How to enjoy the single life after a breakup as a man? Let’s be honest, being single as a man is extremely difficult. Way more difficult than it is for a woman. It’s no coincidence that women find a new partner and heal much, much faster than men do. As a guy, enjoying the newly found single life is usually the opposite of fun — you’re alone at home, you’re mostly on your own with the heartbreak with few friends to support you, and you are probably so mentally messed up, that it reflects in the way that you look. So, how to enjoy your single life when it feels like you’re being dragged through the dirt by a car? Let’s talk about it.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. So yea, let’s not sugarcoat anything. Being single as a man and enjoying it is extremely hard after a breakup. To be honest, of course, it’s even hard at any point in time, not just right after a breakup. Learning to be single and being okay to be alone for extended periods of time is quite literally a life skill that most men should learn if they struggle in life without a girlfriend. 

And if we look at the difference between men and women, we often see how women enjoy themselves after breakups far more than men. You always see them posting their happy selfies. It’s even become a bit of an internet joke or meme that women will go through their “healing stages,” and so on, which, well… Means they are going through the stage where they make the worst possible choices with men and date far too many guys in a short period of time. But hey, at least they have fun, I guess. And interestingly, women also do a lot of shopping after breakups, probably to prop themselves up and make themselves more attractive to new men.

So a woman’s instant instinct is to jump to quick joy, pleasures, fun experiences, and so on. And of course, there’s nothing wrong with that on the surface. Fun is great. In fact, learning to have fun, or learning to evoke yourself to have fun when you are NOT having fun is another life skill that comes extremely handy at difficult times, such as depression, long stretches of loneliness, after a move to a new city, and so on. 

But in the end, as a guy, enjoying life isn’t so much about those quick bursts of joy… I have found that the best way to enjoy singlehood as a man is about something deeper. You see, a lot of the things you see women do is about presentability. To a woman, her happiness is dependent on whether she seems like she has a good, well-connected life with others. Whether she’s pretty and preferably, radiating more happiness and beauty than others in the room.

But for a man, his happiness isn’t based on how happy he looks. At least, it’s not the main factor for a man. There’s a reason why men who smile aren’t seen as more attractive by women. What makes a man attractive is when he’s seen as grounded, reliable, and self-reliant. What makes a man seem attractive is when he’s got a mission, a strong conviction and a clear purpose that he keeps on following. And this is not just a woman’s desire — it’s a man’s innate masculine nature. 

But when we have a breakup, we often forget our masculine energy that’s based on moving forward, taking action, and getting things done. Breakups stop you in your tracks and almost make you drown as if you’re stuck in quicksand. This is why breakups hurt men so much more in the long-run.

To us as men, feeling good about ourselves is all about being good at something, and of course, preferably being recognized by it — which brings us more social status. For example, have you ever been at a place with pull up bars, either a public gym or a private calisthenics gym, and you see some guy doing amazing pullup exercises that make you be in absolute awe and it makes you wish you could be as incredible as that man? When you watch a man doing crazy horizontal pullups, or perform an incredible handstand pushup in the air without a wall, you almost have to wonder if he’s superhuman. But not just that, if you’ve ever observed such a man, you will notice how he’s absolutely in the zone, hyper focused on the thing he’s trying to achieve. 

Now, this isn’t a post about becoming the most powerful, most skilled man at one specific thing. That’s a bit of a cliche, simple advice. Yes, that is something amazing that can help any man enjoy being single — but let’s be honest. It takes years of dedication for many goals until you truly become a master at something. So I want to talk exactly about that. The journey that it takes to get there.

