How to get over your ex being with another man? You must be devastated right now. Finding out that your ex girlfriend has found a new guy is one of the hardest things to deal with after a breakup. It’s like an aftershock earthquake, which sometimes can hit nearly as hard as the first impact. So, let’s talk about how to cope with it.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. Alright, so, everybody’s breakup story is different. For some of you, your ex might have had a guy a week after the breakup, for some it was a few weeks or two to three months, and sometimes, it only happens after let’s say 3 or 4 months, maybe even longer. But whenever it happens, it doesn’t matter so much. Of course, each scenario has its own unique way of how it hurts, but the bottom line is, when you find out that she’s with a new guy, you probably can’t believe that it’s been so fast. And you probably still miss her like it was yesterday. And the thought of being with another woman maybe even rarely came to your mind so far. Even if you considered to start dating again, I assume you aren’t super enthusiastic about it. Some of you might even see dating after a breakup more like a means to an end to move on.

So yea, how the hell are you supposed to deal with that knowledge that she’s already moving on with her life, and from the looks of it, she left everything behind? Well, the most important thing is, don’t take it personally or make it about yourself. This is what every guy always does when an ex girlfriend finds a new man. If your ex girlfriend found another guy so easily or fast, then it must mean that moving on from you was easy, right? That means, there must be a reason for that. There must be something that wasn’t good about you, and so the fact that she’s moving on with another guy much faster than you could, kind of implies to you that you’re the one who was the problem. You’re the one who’s worth leaving behind. You’re the one in the relationship that isn’t worth grieving over. It sucks. That feeling freaking sucks. 

And then to top it off, it also leaves you feeling like your relationship with your ex-girlfriend is gone forever. There’s nothing to salvage there. It makes you lose hope and it makes the breakup seem final. So in a sense, it’s like a second period of breakup grief, because you have to confront for a second time that the relationship is over. And because she’s dating someone new, it’s official now. She’s moved on. She’s never coming back. She doesn’t need you. She doesn’t miss you. All of these thoughts, feelings, the self-loathing and self-doubt, it weighs on you. For a lot of guys, this is the moment when they have a setback with their breakup recovery, because they go back into a cycle of overthinking the breakup and where things went wrong. 

But your ex starting to date another man should technically not change anything to your situation. When you have a breakup, whether you got dumped or whether it’s you who broke up, or maybe you somewhat agreed together to break up… In that moment, you should treat it as the moment that you make up your mind to move on from the relationship. Being broken up should be the same thing as choosing to break up. Once the choice has been made to break up, you have to stick with it and not question your decision. Just because it’s your ex-girlfriend who now is moving on with your life, doesn’t mean that you should now not move on. I mean, think about a simple real-life example of quitting your job versus getting fired. Assuming that in both scenarios, you actually want to have a job, you wouldn’t or shouldn’t just sulk and not actively try to find a new job. Of course, whether you got fired or whether you quit your job on your own accord, let’s say maybe because the company sucked, of course, you’d be looking for a new job.

Breakups are no different. I know, the example is much more personal, but the principle is the same. Even if you get dumped, you have to choose the breakup in the sense that you have to accept the breakup instead of fighting for it to happen. The moment that you had the breakup was the moment that the relationship ended, and the only reason why it hurts for a second time when you find out that she is dating someone else is because you haven’t properly moved on from the relationship.

Of course, when you still have feelings for your ex-girlfriend, or rather, the stronger the feelings for your ex still are, the harder it will be to find out that she is dating another man. This is why you especially shouldn’t let it get to you too much if she’s dating someone already after barely a few months. It’s extremely unlikely to move on from an ex-girlfriend after just a few months and so trying to analyze the situation or trying to make sense of it almost always only makes the situation worse. Generally speaking, it’s not normal to move on very quickly from a partner, so when you try to make sense of the situation, you won’t really find any satisfying answers.

It hurts so badly when an ex girlfriend seems to be moving on with another man at a much faster pace than you are letting go of her. It feels as if you are not as resilient, as if you don’t have your life in order as much as she does. After all, as a man, you’re supposed to be strong. When an ex-girlfriend seems to be stronger, it makes you feel even worse than you already do after a breakup. But you should never compare yourself to a woman, who will always have it easier after a breakup. By the time that a few months have passed for a woman, she will probably have had 100s of chances to date another man, whereas you most likely had exactly 0 chances, unless you actively started going out of your way to meet new women again. 

