What is the best way to get over a breakup for a guy? Or is there even such a thing as the ultimate method for getting over an ex-girlfriend? Well, yes, and no. I think what a lot of men do after breakups — and this has been proven through research — is that we tend to be quite narrow-minded when it comes to breakup recovery. And don’t get me wrong, in a sense, women are just the same. When wanting to get over breakups, both genders tend to focus on one specific thing that they think will work best – but of course, like with many things in life, a certain degree of balance, and variety can really improve your quality of life. And with breakup recovery, it’s no different. So let’s talk about how to get over your ex-girlfriend the best way.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. Mate, breakups are intense. They can make you think, say and do crazy things. When you’re going through a lot of breakup pain, and basically separation anxiety, you will do whatever it takes to feel better. And most people tend to only find one specific outlet to feel better after a breakup. Some guys hit the gym super hard. Some guys drown themselves in alcohol. Others start hitting the dating apps. And some more will start working on a business idea.

And, on paper, none of these things are bad. In fact, my impulse idea when I wrote this post was to start with the notion that as a guy, you should be grinding like crazy after a breakup. To really work hard and find something that motivates you, to do something that you feel really good about, and to become an absolute beast. And that is actually extremely good advice.

In fact, in principle, I’m very much behind this approach and most of my posts follow this idea. If you compare two guys, one is only sitting at home, crying, being sad, watching photos of his ex, not going out on the weekends, and so on… And then you have another guy, who of course, also thinks about his ex, sometimes he also cries… But most of his days, he is hitting the gym. He’s working on his diet, trying to go into caloric surplus, getting tons of protein for his body, and slowly increasing his reps. He’s probably getting into the best shape of his life given that he keeps it up. And he’ll feel great about it. Of course, the proactive man will be moving on and getting over his ex-girlfriend much faster than the passive man!

But, if I were to choose the perfect strategy for overcoming a breakup, then I would suggest to diversify, similar to how you diversify an investment portfolio. Diversification means that you don’t focus all your energy or resources only in one area, because sometimes, a single area of your life can fail. Just like how the stock market can go down. But if you also invested in crypto for dividends, then whether one or the other are a bit down, you would still be making money in the long-run.

So grinding after a breakup is incredibly important, but it’s a good idea to grind in multiple areas of your life if you want to gain the maximum amount of progress and healing. Because sometimes you might feel bummed out about the gym, or you may be close to giving up. And at other times, you may feel like your business idea is just not working out, or you might be overwhelmed by all the things that you have to do because you underestimated how difficult it is to try and run a business. And if you went all-in on dating, then perhaps you would get disheartened if you thought you had a great new casual dating situation going on with a girl, only for her to reject you or ghost you because she started dating another man.

When you grind, but only grind on one particular goal in your life, if anything in that area fails, you’re extremely likely to feel bummed out. And being bummed out is a recipe for disaster after a breakup. Missing an ex-girlfriend, wanting to be back with her, lacking self-esteem and confidence to achieve your goals, and other negative feelings all contribute to you being vulnerable to negative emotions. And these negative feelings make you a lot more susceptible to giving up when the going gets tough. I think it’s very likely that you will be tempted to, and even give up on some of your goals after your breakup, until you pick them up again. 

But when you have several things that you are pursuing, and in a best case scenario, you are turning most of them into small, incremental habits that you can follow on a regular basis, then you’ll have multiple good things going for you in your life — and when one of them doesn’t work out, you will still have something great happening.

If you hit the gym, but also socialize with friends, occasionally go out for some drinks, maybe attend church or go to a mosque on occasion… Obviously, assuming that you’re religious… And if you have your regular group meetup, like a book club, a men’s group, or something similar, then you can always fall back on something else that you enjoy. There’s nothing better after a breakup than living a life that’s better than what you had before.

Breakups can make you feel extremely defeated. Man, it is so rough when your ex-girlfriend leaves you. And honestly, even if you totally grind like crazy at the gym, and you become quite attractive compared to what you looked like before, the truth is, you might still feel relatively insecure. I am generally not a believer of a vertical type of personal development, where all your energy only goes into one area of your life.

Obviously, if you are extremely passionate about something, like becoming one of the best chess players in the world, that’s an incredible aspiration, but unless you can take one of your interests to such an intense degree of proficiency and dedication that you’ll also vastly benefit from it, then it’s better to grind holistically. Find multiple areas of your life that you want to improve, and become competent and confident with all of them to some relatively high degree. 

That way, your personal growth after the breakup will be impossible to ignore by your peers and women — and with that newly gained level of attractiveness, you will very quickly establish a new social safety network of many people who want to know you because they can see how impressive you are becoming holistically.

The best thing that happened to me when I had my “one big bad breakup,” was that I invested in many areas… I suddenly made 3 times more money than before. I suddenly started to go out a lot more. I worked out almost every day, which was a big improvement from barely working out once a week or so. I started to wake up extremely early to do so, and didn’t even hate doing it. I made lots of new friends, and I started doing things that I never did before, like going surfing a lot, dancing salsa more often, and I went to regular men’s group meetups. I got myself a better job and my circle of friends just became so insanely inspiring, filled with so many successful individuals. Was I still hurting because of the breakup in the beginning? Sure, but because I had so many anchors for happiness and enjoying life, suddenly, life was no longer so difficult. Instead, quite the opposite. It actually began to be fun again.

So if you want to get over your ex-girlfriend, then find things to work on in your life, but before you do, identify a few areas of your life that you would like to diversify in. Religion and spirituality. Physical attractiveness, diet and physical health. Friendships and social activities. Adventures and travel goals. Intelligence and knowledge that can be found in books. And so on. Write down a few of these goals, based on these groups, and narrow down the ones that you find the most interesting to pursue, and instead of only trying to work on one, but doing so at 100%, see if you can find a more holistic, long-term approach.

Define a new identity for yourself and determine which areas of your life that you’d like to become inspiring in. What do you want to be known for? How will people see you? How will you see yourself? How will you be proud of yourself and how can you elevate yourself, not just from your current painful situation that you’re in right now, but to go even further beyond, to feel even happier than before the relationship. I know, this sounds unrealistic right now, but believe me, it IS POSSIBLE.

And then, once you’ve created your masterplan, develop a system for yourself to regularly catch up on these areas in your life and develop them to a level at which all of them give you some benefits — and when one of them fails a little bit, you’ll have the others to fall back on, and to make you feel good about yourself. If you feel overwhelmed by this idea, don’t forget that it’s not a sprint — a new holistic plan for your brand-new life without your ex-girlfriend doesn’t need to be achieved overnight.

In fact, it’s Ok to take years to spend on the new things that you want to improve about yourself. As long as you have identified how you would like to improve your life, and take incremental steps to slowly feel better about your life, then it doesn’t matter if it takes you a year, or 5 years. So find some new things to pursue and then start working on them, step by step. I guarantee you, the results will be astounding. Even if you only pick 4 new things to improve in your life… Maybe some are brand new to you, whereas others are things you’ve cared about for a long time… 

Now let’s say that you will improve these areas of your life by 10%… Let’s say your social network is 10% bigger, or you go out 10% more often. Let’s say you meet 10% more women. Or you have grown your muscles by 10%. And your salary has increased by 10%… Something like that… Well, 10% sounds like it’s not much, but when you add all of these things up, wow, that’s actually a massive improvement in the quality of your life! So, I hope you can find several ideas for how you can improve your life and take small steps, day by day, week by week, to slowly improve them, even if just by 5%. That will still be a massive improvement in 6 months from now. 

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.