How to let go of memories with an ex girlfriend. How is it even possible, especially when the memories were so good and maybe some of them were the best things that ever happened to you? Seriously, it’s so rough to go through a breakup. If you’re reading these types of posts, then your breakup is probably among the hardest you’ve ever had to experience. For the first time, you feel like a piece of you is completely missing, and all the good memories from the relationship are practically like a part of you. They are part of what made life great and worth living for you. There’s no way you could let go of any of that, especially now that your ex-girlfriend is gone, and they are the only things left that make it feel like your life isn’t 100% falling apart. So, let’s talk about letting go of all the good times with an ex-girlfriend.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. So, letting go of the memories with an ex-girlfriend. Man, it’s… really not easy. I think a lot of you don’t even want to. I still remember my first and well, only really serious breakup where I struggled a lot with the aftermath. Letting go of the memories with my ex-girlfriend felt wrong. I felt as if I just couldn’t do it, that I would erase an important part of me, and if I’d let it go, I could never take it back. Can any of you guys relate to that?

After all, when you get into a relationship with a woman, you are putting all your hopes and dreams into that relationship. Maybe it’s your first relationship, or at least, your first very serious one. You may still be a bit naive and idealistic about relationships, and you certainly hope that this relationship will develop into something for the years to come, maybe you’d like to get married, have kids, get a garden and all that classic dream life that many people dream of.

And that’s probably how you lived through the relationship, right? You never questioned or doubted anything. You appreciated every moment. You thought you were getting closer to those relationship moments. You were always holding hands, cuddling, you pulled late nighters together to work on your big dreams. You had movie nights and late night snuggle sessions. The trip to the food court or to the lake somewhere far away was unforgettable. All of it was good stuff. And every little memory felt like you were building more toward that big final dream. I understand how hard it is to let go of any of these things.

So, how do you let go of all of that? It sounds crazy to do it, doesn’t it? It’s almost impossible. How can anyone do it? How come women do it so easily compared to men? It is absolutely mind-shattering when you have to even ask yourself these questions. When you feel like you couldn’t let go of all of this in a 100 years, yet you know it has to be done somehow… 

Well… Here’s how I see it: I don’t think that it’s necessary to let go of the memories with an ex-girlfriend at all in order to move on and feel happiness again. It’s an unrealistic expectation that just because you are letting go, as in, moving forward with your life, that you are truly letting go of the memories with your ex-girlfriend. I can still remember some fond memories even with my first somewhat serious ex-girlfriend, and it’s not like I look back at any of those memories with regret or pain. Those memories are a part of yours, and that is a good thing, even though of course, right after a breakup, these memories only bring you pain. You don’t have to let go of all the memories, but rather, you just have to let go of the pain that you associated with them.

When I was younger, I used to think that’s what I had to do: To let go of the memories completely. And I thought that by letting go, I would essentially make all the memories meaningless, or null and void. As if it never happened. The thought of that really scared me back in the day. And I’m sure it’s the same with you. It’s like the moment that you decide to let go, it’s done, right? You have to accept that she’s not coming back. You can’t get back what you had.

But of course that doesn’t mean that you have to let go of the memories with your ex-girlfriend. These memories will be with you, and in the future, I hope that you can look back at these memories with a feeling of fondness, and perhaps it can even bring a smile on your face. For sure, this isn’t how it feels for you right now, but in the future, it will. There is no need to abandon the memories of your ex-girlfriend. It is Ok to occasionally remember her, and sometimes still feel sadness while you are still healing.

What you can do to make the memories feel less painful while you haven’t healed, is to follow a similar approach to how women seem to move on. I don’t think that women forget the memories of their ex-boyfriends either, but it seems to me that they have an out-of-sight, out-of-mind mentality, where they try to make it harder for them to be reminded of their ex. And so this is why you often see women socializing heavily after a breakup, because it acts as a great distraction. Otherwise, they’d probably have to face the bittersweet memories as well and they may also be extremely depressed for longer than they usually are. 

So what women do after a breakup, is that they effectively set the memories aside. I don’t think that is a fully healthy approach, to a big degree you just have to feel your breakup pain, process the memories, and reminisce about everything multiple times, but there is a certain point in your healing process where you need to make the choice to set the memories aside and no matter how much they matter to you, or how sad they make you, you will need to start to focus on new things in your life. 

For example, maybe you want to explore a new business idea, or you would like to try a hobby, or maybe you want to expand your knowledge with something that you’ve already been doing for years, like, let’s say you’ve been a coder for many years, and you’ve always wanted to get good at data science. You have to actually take your time to focus on these new things, rather than constantly focusing on the memories with an ex-girlfriend, or processing the breakup. A part of processing a breakup is to consciously reflect about your feelings, and the other aspect of moving on is to set those memories aside so that you can create new ones.

And then, once you’ve spent time on yourself, at some point in the future, you can look back at the memories of your ex-girlfriend, not necessarily by force, but simply because she will come to your mind, and then you will no longer have the same kinds of feelings about those memories. Because those new things that you occupied yourself with, started to blend into your identity, and now, you will have found new things, experiences, friends and relationships that will be important to you. And of course, looking back by then, you probably won’t think about the painful memories, but instead, you’ll mostly focus on the good aspects that you got to experience back then. And for sure, all of those memories will have informed most of your decisions for your new life choices.

When we lose incredible things in our lives, like a great woman, we always tend to look back and focus on the pain that’s accompanied with the loss, when we could just as much focus on gratitude and satisfaction that we were lucky enough to experience something meaningful and great in our lives. It is hard to stay focused on the fact that we cannot recreate the past but can still be grateful for it. 

If you want to let go of those memories for your ex-girlfriend, effectively, I highly suggest for you to practice gratitude for the good things that happened, but not chase after those memories. Instead, look at what all of these happy memories meant to you, and ask yourself how the lessons learned from all of them can help you make positive changes for your future life. 

Perhaps there are even some great things that happened in the last relationship that you can try to find in other aspects of your life, and also in the future, from other women. So don’t worry about letting go of the memories of your ex-girlfriend. Don’t abandon your memories of the relationship, but rather, learn from them. 

What were the biggest three lessons for your life that you’ve learned from your memories with your ex-girlfriend? What are things that you appreciated, that you want to have again? Or, likewise, what are things that you would like to do differently? That’s not even to say that they have to be done better, or that the old way was bad per se, but perhaps, there’s an upgraded version of it.

For example, I used to live in the city for a few years in the Philippines, in Metro Manila. And now, I’ve been mostly living in more peaceful places. On the outskirts of city, at the beach, in small provinces. And that’s because I learned that it’s better for my relationship with my girlfriend to have a simple life. To be able to live with a garden, or to be able to do simple things such as going for walks and enjoy the simplest moments together. That’s not to say that the memories in our apartments were bad with my ex-girlfriends, it’s just that I learned that there were things that I wanted to enjoy in better ways in the future.

Don’t just look at the painful lessons and memories from your breakup. There are so many good things that you can take away from those memories, and then, start to work towards a new and great future. Yes, for some time, this will have to be without your ex-girlfriend. And it’ll be without another woman who means as much to you as your ex-girlfriend did, but over the years, you’ll see that none of it was for naught. You learned important lessons from these memories, so cherish them without desperately clinging to them.

And hopefully, very soon, they will no longer feel bittersweet and you’ll be grateful for all of them. And, of course, I hope you’ll also have begun to build a new life that makes you as happy.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.