How to move on from your ex gf and grow from pain… I think if you just recently broke up with your ex-girlfriend, or she broke up with you, then seeing your breakup as an opportunity to grow and actually benefit from the breakup is probably the last thing that you’re thinking about. I assume that generally, the only thing that you can think about after you broke up with your ex-girlfriend is that you no longer want to be in pain. But, that pain that you are feeling shouldn’t just be something that you run away from.

As a man, big breakup pain is an important part of growing and becoming more attractive in your future relationships. Of course, nobody wants to think about future relationships right after a breakup, but it’s crucial to see how your breakup can also help you for the future, even if you are not interested in it much right now. So let’s talk about how you can use your pain to move on and come out stronger after… well… I guess you could call it your downfall.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. If you are missing your ex-girlfriend like crazy and you don’t really know how to move on from the relationship, then I bet you aren’t focused on your personal growth. At least in the beginning, I think very few men have any interest in thinking about trying to improve themselves after a breakup. What I mean by that is, instinctively, we don’t do that. When we miss our ex-girlfriend and when we’re heartbroken, we are initially laser-focused on the pain of losing her, and we don’t realize that the only way to feel better is to actually strongly accept that pain and practically use it almost as a form of fuel.

When you are going through a breakup, man, your entire body is literally burning emotions as energy. Your entire psyche is running at a speed of 300km per hour, trying to work through all the heartbreak as quickly as possible. But of course, when you don’t know where to channel all the energy, you will often only run in circles and not get anywhere. It’s kind of like using heating in a poorly insulated room… All of the energy is just going to waste. And this is why some men really struggle with moving on, because they just think about their ex-girlfriend endlessly, instead of using some of that energy to do something else. To find another valve for all the heartache.

So if you are really going through the motions and thinking about your ex all the time, then it might actually be a great idea to first of all, acknowledge, and perhaps even measure how much time you are spending on thinking about your ex-girlfriend. A lot of you guys are probably running on complete autopilot after the breakup. You’re randomly thinking about her, the things you used to do, how you can’t go on without her, and so on.

And all of these feelings come up spontaneously, when you least expect them. Often it’s pretty much an automatic impulse. You can barely control it. If you don’t pay attention to it, then you will naturally focus like crazy on your breakup pain. So in a sense, not focusing on the negative aspects of your breakup is almost like a skill. Or a habit. It requires effort and discipline. And of course, the first step is recognizing that you are not expending effort to overcome your pain. You’re not consciously trying to use your mental energy to stop yourself from thinking about your ex-girlfriend.

Once you actually are aware how often you are thinking about your ex-girlfriend and the relationship, it can often be a real wake-up call that you need to change something after your breakup. You might be quite shocked to find out how often you’re thinking about her, and how a large majority of your time practically goes to waste… Entire weeks can go on where you got nothing done, never tried to take a step forward, never tried to do something new with your life, and instead, your thoughts just revolved around her… And despite all of it, nothing’s changed. You’re not feeling better at all. That’s extremely pointless if you think about it. There’s really no purpose in only being focused on the pain after a breakup. 

Of course, sometimes, pain in life cannot be avoided and we need to face it. And sometimes, we need to stay in the past, to be able to move forward. For example, if someone that you loved passes away, you won’t magically move on from that pain just by letting go of all the memories. Nor does the death of that loved one itself carry profound meaning. Sometimes bad things just happen.

But in the case of a relationship that ended, there’s more to your grief than just pain that revolves like a circle until it’s gone. The end of a relationship almost always carries some kind of lesson with it. And that lesson and the knowledge how your relationship changed you, generally can be used to transform your life for the better after the breakup. 

You and your ex-girlfriend spent a lot of time together. Perhaps it’s been months, or maybe even years. In those years, everybody around you who could have become potential friends, business partners, bosses, and girlfriends, also changed of course. Nothing and nobody ever stays the same. So as you get older, you want to evolve and learn from your experiences, mistakes, and the great things of the relationship as well.

Generally speaking, it is never a bad time to acquire a new skill, to learn new concepts and ideologies about personal growth, to become more attractive by working on your physique, and so on. If you have been with your ex-girlfriend for a long time, it may be the case that some areas of your life have been extremely well developed, whereas others have been neglected by both of you.

