Can exes be friends with benefits? Is it worth it to give FWB a try, or is it too good to be true and not worth the trouble? Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and this little corner of the internet, I talk about moving on from women, for guys.

So you’re thinking about being friends with benefits with your ex girlfriend, to just keep it strictly physical and ignore all your emotions… But is that actually possible? Irrespective of whose idea it is, your idea or that of your ex girlfriend’s, it’s likely that it cannot work out in the way that you expect it to if you just had your breakup fairly recently, such as, let’s say, within the last 1 year or so.

If you still have feelings for an ex-girlfriend, then the only thing you are going to achieve with a friends with benefits situation is that you are not going to get what you want, which is a real emotional connection with your ex. The reality is that if all you would care about is uncomplicated sex, then there are several ways to gain that. There are women on dating apps who are willing to do casual relationships, some women are specifically on dating apps to only be friends with benefits with men. And let’s not forget, there are other ways of having casual sex, such as going to bars and hooking up with strangers. 

Now, to be clear, I don’t endorse any of these behaviors. I think that these are shallow short-term solutions to relationships that don’t satisfy our core needs as humans. Whether you’re a man or a woman, hookups, FWB, or whatever you would like to call it, will not make you happy. But even if it would, then there would be little reason to do so with an ex-girlfriend, where the risk of emotional dissatisfaction is much higher than an arrangement with a woman where there hasn’t been a deep emotional investment. 

So before you are considering a FWB situation with your ex girlfriend, you should probably first ask yourself what makes you want to be friends with benefits in the first place, when you could get the same pleasure but less complicated with another woman. Whether it was your idea, or your ex girlfriend’s, let’s be real, at some point, one of you is going to be disappointed when you find out that one of you is starting to develop feelings for somebody else. And just logically speaking, it is much more likely that the one who will suddenly start dating someone else will be your ex-girlfriend, not you, simply because women have far more options than men, and if they want, they could easily date a man who has set their eyes on her.

So aside from the fact that friends with benefits is already a bad idea by itself, with an ex-girlfriend that is going to become an even unwiser proposition. If your ex is pushing you to be friends with benefits, then you should decline, because all she is trying to gain is some short-term gratification without having to commit to your relationship. If that is your angle and you’re hoping that there may be a chance to rekindle the relationship, then don’t kid yourself. 

The only right way to do so would be if your ex would have any real interest to restart a proper relationship, even if you’d only start to casually date again and start from the beginning. But a friends with benefits arrangement suggests that there is already an understanding that this will only be temporary.

It’s kind of like AirBnb for renting… Sure, it’s really convenient initially because you can easily get a monthly rental in any place. Sure, the rate his higher, but of course, that’s exactly, why after a month or so, when you found a great place, you’re going to get off the AirBNB and pay the owner directly. A FWB situation is no different. As soon as your ex got what she wanted and she received enough benefits, she’s going to move on to a different arrangement that’s going to be MORE beneficial for her… So, in the case of dating, she will probably start to commit to another guy after some time. And you probably won’t even see it coming because you’ll think everything is going great, only for her to drop the, in quotes, “relationship”, out of nowhere. And you’ll be disappointed, even if you told yourself it’s just a friend with benefits agreement.

So I don’t think that this is a good idea for most men. I don’t know what your motivations are, but whether you want to have casual sex, or simply because you are feeling lonely, it’s best to find another avenue towards relationship and sexual satisfaction. And sexual satisfaction without emotional satisfaction is massively overrated anyway. You dated your girlfriend seriously BECAUSE you valued the emotional aspect, not the sexual one.

For most guys, I believe the best choice after a breakup will be to remain single for some time, perhaps 6-18 months, spend that time on rebuilding yourself, to regain your confidence, hit the gym, and establish some new life goals to aspire toward, and then start dating seriously once you feel ready for it.

If you can really get over the breakup fast, and feel happier in a shorter time frame than 6 months, then that is great, though of course, don’t push yourself if you aren’t ready for it.

Either way, in no time, you are going to find a woman who will give you exactly what you desire. Whether that’s a short-term relationship or whether you have a serious long-term as your priority, if you’ll spend that time on yourself, rather than on a FWB situation that will only eventually end anyway, then you’ll be attractive to plenty of women and you’ll be able to choose whatever is right for you at that moment in time.

I mean, think about it… I get it, you will have sex, but it might feel awkward or not 100% what you want anyway. And, well, it may not be a real relationship, but it also will not be some sort of relationship. Simply a very low commitment kind of relationship. So, you will still make time for her. At least, when you’re dating another woman, you are investing your time beyond short-term satisfaction. A short-term investment in a relationship is generally a poor investment for your future. I would rather encourage you to stay single, than to waste your time with something that doesn’t reap you any rewards in 1 or 2 years from now, rather than spending time on something that not only can cause even more emotional damage or disappointments further down the line, but on top of it, in 2 years from now, you won’t have progressed as far as you could have. So, no, I don’t think friends with benefits with an ex-girlfriend is a great idea.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.