As I write this script, I can’t help but picture myself, from back in the days, when I would hustle in the city of Metro Manila, always on the go, going to places, getting lots of stuff done. It’s the constant momentum forward that really feels good and gets you in the zone. The knowledge that you’re not stopping, that you keep on trying to push yourself further in life, to become smarter, stronger, more humble, more multi-talented, more analytical or more mathematical, and so on… 

The best, most exciting times of my life were those when I didn’t even realize that I was going at full-throttle, always at a 100%, and people literally wanted to know how I could be so efficient. The truth is, back then, I didn’t know it myself how I was so inspiring — because true inspiration is something that happens subconsciously. When you’re really in the zone, or really believe in a vision or a dream, you’ll do anything to get there. And every minute that you spend on that dream feels absolutely exhilarating. 

Now, how do you feel? You probably feel like the absolute opposite, don’t you? You have been broken up with your ex-girlfriend… You’re alone. And the most important thing is: You’re absolutely uninspired. You are NOT moving forward. The worst part about being stuck in life is that you are so conscious about the fact that you’re stuck. Whereas when you’re totally in the zone, on a mission to change the world from your own point of view, you don’t even have to think about moving the next chess piece along. So, what every guy does after a breakup is that they look at all the chess pieces and they endlessly contemplate their next move.

And on the surface, that really makes sense, because you have to figure out what the next move should be to bring you happiness, right? But sometimes, you just have to move. Get going… Maybe fail once, twice, thrice. Do 5 things that didn’t fulfill you. But eventually, you will find something that really inspires you. If you’ve ever been stuck in life, like a quarter or mid-life crisis, then you know that the worst thing for a man is to just stay stuck, and overthink his next move.

What gets a man going is the fact that he’s moving. Of course, in a best scenario, what gets you out of bed inspires you and takes you closer towards your long-term life goals. But even if that is not the case, sometimes moving somewhat forward is still better than staying in the same place. 

At the very least, there’s one thing that can inspire every man: Some form of sport. Whether it’s the gym, running, climbing, mountain biking, or anything else. Every man gets in the zone and becomes extremely high energy when he does some kind of sport. I bet you have absolutely no idea whatsoever what you should do with your life in general, because your breakup has completely changed your needs in life.

Now, your priorities have to shift back to you, away from your ex-girlfriend and whatever plans you had together. That’s why it’s a great idea to try and get good at one simple thing, then with time, find more things to get good at. A form of sport is the lowest hanging fruit for most guys because it doesn’t require much thought. All it takes is for you to show up, get out of your house, and start making small waves with your progress.

I think most men actually want to instinctively focus on the good stuff after a breakup… The parties, the female attention, the fancy coffee shop visits for inspiring IG posts, and so on, just like you always see it in reverse from women — it’s tempting because the validation on social media makes us superficially feel better.

But if you really want a lot of these things for the long run, get good at one thing. Dedicate your time to that one thing. And see how that thing can help you meet new people and be social. And faster than you may realize, you will run into a lot of women who will notice what you’re up to, and they will be attracted to you simply for showing up on the daily with the thing that gets you in the zone. If you want to get these short-term wins that women seek after a breakup, then you don’t have to actively seek them out. 

Simply focus on a long-term gratification goal, rather than a pleasure goal, and with time, pleasure will become a byproduct of you being extremely well-respected in one area of your life. There’s nothing better after a breakup than seeing that, while your ex may no longer love and respect you, many other people, including women, still respect you. It’s that earned respect from your peers that will make you enjoy being single again.

And by the time that you are respected and in the zone, like an inspiring calisthenics man, I guarantee you, women would be lined up left and right already to want to date you. This is the only reasonable way to find happiness again after a breakup. We always want to get what we had back — emotional and relational satisfaction. But for a man, it takes work to get there.

So naturally, you have to learn to love the process of being single, in order to no longer be single in the future. Don’t try to be a happy single man after a breakup. Instead, try to be a man with a purpose and a mission, with something that gets you moving every day. Once you have found that thing that gets you going, you’re practically already on your way to moving on and slowly getting out of the heartbreak phase.

So ask yourself, what’s something that you could imagine yourself pursuing every week for the next few years, and then start doing it in some way or form.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.