When the breakup pain of your ex gf won’t go away. Geez, there’s nothing worse than being stuck after your ex-girlfriend broke your heart. Sometimes intentionally, at other times, unintentionally. So many things can go wrong, or at least feel wrong after a breakup. Seeing her move on without you, maybe her having fun with mutual friends, or you having to choose to do things without her. Whatever you do after a breakup, sometimes it seems as if nothing feels right and the pain of losing your ex-girlfriend just doesn’t seem to go away. So let’s talk about how you can ease that breakup pain. 

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-gilfriend. Missing an ex-girlfriend for long stretches of time is the worst experience. Man, I’ll never forget the one painful breakup that I had where I just wouldn’t feel better for month, after month, after month. And that was despite the fact that I was doing a lot of the things that I encourage you guys all the time on the channel. I was working out hard, and for the first time, got a bit, well, at least skinny muscular, which was a big upgrade for me. I was hustling, but at the same time, my work-life balance skyrocketed, and I started making double the amount of money. My life was improving in a lot of ways, because I knew that I had to fight, not give in to the pain, and keep on going, even if I really, really missed my ex-girlfriend. 

But despite that, I still couldn’t let go of the pain. Yes, my life was awesome and most of the time, I absolutely loved the new me. But I also still had the occasional huge bursts of heartbreak pain coming back to me when I least expected it. Even though I became way more attractive to women than I’ve ever been before, developed massive charisma and women started paying attention to me left and right, still, my ex-girlfriend was very often on my mind. Of course, it got exponentially better because of those positive changes, but I definitely understand what it’s like to be drowning in pain after a breakup.

And so, I want to recall one thing that I remember from this breakup, that taught me a lot about loss in general, whether that is for a romantic relationship, or any type of relationship, friendship, and the connections that we make along the way, that sometimes get lost over time. When you try to move on from a breakup, or really, anything that’s extremely painful, you can’t look back. You can’t consciously choose to feel your feelings, to consciously choose to be vulnerable, or reminisce about the good times and perhaps even start to cry and think about hypothetical what-if scenarios.

I remember, back then, I was absolutely winning in life. I had the best life possible. That was definitely the peak of my life, although I guess nowadays I’m certainly more successful in business since I own multiple businesses. But generally speaking, I was just going from one winning streak to another. Life was incredible.

But despite all of it, I would sometimes look back at the memories with my ex-girlfriend, and think about all the things that happened between us. I would hope for her to get in touch with me and tell me how she feels, if she feels similar pain as me, hoping for a sign that she missed me. And there were many times when I would cry and feel like I couldn’t keep going anymore. Even though my life was amazing, I just couldn’t shake her off my mind. 

But in retrospect, I realize why that was. I SHOULD have moved on from her back then. I was doing everything correctly. Nearly every area of my life was improving. But the problem was that I still made a conscious effort on occasion to think about her, when I didn’t need to. I had no real reason to think about her, except for wanting to replay the old memories, to feel nostalgic or to feel a little bit of comfort in my feelings of love for her because I hadn’t really fallen in love with anybody else yet. Other women didn’t seem like what I wanted. I just wanted the woman that I loved back. Even WHEN I was no longer chasing her, I would always compare every other woman to her. And so I often consciously chose to bring up the memories about her, and of course, the pain that was associated with it.

I talk about a similar topic in my book “48 Masculine Principles”. The title of that chapter where I give advice on this bad behavior, is called “Men should cry, but NOT choose to cry”… That is a massive distinction which can fundamentally determine whether or not you get over your ex-girlfriend relatively fast or not. We all go through huge pain in our lives. Breakups are one of those moments that can sometimes be one of the strongest hurts we’ll feel throughout our lives. So of course, it’s quite normal to feel broken. It’s normal to cry and to miss an ex-girlfriend beyond measure. But you should NEVER CHOOSE to think about your ex-girlfriend. You should NEVER CHOOOSE to be emotional about her. You should NEVER CHOOSE to let yourself go and embrace your sadness, almost as if you are pushing for the tears to come out. 

It’s a slight difference that makes ALL the difference. You can be strong, but vulnerable and not be ashamed of your emotions and become very aware of them, and let them flow like a river when it’s necessary. That’s the good approach to how a man should handle his emotions after a breakup. After all, if you can’t feel your emotions, and if you can’t stoically make sense of all of it, how will you overcome the pain, right? 

