When you want closure but she never admitted that she cheated — what to do? Man, getting cheated on by a woman is tough enough, but I think the biggest stab in the gut that you can receive after such an action, is when your ex-girlfriend won’t even admit what she has done.
It’s almost like making you think that you’re crazy, as if you were seeing things that were supposedly never there. So, essentially, gaslighting. This kind of stuff can really question your own sanity and make you wonder if there’s something wrong with you. The worst thing is when all you want is to gain closure and understand why she did this to you — but you’re left hanging with a breakup that will never come to a proper conclusion. How are you meant to deal with this disrespectful and painful breakup? Let’s talk about it.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from an ex-girlfriend. Wow man, getting cheated on by a woman is an awful feeling… But what’s even more mind-boggling is when a woman cheated on you and she just won’t admit the truth. EVERYBODY hates this kind of behavior. Not just when it comes to cheating. Man, at least, when you did something terrible, own up to it and don’t pretend like you didn’t do something bad. It’s what anybody with a conscience would do.
This one hits extremely close to home… There’s effectively only been one relationship in my life that ever truly hurt me and fundamentally changed me as a man. That relationship is in fact, why I now teach about relationships and breakups on the internet.
Back then, the woman that I was in love with had clearly been cheating on me in quite extreme, repeated ways. And yet, I would delude myself for as long as I could that everything was fine. Until I could no longer take it and ended the relationship. But despite trying to gain even the most basic level of closure from that ex-girlfriend, I never got even the tiniest bit of acknowledgement of her guilt. Not even a tiny spark of “I flirted with other men and I shouldn’t have done it, I’m sorry that I did this to you.”… I can somewhat understand why a woman, or anyone for that matter, does not want to apologize for cheating… It must feel extremely shameful. But it’s extremely hurtful when there’s not even a sliver of an apology.
That practically 99% clear evidence that an ex-girlfriend cheated on you, but that missing 1%, the 1% chance that maybe, it didn’t really happen and you just need to know for sure. Man, it can drive you mad when your ex-girlfriend will just take absolutely no responsibility for the things she has done.
That story is close to home, it basically happened almost exactly like this… But in my coaching sessions with my clients, I have seen all kinds of other crazy stories with women that were hard to even imagine. There’s one thing that I can take away from these sessions and the exes of some of my clients: There is no hope for closure when a woman has no remorse for her actions and perhaps even wants to project her actions away from herself towards you with blame. I don’t believe all women are bad like this. In fact, you should believe that most women are fundamentally good. But there are SOME women who go through extreme lengths to never practice accountability for their own actions.
If you’re the type of man who always wants to act with integrity, who has a conscience, and on average, was well-raised, then this kind of behavior can hurt you more than you could possibly imagine. I think a majority of all people, men and women, have a basic functioning moral compass.
Yes, some people really have an inaccurate moral compass, and even myself, I am not a saint. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life that I’m not proud of — but that’s in essence the ingredient that is missing from an ex-girlfriend without any integrity. Good people, despite making horrible mistakes throughout their lives, feel terrible for their shortcomings. Sometimes we apologize and try to repent, sometimes we at least acknowledge our mistake on a basic level. And most likely, no longer repeating the same mistake becomes a big priority in our life. I think even the worst good people will try to at least seek forgiveness or try to ease the pain of the person we have hurt.
But when a woman has cheated on you, and especially if her moral compass is 100% broken, this kind of closure, of the evil-doer repenting for their sins, will likely never come. These types of breakups are the worst because you quite literally couldn’t even imagine any person to behave in such a way. If your ex-girlfriend cheated on you, especially if it was very obvious how she did it, you’d expect that at the very least, she’d acknowledge what she did, right? She may not seek forgiveness or try to persuade you to give you another chance, but at the bare minimum, you’d expect her to be truthful in what she’s done.
I have once done something very shameful… It has nothing to do with relationships. Without wanting to spill 100% of the details because it’s quite personal, I essentially broke a close and important relationship during a time when I was extremely depressed and isolated during COVID. Back then, I lost my home and was stranded and many other bad circumstances made me make the wrong decisions about my social life.