That’s probably unlikely because you have to first focus on rebuilding your strength and confidence in order for women to be attracted to you. And this is exactly why you shouldn’t be bothered by the fact that your ex-girlfriend is already dating another man. Your breakup experience as a man is completely different from a woman’s breakup experience. As a man, the only thing you should be focused on after a breakup is you, your personal growth, reaching your old highs and climbing new heights to become the most attractive, happy and successful version of yourself that you’ve ever been. 

Besides, let’s be real for a moment… In most cases, it likely doesn’t hold meaning anyway that she’s already dating a new guy. Or at least, it’s nearly impossible to accurately predict what it means. For almost any healthy individual, it’s extremely unlikely to move on from a partner after just a few months. Your ex is probably just doing rebound relationships and not properly processing the breakup. Is it possible that she’s really over you? Sure, but again, since you can’t really know what it means, there’s no point in overanalyzing it and trying to figure out what it means about you, and whether it implies that you weren’t a good boyfriend, and so on. 

I’ll never forget, I once had a client who had been broken up with his girlfriend. Their relationship was already really bad before it happened. It was pretty toxic overall. The typical relationship with a fairly toxic cycle of fighting around the end of the relationship. But anyway, he loved the girl a lot despite all of it. And after breaking up, he wanted to get back together with her. He REALLY loved that girl a lot, I could easily see it… He was quite the mess during our first session. Of course, his ex-girlfriend, who by the way, was pretty disrespectful during the relationship, and in my humble opinion, was likely cheating on him… Well, she had a new guy after just a few months… In fact, she had multiple guys in short succession. 

But there was one guy that my client believed might be very serious because they were taking couple photos and she was posting dinner pictures with her sister and her new boyfriend… Well… Or whatever you could call him. That’s the whole point. He was just one of many guys that she ended up dating, but of course, my client thought that THIS guy was finally THE ONE. The one who would replace him for good… It really hurt him a lot to see her post those happy selfies with the guy.

And in reality, of course, he was just one of many guys that his ex was dating. It was completely irrelevant that she had a new guy. Even the guy who finally seemed like he made her properly happy, clearly wasn’t making her happy since the relationship didn’t last for very long. And this illustrates perfectly why you should not focus too much on what your ex-girlfriend is up to, because it will only bring you pain, but it doesn’t mean anything. Besides, even IF he would have been the new real long-term boyfriend for his ex, as I explained just a minute ago, it doesn’t matter. You should already put yourself in that state of mind, that this is a possibility. It’s an inevitability. It’s going to happen eventually that she’s going to find a new guy.

Whether they are serious or not, nobody can accurately predict it. But, what I can predict for certain, is that you’ll always be in pain if you don’t adopt a new mindset, where you accept that the relationship is over. It was over right when the two of you broke up. So now, you have to start something new. You have to build a new life for yourself. You have to look toward your own life goals and things that you want for yourself.

You can also see it from this angle: While your ex is just randomly dating around, you can now take the initiative and invest your time in real, meaningful changes. You can focus on yourself, and find happiness in new ways. With better habits, new goals, new passions, new friendships, new achievements, and new helpful principles to adopt for your life. The time right after a breakup, is usually where most of our personal growth happens, because we are no longer in a complacency mindset. The pain that you’re feeling right now is a great source for positive action, to define a new path in life and chase your new ambitions so that the pain will slowly fade.

And when you stay focused with these goals in mind, eventually you will find happiness all by yourself, through the new pursuits of yours, and by that time, you will be so attractive to so many women, that you will find a new woman who will make you as happy as your ex-girlfriend made you, and by that time the fact that she already dated another man will not matter.

There’s even a high chance that you will be happier than her because you will have taken your time to properly move on, recreate yourself fully before dating, and then finding the right woman for you, whereas your ex may be dating a new man too soon and she’ll simply be single again after a few months or years. 

So don’t feel bad if your ex is already seeing another man. What matters is that you find your happiness without her, and how she finds her happiness should no longer matter, because you are no longer a couple and it’s time to accept that and move forward no matter what she chooses to do with her life. It’s a bit of an intimidating idea when you first hear it, but once you properly internalize it and carefully think it through, you’ll probably realize that this is an incredibly powerful idea and mindset. I’m sure, very soon, you will embody this mindset and this by itself is already going to help you feel better about yourself.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.