Getting over being dumped out of the blue by a girlfriend — how are you supposed to cope when your ex breaks up with you and there’s practically no warning? That kind of breakup really sucks… The initial reaction of most guys will probably be to chase their ex and try to figure out if there’s a way to undo the breakup… But that’s not really the right solution. Moving on is. But it’s not easy. So, let’s talk about how to cope with an unexpected breakup. 

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to get over their ex-girlfriend. Man, breakups that kind of happen out of the blue really aren’t fair. Unfortunately, this is a lot more common for guys than we’d like. And of course, when it happens, your ex-girlfriend will already have had the breakup planned for some time, but you were probably making plans for the next trip in a week from now. So of course, you must be going crazy with your breakup. You probably want your ex-girlfriend back. And even if you would like to get over your heartbreak, you just can’t find a way to forget your ex-girlfriend. I bet all you can think about is how happy your ex-girlfriend seems to be and you can’t understand how the breakup can be so easy on her. 

I would say that’s the biggest problem with these types of breakups. As a man, we can’t really put ourselves in the shoes of a woman who has been contemplating to break up for a while. And because of this, we mistakenly compare our own feelings for our ex with her feelings. And we think that she must be going through similar breakup pain and heartbreak. Or at the very least, she must still have feelings for us in a similar way than we do. But unfortunately, the truth is that your ex-girlfriend has been ready to leave the relationship for a while, and this is why she is now moving on so easily. She has already detached her feelings for you for some time — sure, it’s impossible that she fully let go while she was still with you, but at the very least, she has been putting on a parachute before the breakup to ease the landing, whereas for you, your landing is much harsher.

The best thing you can do as a guy after a breakup where your ex dumped you with no warning, is to not try and fight it, and attempt to embrace the same mindset that your ex-girlfriend has had for probably weeks before the breakup: She has been slowly trying to detach and prepare herself for a new life, and maybe even a new relationship in the future. You have to do the same now, even if it seems impossible because you still love her. There’s nothing you can do about your situation. 

Your ex made her choice to end the relationship probably weeks or months before she actually broke up with you — she just couldn’t find the courage until the unhappiness weighed too heavily on her. The difference between your experience and your ex’s experience is probably that she has been looking forward to enjoy her life again, whereas I am sure you are not enjoying your life at all right now. 

So my best advice for you if you are currently going through the rollercoaster of an abrupt relationship ending, is that you should try to find the motivation and positive mentality to enjoy life again. The first step after a breakup to get over an ex-girlfriend is to actually be in the mental frame of being willing to enjoy your life again. Breakup recovery isn’t too different from starting any other new goal in life. For example, if you would try to reinvent your life because everything about your life choices so far hasn’t brought you any happiness, then of course, the first step would be to acknowledge the things that weren’t working for you, and then you’d either first identify what you’d want to change, and then positively motivate yourself to make a change, or you would do the opposite. You would first find the motivation, and then set your goals to strive for.

Either way, you’d need to have the positive attitude to find new energy and new excitement, to try out new experiences, to reinvent yourself and start fresh, and live a better life. I know that finding this kind of positive outlook isn’t easy, especially after a breakup when you miss your ex-girlfriend. The hardest part is probably to imagine that you can have fun and enjoy life again. After being dumped, you’re basically deprived of all happiness because you weren’t ready for a new life, whereas your ex-girlfriend is striving because she was anticipating to enjoy her life. So this is why you should find things to enjoy.

Probably the best way to enjoy life and to follow new aspirations in life without feeling like it’s difficult to do so, is to be social and to meet new people. So that you’re able to share what you are up to with others and can feel proud of yourself. And of course, you’ll feel like an inspiring man, when you start to enjoy your life, and when you’re making big moves again.

And the best part is, that while you meet new people, in the process, you will eventually also meet new women. I never suggest to date right away after a breakup. You’re usually just not yet ready for it. But the knowledge that there are other women who are interested in you is always a good way to feel better about yourself after a breakup. 

Essentially, you should be doing similar things that your ex is doing. Have fun. Not to meet women or date someone new, but rather, to enjoy life and do things that aren’t so mission-critical. Sometimes you just need to have a great time by, for example, starting to go to the weekly soccer meetup or other fun activities. Yes, you can also find other aspirations that vastly make you more attractive to women, such as hitting the gym, upgrading your wardrobe, getting a nice dress, and so on. But socializing in general can be a big eye-opener to bring you on the same path of your ex-girlfriend, who is already enjoying her life a lot.

When an ex-girlfriend dumps you unexpectedly, I think that implies a big happiness and power imbalance in the relationship. It’s not like you saw it coming, right? So it can’t be that the relationship was extremely toxic and destructive for both of you. You weren’t always fighting, and so on… You probably didn’t feel like the relationship was an utter mess. Most likely, right? So I’m assuming your social life also wasn’t that bad, because it wasn’t negatively impacted by a relationship that was deeply invested already, but at the same time, extremely unhealthy for you.

So my assumption is that the main reason why you are now missing your ex-girlfriend like crazy, isn’t because your entire life is ruined… But rather, it’s mostly just about missing her. If you still have other things going on in your life, then you may not need to focus as much on rebuilding yourself as if you both would have been extremely invested in the relationship, with probably years of plans made for the future, but with lots of fights and disagreements that made the relationship worse over time.

If you don’t feel like your entire life is completely in ruins right now, but you primarily just miss your ex-girlfriend a lot, understandably, because you did start to feel very comfortable with her, then I think socializing is the best way for you to get over your ex-girlfriend and learn that you can have just as much fun as your ex-girlfriend after the breakup.

It will be hard in the beginning, this is why it’s a good idea to find other people who can kind of drag you along or help you be social. Sometimes you just need one good friend, or a new friend who can help you get to know a lot of new people, or helps you to go to a lot of new places to have a great time again.

Maybe that’s someone that you meet at a gym, or someone you meet at some kind of community or activity, like a book club. Community and human connection in general are the key to get over your ex-girlfriend. You should find something or someone who inspires you and makes it easy for you to be outgoing again, because the moment that you are having fun again in life, moving on will be so much easier for you. 

I’ll never forget my own “have fun moment,” when life got so much better after my worst breakup. Yes, of course, I did lots of things, like working out, making more money, having better work-life balance, lots of personal growth, going to men’s groups once a week… But one thing that stood out during that time in Bali was my new habit of going to the weekly salsa Latin dance night. Man, I loved those times! I was SO MUCH having fun! Dancing is always super fun, which is ironic, because I got really stiff hips, but I guess Latin dance is different from dancing at a club.

Back then, I was always hanging out with cool people at the Latin dance night clubs, and of course, lots of women were dancing with me, and many of them were also into me. It was a great time! And yea, it definitely helped me with forgetting my ex-girlfriend, because I was having such a fun time… In fact, this was one of the most fun times of my life, and honestly, I think I was enjoying myself more than during the relationship. So, a small shift in behavior, and trying to be more outgoing and finding something that you enjoy, can make all the difference to feel happy again without your ex-girlfriend.

Of course, you won’t forget her overnight, and you’ll still think about her from time to time, but, heartbreak gets a lot easier, when you got some fun things to do in life. So I hope you’ll give it a try to find something fun to do.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.