where you feel like shit. But trust me, life is not shit, if you make something out of it. So, my best suggestion to you, is to find something new that you can do in the next few months…

Preferably of course, if there is some limited contact with women involved, this would be even better. For example, if you can go to the gym regularly, or go to some kind of regular activity where you occasionally get to interact with women, this will very quickly show you that there are still women who like you. Or at the very least, they enjoy talking to you. And with that knowledge, and especially, by no longer feeling tied to all the negativity that you had to experience because of your terrible ex-girlfriend, you’ll find that life is not as bad as it feels like right now. And you certainly aren’t bad either. In fact, there’s a lot of good stuff that you have to offer to family, friends, and women alike. 

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.