But, there’s also the weaker approach, where you choose to be weak, and not only feel your emotions and then calmly assess them, but instead, you become irrational, never in control of them, and you intensify all that pain and give it more energy than it deserves. You keep on cycling through all the negative emotions, and you don’t really resolve anything. You’re just doing it because you want to feel something. You want to give in to the pain. You want to think about your ex. You don’t want to take the hard steps it takes to get over her. You don’t want to fight through all the pain necessary to move on. Instead, you choose the kind of pain that feels comfortable and you seek it out as often as possible.

And that is an approach that cannot work. There are many things that I advocate for all the time after a breakup. Work out hard, get in the best shape of your life. Detach properly and accept that you have to go your own way. Learn to be single and enjoy that journey. Start a new business or pursue some kind of interest, and get incredibly great at it. Basically, the idea is to show yourself that life still has greatness to offer. And that you can still be a great man, even if for a while, you probably didn’t feel that way. All of this is essential.

But no matter how good you get at any of those things, if you then choose to give in to your weakness and especially your feelings of love towards your ex-girlfriend, well, of course, that love is always going to win over all the hard work that you would have done on yourself. Because there’s such a long-lasting, profound, and also extremely comfortable familiarity to those that love.

So while personal growth is extremely essential after a breakup, you cannot neglect that emotional self-control to stop yourself from reminiscing about your ex-girlfriend is equally important. Most relationships will have had plenty of good memories. Even with a very toxic ex girlfriend, you would probably cling more to the good memories than the bad ones. So happy memories with an ex carry a lot of weight and even the most resilient man will struggle with moving on when he embraces his feelings for his ex-girlfriend once again.  Nobody’s safe from this. Even celebrities can be extremely broken-hearted and may not get over somebody, when they could easily find another partner. 

So clearly there is a massive difference between choosing to remain strong, and only be vulnerable when you get reminded of your ex-girlfriend for some reason, rather than you CHOOSING to remind yourself of her.

When you choose to think of her, it’s almost like you’re choosing to be weak. Let’s be… We all know what it means when you’re going to think of her. You’ll be sad. You’ll be lonely. You’ll cry. You’ll want to talk to her. You’ll want for all of this shit to be over. And you certainly won’t feel the urge to say to yourself “Nah, I’m done with this… I am done missing her… I’ll go on a date with another girl.”

I mean, maybe you’ll think that, months or years down the line, when you’ve done this for an eternity and you finally accept that this pain is pointless… But by that time, you would have already wasted an enormous amount of your time on all of this, when you could have taken these more positive steps much sooner.

So therefore, when you feel overwhelmed with the breakup and you feel like thinking about your ex-girlfriend, find something else that you can do instead. And perhaps even have a written reminder to commit to not becoming excessively vulnerable when you miss her a lot. Or likewise, let’s say you need that reminder for the occasions when you had a bad week. Prepare yourself to be strong, and don’t anticipate or even put yourself in a state where you choose to reminisce about her just because it feels easy and comfortable. 

The hard choice, and the better choice, is to go forward. To do the hard work of not thinking about her. Or only thinking about her once, then asking yourself what you can learn from those thoughts, and then actually moving forward strongly, with a plan, and with a positive outcome in mind. Keep your positive attitude and reduce the moments when you allow your pain about your ex-girlfriend to take over to a minimum. It requires a lot of emotional self-control, but it’s just as important as the emotional self control required to hit the gym regularly. Maybe it’s even more important.

So keep up the good work and the next time you feel tempted to think about your ex-girlfriend, well, ask yourself right now: What would be something better that you could do? What is something else you could think about? What is something else you could achieve? What is a positive outcome that you could focus on when you feel the urge to think about her? Then, try to do some of those things instead and ask yourself: Was it really that hard? Or maybe, did it even feel good? I guarantee you, in the beginning you might answer this with … yea that was extremely hard… But after some time, you might find this approach rewarding and even say: “Hey… that wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be”… Or you’ll think… “Hey, it wasn’t as hard as it used to be”…

So, I hope you can stop yourself from obsessively thinking about her. Only do it when it’s absolutely necessary.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.