The art of conquering the pain of rejection from women — whether it’s before you even dated, when she dumps you after 1 month of casually hanging out with her, or after she broke up with you after a few months of actual dating. Or even a long-term relationship… Learning to overcome sadness that comes from rejection is possibly the number one skill a man has to learn to have a happy relationship.

No matter what stage of life you are in, at some point, some woman or girlfriend will drop you like a stone in a pond. Then the question is: Are you going to sink, or, can you swim? Let’s talk about how to keep on swimming when women reject you or break up with you.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. When was the last time since a woman rejected you or broke up with you? And more importantly, can you remember how long it took for you to get over her? In hindsight, probably much longer than it should have, right?

This behavior is effectively the one big issue that most men struggle with. We men are really bad at dealing with the fact that women don’t want us. When women leave us, we still think about them, often months later. Which, of course, is a big problem for men… Not as much for women. Because for us guys, struggling to move on when a woman didn’t want to be with us automatically means that we’ll be alone — forever alone so to speak. For a woman, when a man breaks up with her, the chances are quite high that there are 10 men already waiting in line to replace the old boyfriend — and that does not even count all the men that she meets on a daily basis. I’m practically only talking about her close circle of friends or men on social media apps. That by itself probably far surpasses ten men who would date her RIGHT now after the breakup.

Meanwhile, think back to the last girl that broke up with you or rejected you. How was your experience when it happened? I’m sure nobody was waiting in line to date. No woman even started to show basic interest in you, and the chances are high that you probably even looked more unattractive after the breakup because you gave off a very depressed energy.

So, naturally, for guys… When we’re rejected or dumped by a woman, the entire experience is immediately a test of our strength and mental fortitude. When a woman doesn’t want you, it really leaves you with only two choices: You can drown in that sorrow — which by the way is justified — or you can move forward and grit your teeth through the pain until you find a new relationship or something else that makes you happy again.

And yea, unfortunately, it’s very tempting to give in to the sorrow. That’s not just a challenge in romantic relationships. As a man, you have to learn to keep going when things are hard. And things WILL be hard in your lifetime. Especially with women. Now, one way that works with overcoming rejection fears and de-sensitizing yourself to rejection pain, is certainly, to try to gain the attention of women whenever possible — or rather, to approach them proactively. But this still only works for things such as a cold approach or on dating apps where the right-swipe basically acts as the initial approach. 

There will still be times when you get rejected after two weeks of talking. Or after dating the girl for 1 ½ months, all of a sudden she won’t be into you anymore. And sometimes, you will have been dating a girl for almost half a year, and all of a sudden, she loses all interest in you out of the blue. That one actually happened to me with my very first girlfriend. I didn’t even understand what was happening back then and man, I remember I was sulking for a long time until I finally tried to date again. 

I even think that until I had my next girlfriend, it must have taken several years maybe. Of course, not all of it was related to me sulking, being sad and missing her, etc… A part of it was just about the fact that I didn’t know how to talk to girls back then… But that’s a part of the point that I’m making here… You won’t magically end up in your next relationship, unless you try again, and learn how to become more interesting and attractive to women.

And of course, unlike a woman, you actually have to learn what works and doesn’t work. Unlike with a woman, not every time that you try to talk to a girl, is she actually going to like you. So, the quicker you learn to bounce back from the pain of rejection, and try your luck again, the better. That’s not to say that you immediately need to date again, especially after a long-term relationship. But you should embody a positive, strength-focused mindset, where you don’t give in to the desire of being weak and giving up. Instead, fight through the hardship, and learn to try again.

And yes, even if you become an absolute professional at approaching girls in public, it’ll still happen to you that you will get your heart broken after investing your time, energy and emotions into a girl who eventually turns out to not like you or love you as much as you love her. The best way to overcome this kind of rejection pain is always going to be to have the right mindset. If most of your experiences with women were experiences of rejections and letdowns, then you’ve only experienced one side of the dating coin.

You probably only know the perspective, where a woman, who dates a man, eventually rejects or leaves him. That’s probably the experience that you’re most familiar with because that’s what happened to you most of the time. Maybe more than 80% of the time, it’s you who’s been rejected. And usually, it probably was your ex-girlfriend who broke up with you.

But of course, men can reject women just the same. Men can be unhappy with a girlfriend, or leave a girl when they realize she isn’t as interesting as they thought she is. The problem is just that the fewer relationships that you had, the more likely you will be to not be aware of this. And also, if you’re younger, you’re less attractive in general to a woman than if you’re in your late 20s or 30s, for example. But just because your experiences have skewed in this way doesn’t mean that it always will be that way, nor does it mean that it has be something that’s still years away from your current reality. In fact, with even just minimal effort, you could have massive improvement to your dating life. And on top of that, sometimes, there are also many other important factors at play, such as not even realizing that there are lots of women attracted to you, and you simply go for the wrong ones.

So if you want to learn to cope with breakup and rejection pain, the best way to do so is to learn that there are options available for you. The girl, or girlfriend who left you isn’t the only woman on the planet. There will be plenty more women who will be interested in you or there might already be many that are interested in you but either you’re not making a move on them, or you’re just not aware of it. Trust me, if my 20-year-old me now would walk around town where I grew up, in Erlangen or Nuremberg, I’d instantly spot the girls who would be attracted to me, and it probably would be in the dozens simply when I’d be walking out on the street, during a single day.

So, a lot of it has to be about the right awareness, and also, it’s about actually meeting these women. And of course, also, learning to approach them or at least, learning to interact with them. 

The only way to learn that the last rejection wasn’t as bad as it feels to you right now, is by exposing yourself to more women. You have to make yourself available again. Sulking endlessly over one girl who didn’t want you is just not the right solution. And yes, of course this becomes harder, the more you care about girl. The more you loved her, the harder it is to let her go and start putting yourself out on the dating market again. It’s comfortable to just love the girl who loved you for a long time. It’s certainly much easier than trying to date other women, and possibly getting rejected again. 

But, even with the most painful breakup, I would encourage most guys to start dating again after a few months. As soon as you no longer feel the need to replace your ex, you should start meeting women again. And if you were only dating for a short time, let’s say, less than 6 months, then I’d encourage you to date again within 3 months since the breakup. That doesn’t mean you have to just jump into a relationship right away, but dating doesn’t only have to mean to go on a date, with the goal to make a woman your girlfriend in the shortest time possible.

Sometimes, dating just means to be available on a specific date to meet women, or even people in general. Because even simple activities, such as being outgoing, can lead to meeting a great woman.

And besides, as a man, you have to learn that nothing in life comes for free. Everything has a cost. Relationship satisfaction carries the cost of learning to develop grit and to train yourself to not give up after a rejection happened. Instead, you’ll pull yourself back up and try again. Or at least, you try to do so with as much energy as you can muster. The bottom line is, if you want a great woman to be with you, then you’ll have to work for it and learn to deal with the setbacks without obsessing over the times that it didn’t work out.

So if you recently have been rejected, or even if a girl broke up with you that you loved deeply, try to muster the strength to keep going. Even if you only make slow progress with dating, it is still better than making no progress at all.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.