How long does it take to get over cheating if a woman cheated on you and she utterly broke your heart? Well, that one is a tough one to answer… Now, I could give you the standard “it depends” answer, and I suppose that’s technically true, but of course, there’s more to it. Cheating is a very personal experience that changes a lot about our own self-perception, and often it might ruin your self-esteem. So, let’s talk about how to get over your ex-girlfriend cheating on you.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. Alright guys, you must be going insane right now. I’ve been cheated on twice by women. The first time… Well, it wasn’t nice to find out, but I got over it quickly. The second time was really difficult for me though because I was so deeply in love with that woman and we had been living together for a long time, and we made long-term life plans, and so on. And I had to think about her all the time, even though, rationally thinking, you should NOT think about an ex-girlfriend who cheated on you. You should just get over it quickly and realize that she’s a terrible woman, right? Well, if only it were so simple.

The hardest and perhaps cruelest thing about getting cheated on by a woman, is that often, it will make you think about her more than if you hadn’t been cheated on by her. After all, the stronger the rejection, the harder it is to get over the rejection. So often, we obsess a lot when we have been betrayed and rejected. Getting cheated on invokes quite extreme emotions in our consciousness, which is why it is so hard to get over it. But how long does it take to finally get over it? Well, this is the “it depends” part of the answer. Theoretically, it should be possible to get over someone who cheated on you easily, but we tend to just ignore the obvious signs.

I remember, back then with the girl that really hurt me cheating, I was sitting down with a friend having some burgers. We weren’t even that close, but she said something like “Do you really want to be with someone who goes partying all night long?”, which was the objective and correct answer. My ex-girlfriend back then was partying, promiscuous and cheated in extreme ways. And yet, when my friend asked me that question, it’s almost as if it went into one ear, and out the other ear. I didn’t properly process what she had said. It didn’t register in my rational brain that this woman was a terrible person.

Instead, I was rationalizing and trying to find reasons why she cheated on me. I was trying to figure out where things went wrong. And that’s the problem with overcoming a cheating ex-girlfriend. You can never really rationalize why it happened. When we have been cheated on, we play through the entire relationship over and over, and we try to figure out WHY this happened to us. Why and how she should treat us so badly. It’s awful what she did! No human being would enjoy doing it, so what made her do it? Why did you not make her happy? How could a person possibly do something like this? There HAS to be a good reason for it, right?

Our brain, or rather, our emotional part of our brain wants to get closure, but closure means getting answers to our questions. But you’ll never get the answer to these types of questions. If your ex-girlfriend was willing to cheat on you, lie to you, and she hasn’t explained herself within a few weeks after the breakup, you’ll probably never find out how she feels about everything, why she did it, and even if she’s justifying it, you probably won’t even find out what made her think that she was right to do so.

And so closure with an ex-girlfriend who cheated on you is almost never possible, because you can’t put the pieces back together. You won’t get an answer from your ex-girlfriend. But, other people do have the answer. And even you have the answer. You can say right now “Would you really want to be with a woman who hits the clubs? Would you want to be with a woman who makes you wonder where she is right now? Would you want to be with a woman who seems to be hiding something from you?”

You can definitely, logically ask yourself these questions, and let them sit with you for a while, and make yourself realize that the answers to these questions are obvious… You probably just don’t want to hear them. So when you ask yourself those questions, don’t just let it go in through one ear, or one eye, and then let it come out on the other side. You have to properly look at these questions, let them stay with you and mature, reflect on them, and eventually conclude that, no, I don’t want to be treated poorly like this. It was not OK that this happened to me. And now, I decided that my ex-girlfriend wasn’t good for me and I can be glad that she is gone because now I can find something better in my life. And so, to clarify the “it depends” type of answer, it really depends on when you make that choice. 

The moment that you accept that you deserved a better girlfriend, is usually when you begin the process of moving on. Once you no longer see your ex-girlfriend as someone who’s worth loving, your feelings for her will slowly fade. Of course, you won’t stop loving her overnight. You won’t stop feeling betrayed overnight. But, you’ll start to develop a new perspective in life. That cheating is not okay. That women who lie to you in a relationship are not meant to be with you, because you are a man of integrity, and you want to be with a woman of integrity.

So, getting over an ex-girlfriend who cheated on you can take a month, or it can take 3 years. Some guys, and of course, also girls, spend months or years not lifting themselves up, and telling themselves that they deserved so much better. And I think some guys even do this on purpose.

Sometimes, with bad relationships, you might even tell yourself that you deserved it to a certain degree because you didn’t make your ex-girlfriend happy, and so that’s why she eventually found another guy. And that, of course, is the result of low self-esteem. So if you are trying to find reasons why she cheated on you, don’t make excuses for what she did. Have high self-esteem and respect yourself.

You are a good man, you deserve a good woman, and the moment that you become crystal clear on that, you begin to move on from a woman who was terrible towards you.

So, when will you get over your ex-girlfriend cheating on you? It could be today. At least, you can start today. Write down reasons for why your ex-girlfriend cheating on you was awful. Trash-talk her. And then look at those reasons, and review them multiple times. You can even ask your parents, friends, a mentor, anybody to give you examples of bad things she’s done, or things that they believe that no woman should do to her boyfriend, and then see if she’s done those. 

And then create a clear picture of how poorly you were treated in the relationship. And how intentional she was about some of these things. Once you look at some of these bad things that she’s done, and you rationally analyze them, you’ll recognize that you deserve way much better than that. And that’s usually, when a switch in your brain flips, and you begin moving on relatively quickly. So, good luck with moving on, you deserve a better woman.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.