That shame and guilt plagued me for years. But I didn’t know how to say sorry and ask for forgiveness. But then one day, as painful as it was, I messaged my friend and I just spilled out everything that I felt. She didn’t forgive me, nor did she still care, but that’s not the point of that story. Good people will try to make things right, even if they know how hurtful it is to acknowledge how much they messed up. I will never forget how much mental resilience it took to send that message to my now ex-friend. Of course, my friend couldn’t really know to what degree I was hurting when I sent her the truth of how bad I felt about abandoning our friendship.
The moral of this story is that a good woman will tell you that she is sorry for hurting you. No person can live with such a grave transgression as cheating and not have it eat them alive over the years. But when an ex-girlfriend won’t admit that she has cheated on you, even though denying it almost seems laughable, you should just try to move on from the situation as quickly as possible.
I understand how strong the urge is to gain closure, especially when you practically know that you’ve been cheated on, yet the small doubt still remains — after all, accusing or assuming that someone cheated on you is a pretty big mistake if you’re wrong. Even if there’s just a 1% chance that you were wrong, you would probably try your best to make sure that you aren’t jumping to the wrong conclusions… That’s human nature. And this is exactly why you should move on and stop seeking closure or clarity on what really happened.
In the end, if you were in a relationship with a woman where you were driven as far as having to spend sleepless nights over whether or not she really cheated on you, the only choice is to move on and let the relationship go forever. When a breakup and a woman mentally ruin you, it’s a clear sign that this relationship wasn’t good for you. Yes, of course, every breakup can mentally mess you up, but no relationship should leave you wondering whether you spent most of the relationship with a woman whom you loved deeply, while she was effectively a two-faced liar.
I hope that you can accept that closure is often something you have to choose to receive all on your own, and I hope that you can find peace from your ex-girlfriend if that’s who she was. Sometimes, the best thing to do after these types of relationships, where it is obvious that your partner was horrible, is to accept it, come to terms with the fact that you were in love with a woman who was so far removed from what a good woman should look like, and go on with your life.
I’ll never forget something a friend of mine once said to me, regarding this ex-girlfriend who chronically cheated. Back then, she was partying… Almost every day. For weeks, or months. We were living in the hottest tourist destination in the Philippines. Kind of like the new Bali in South East Asia, though it was very early days back then.
And as I was sitting there over a burger, sitting with my friend who listened to what had happened with the breakup, trying to console me, she asked me something like: “Do you really want to be with a girlfriend who makes you worry like that every single day?”… Something like that… Basically, she was pointing out the obvious…
She could see that I was looking for hope. She could see that I was still madly in love with the girl, and I was looking for ways to see signs that things weren’t as bad as I was afraid they were. But sharing how my ex behaved for months prior to the breakup, was all she needed to know. Anyone with a reasonable, objective outside perspective could have told you that I was blind due to love, and this woman was extremely toxic.
And while I didn’t fully absorb what she was saying… Months and years later, I fully agree with what she said back then. How could I ever look for closure or answers when the answer was so clear and staring me straight in the face?!
She could see it crystal clear that this ex of mine was an extremely terrible woman. And that realization, to accept that the one you dated was not only awful in their behavior during the relationship, but even more so, they did not even take accountability for their awful behavior afterwards, tells you everything that you need to know.
No, you don’t need a woman like this in your life. You don’t even need closure. Knowing that her character is irredeemable IS your closure. It’s the sign that it’s time to move forward with life, and accept that you and her don’t operate on the same wavelength. You have a conscience, she doesn’t. You would NEVER hear anything from her that gives you comfort. You would probably just hear more lies, more gaslighting, more blaming it on you, and so on. Trust me, if this is the type of woman that you dated, then there’s only one way to go: Up! Any woman that you would date in the future would be an upgrade. So focus on your new life. Focus on finding closure by starting a new, better life. And someday, you’ll meet a woman who is so much better, and you will think you were crazy for ever being heartbroken about your ex.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.
