Why does my heart actually hurt from a breakup? If you never had a really, really bad breakup, then you’re probably not used to having physical pain in your body. I mean, most likely, if it’s your first painful breakup, and your body is aching , then I’m assuming that you are maybe at most in your late 30s if usually, your physical health is in good condition.
It’s not very easy to get used to the extremely negative effects of a breakup, and also, guys are actually not as used to negative emotions as women are, so bad breakups can be quite the shock for us men. So, let’s talk about your breakup, your heartbreak, and your heart that seems to be broken, not just emotionally, but physically.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from an ex-girlfriend. So, if you are dealing with an extremely painful breakup for the first time, then you’re probably almost feeling as if you’re paralyzed. And that metaphor is actually not too bad, and I’ll explain why in a moment. But first, let’s talk a bit about pain in general.
Actually, it’s been studied that breakups cause physical pain. Or well, rather, it’s rejection that causes us physical pain. And what is physical pain? Well, it’s essentially an automatic response by your body to warn you that there’s something wrong with your body, or rather, your body is in danger of being hurt, and so the pain acts as a signal to let you know, hey, be careful. Like for example, if you have ever jumped into a bathtub that’s been too hot, then you know what it feels like to get an instant warning that you’re hurting yourself.
Now the question is, does that mean that if you had a breakup with a girl, and your heart is really hurting, it means that your heart is literally in danger? Well, it’s complicated. I suppose you could say, on average, the answer is probably no. I actually did a YouTube video/post about heartbreak syndrome before, which in simplified terms, is the phenomenon that your heart can weaken significantly from excessive chronic stress. Now, for that to really impact your body, and in some cases literally kill you, you’d likely have to be under insane amounts of stress that probably almost nobody watching this will ever feel, even with extremely bad breakups, like a breakup with a 7 year long relationship, and the girl was your fiance already, and you were about to get married in 2 months from now.
And even then, you’d have to be under extreme chronic stress for your heart to give in. It’s not impossible, of course, and I’m not a doctor, so in case of doubt, always talk to a health professional, but generally speaking, I think if you’re under the age of 30 or 40, even with such an intense amount of breakup pain and stress, your body could probably still manage. But again, always talk to your doctor if you feel extremely unhealthy. So then, why am I making this post? I mean, I talked about heartbreak syndrome before, and now I’m telling you that your pain in your heart is probably nothing serious, so, what’s the point, right?
Well, the point here is that, it’s probably not your heart that’s hurting. You think it’s your heart. So as I said, your body feels pain because it knows something’s wrong. Now, if you look at the anatomy of your body, actually, our body, or all our organs near the heart are not exactly big. It’s relatively cramped there. In the area near your heart you have well, the heart, you have the lungs, and then further down below you have the diaphragm. So it’s very easy to read into whatever pain you’re feeling and immediately jump to the conclusion “hey, something’s wrong with my heart”, when it’s probably more likely that something is slightly wrong with your lungs.
When we go through a lot of stress, it happens quite often that we don’t regulate our breathing properly. Usually, when things are going just fine in our lives, our lungs move pretty normally. In, out, in, out. It happens automatically. But, well, guess what happens when you are constantly thinking about your ex-girlfriend. You’re missing her. You can’t stop thinking about her. You’re stressed out constantly that she’s moving on, you’re worried that she is falling in love with somebody else, you’re worried that you’ll be single forever now that the relationship is over, and so on. Whatever is tormenting you right now, it’s probably going through your head non-stop. So, effectively, you’re overthinking without pause. And that causes you stress. And that entire overthinking process is a good metaphor for what happens to your lungs.
When people get anxiety attacks or panic attacks, it usually happens because their body either forgets to breathe, so it pauses too long with the inhale or the exhale, or the lungs are breathing at an unnatural rhythm. And so since your lungs are very close to your heart, and in fact, they essentially engulf your heart, it’s very likely that your breakup isn’t directly hurting your heart. But what’s happening is that the area around your heart is probably stressed, maybe there’s inflammation, but that’s anecdotal, as I said, I’m not a doctor. But the bottom line is, your body knows when your lungs are meant to breathe, and that’s why panic attacks happen. That’s why chest pain happens.
That’s why you’re probably thinking that your heart is burning, or that you’re about to have a heart attack, a stroke, or whatever. It’s really easy to freak yourself out after a breakup when you can’t cope at all, and everything just keeps getting worse emotionally, and you just keep on missing your ex girlfriend more and more, not less, and then to top it off, now your heart seems to be hurting as well? Holy macaroni! It’s a recipe for disaster. You’ll probably imagine that you’re about to have a heart attack. Even the biggest anti-hypochondriac would probably think he’s about to collapse any minute with all those mental and health issues hitting you all at once.
And so, this post is for once not a motivational speech about moving on, and finding peace, or finding something new to do with your life. Obviously, yea, it’s of course a great idea to re-orient yourself and find a new rhythm, and find something that gets you in the zone and keeps you from overthinking all the time so that your lungs get into a normal rhythm. Of course, that is the best long-term solution. But long-term solutions aren’t very useful in the moment when you think you’re about to get hospitalized soon if you don’t figure out what’s wrong with you.
And you also won’t just magically stop missing your ex-girlfriend either, so, let’s talk about a likely solution that will help you at least a little bit. And the solution is: Breathing techniques. Obviously. If your lungs are most likely the culprit for your physical pain after the breakup, then helping your lungs relax will help you solve the problem. Lungs are similar to your muscles. They aren’t muscles per se, but they partially are made up of muscle tissue. And human tissue heals and recovers extremely quickly compared to the rest of our body. Very quickly after the stress gets removed from your lungs, your chest and heart area is likely going to feel better. To recover your lung health, all that’s needed is for your lungs to breathe the way they are supposed to: In, and out, with a non-sporadic rhythm.
I don’t want to turn this post into a breathing techniques tutorial. There are many techniques and great YouTube videos out there to practice and follow along. Consciously breathing can be as simple as counting to four for the inhale, and counting to four for the exhale, and repeat. Or you can do a box-breathing technique, where you visualize a box, count to 4 for an inhale, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold again for 4 seconds, and repeat the cycle. Or you could do the 4-7-8 technique, where you breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for 7, and exhale for 8, and then repeat.
Different breathing techniques work for different individuals, and sometimes also for different types of anxiety. The most important thing to consider isn’t which breathing technique you are using, but rather, that you are reminding yourself to breathe consciously. When your lungs breathe with an irregular rhythm, you tend to not even realize that you are doing so, but your body will subconsciously deteriorate and feel worse over time, and the pain in your chest is most likely not related to your heartbreak, or rather, not in the way that you think.
The pain in your chest, or your heart, is simply tension that is being stored in your body and you’re unaware that you aren’t releasing it. And that’s why your heart actually hurts. Again, this is no medical advice. If you really feel bad, feel like fainting, or have prolonged periods of chest pain, then you should always seek out a doctor to be safe. But if you haven’t given it a shot yet, first give breathing exercises a try and see if your condition improves. I am sure for most guys reading this post, simply prioritizing conscious breathing techniques a few times a day will be enough to overcome the aching pain in your chest.
Don’t panic, you will feel better soon. Take care of yourself and don’t forget to do something that is fun to take the edge off. You are feeling all this tension because of your breakup stress, so it’s a good idea to spend some time on doing new fun things that help you automatically de-stress and relieve some of the tension in your lungs or diaphragm.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.