As much as your pain after the breakup seems to be impossible to overcome, you can also try to use some of that pain to motivate yourself to work on some of these areas that were neglected in the last months or years. And of course, you can also divert that negative energy towards brand new things that you’ve never done before that you’ve always wanted to give a try. 

Breakups are harsh, they are certainly not something I would wish upon anybody, but for many people who were in a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling, they are also an opportunity to find new ways to fulfill and enjoy your life. In a perfect world, you would be in a happy relationship where both partners always encourage each other to grow beyond their limits, discover new ideas together, and never stop growing as a couple and individuals.

But if you had a breakup, perhaps that was not the case, and because of that, your new-found individuality and independence after your breakup can also serve as an opportunity to discover all of these new ideas on your own until you find another great relationship that brings you happiness.

To me, pain is a great motivator and almost like a source of positive anger or anguish. Many people actually use their pain or their feelings of hurt for good purposes. Many men go to the gym to become an absolute Chad after a breakup. Or look at Anthony Hopkins, one of the greatest actors of all times. He became a famous actor, strongly motivated by his feelings of revenge. He wanted to show those who made him unhappy that he can achieve great things in life. That’s not to say it’s necessarily the best reason to grow after a breakup, but the principle is the same.

Pain can be used to turn yourself into a monster who achieves great things. Someone who transcends the kind of man who he currently is. You can do the same thing, and become something far beyond what you are capable of. And when you become that man, you will inevitably find something amazing in your life that will make you happy again. And with that success, you will rarely look back on your relationship and miss it in the same way that you miss it right now.

So try to find something where you can channel your pain into and turn all that negative energy into a massive force of positive personal growth. Become the next best version of yourself and move on from your ex-girlfriend by being satisfied with the status quo of your new life. So if you’re having a hard time getting over your ex-girlfriend… Which by the way is perfectly understandable… I’m not suggesting you SHOULDN’T be in pain… But ask yourself… How can you now use all of that pain and transform your life? How can you think like Anthony Hopkin, and say “fuck you” to that pain, and instead, say to yourself: “I’ll show you! This isn’t going to defeat me. I’ll now find something new to do with my life. Even if it takes me some time to feel happy again, I’ll get there!”… 

I am sure you have your own ideas of exactly what’s missing in your life… I’m not talking about your ex. I mean, what’s missing about your personal identity. What gaps and holes do you need to fill now that your ex-girlfriend is gone. Is it socializing? Are you not meeting enough people? Are you not working enough, or maybe too little? Are you not challenging yourself to go to new places? Are you too unattractive? Maybe you’ve always felt like you’re too skinny or something like that, and now is your chance to finally build yourself up… Who knows, maybe that even bothered you during the relationship…

Something like this happened to me once. I once had a bad breakup, and one thing that I changed a lot after that breakup was that for the first time, I became quite active with workout… Not as much as further down the line, but I began doing a lot of home calisthenics workout, and you could REALLY tell that I was working out. I was no longer the unattractive man, who was only sitting in front of his computer. And of course, that is then one of the reasons why so many women began being attracted to me as well. Most of these changes happened in just a few months.

So you can use your big gaps in your life, and you can analyze all your breakup pain, and instead of suffering too much because of it, you can use all of it as a massive motivation to start a new, better and improved life. You now have a chance to address anything that you’ve been frustrated with in the past. You get a clean slate to do whatever you want. And this is usually not how a lot of guys see their breakup. Most guys think there’s only pain and negative aspects to be found, but I always see a breakup as an opportunity for a rebirth, to rise back from the ashes like the Phoenix, and to reinvent yourself completely, and possibly even in a very short time frame, become so outstanding in your new life and activities, that you no longer feel overwhelmed, depressed, sad, or helpless and hopeless all the time.

Is it always easy, or am I promising you that there won’t be weeks, or months, where any of your new ambitions might feel like they are not worth it? Or that you’re just doing them for no good reasons, except for forgetting your ex-girlfriend temporarily, but then you still think about it? No, I won’t lie to you. It won’t always be the picture-perfect outcome, where magically, you will forget all your pain. But it’s better to transform as much of that pain into positive actions, rather than just sitting, waiting, and wishing that things will get better.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.