She left me & I’m broken — what do I do? Man, getting left behind by a woman is a terrible experience and the worst part is that very often, it feels as if you didn’t mean anything to her when your ex-girlfriend seems to leave you behind as if nothing happened. And the one who seems to be in pieces is you, whereas from her point of view, the breakup didn’t break her, but instead, it seems as if it healed her and all of a sudden, she is free, happy and full of joy. This hurts a lot and can make moving on extremely difficult because you feel that you lost someone extremely precious — so let’s talk about what to do and how to feel about all of this.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from their ex-girlfriend. The cruelest thing about a breakup with a woman who broke up with you may not even be the fact that you’re no longer with her — the harder part is seeing how happy she is after all the time spent together. As couples, we tend to become extremely intertwined during our relationships, and many times we can’t even separate ourselves from our partner any longer. We really feel that she is a part of us, and vice versa, we are a part of hers… Or at least, so we thought.

When we’re then left behind, it’s as if our entire identity as a person is being invalidated. I remember this feeling all too well. When it feels as if you’re almost not worthy of existing. Getting left behind by a woman in a way that seems as if leaving you is the best thing she could do to live her life, makes you feel as if you’re the least desirable man in the world.

I know you must feel awful right now if your ex-girlfriend has broken up with you and you don’t just figuratively, but also metaphorically feel left behind. You’re all alone and you have to figure out how to live your life again. And the worst part is that after breakups, for a woman, they tend to be empowered in their newly-found freedom. You go girl! You deserve only the best! You look so happy now, enjoy life! Meanwhile, as a man, nobody is going to pay much attention to your breakup pain. Nobody is going to celebrate you if you go on a party-spree after your breakup. And nobody really cares if you make a bunch of fancy social media posts about how enlightened you feel and that you’re ready for a new, better and happier, more conscious life. 

How your ex-girlfriend feels is anyone’s guess. It depends a lot on your individual story and what happened. But what’s for sure is that you won’t have the benefit of being a woman who will easily get a lot of attention from other men. A friend of mine recently talked to a woman who told him that she always gets approached by men, and he then talked with me on WhatsApp about whether it’s normal to actively approach women. My friend is extremely successful with women. But he just doesn’t approach women actively. It’s just not his style. And he was quite surprised HOW often women get approached. 

So as a woman, breakups are like a free ticket to get a lot of attention from men, and most likely, a lot of that attention will be reciprocated. Meanwhile, as a man, there’s no free meal. You are stuck with your loneliness, the emptiness in your heart and the realization that you have to work hard to get back on your feet. And to a lot of men, this realization is understandably extremely terrifying. After all, who wants to struggle to be happy, right? Nobody.

But, I think hardship and breakup pain can be a blessing in disguise. I’m not here to tell you that it’s great that you had a breakup but at the very least, these trying times are here to shape you into a stronger and more attractive man. I have this one chapter in my dating and attraction book, and the title of the chapter is called “Suffering reveals a man.” As the name of the chapter implies, the darkest times of a man will also be the times when he will be shaped into the best version of himself. When we are at our low points in life, we have a unique opportunity to make drastic changes in our lives. 

When a woman breaks up with you and leaves you completely broken, with seemingly no way to heal from the breakup, you are going through a lot of violent forces that seem to burn your heart and soul to the ground. But just like a sword is being shaped under massive heat to the point where it is practically breaking down, so are you going through a lot of stress, tension, and heat — but you can use all of this energy to turn it into something powerful — just like a magnificent sword that’s been forged under pressure and heat.

So, the hard part for a man after a breakup is to get to a mental state where being okay with this massive discomfort no longer drives you insane. Obviously, just like metal goes through a lot of stress to get to a state when it can actually melt, you’re going through an intense amount of heat that doesn’t feel normal. It doesn’t even just feel uncomfortable, it practically feels painful. You want to rid yourself of that pain. You want to no longer miss your ex-girlfriend. You want to no longer be alone. You want to no longer feel lonely, abandoned and betrayed.

And as a result, usually, what feels the most tempting to do is to find quick remedies for the problem. Basically, anything that you can find to ease the pain right away will seem tempting. Alcohol. Parties. Anxiety medication. Dating apps. Hookups. Maybe even things such as massages with happy endings, etc.

But truly great things can only come out of this breakup right now, if you don’t do any of this. Don’t prioritize short-term hacks that seem to help you ease the pain. Alcohol or a casual fling with a girl are a good example of how these things will only numb the pain, but below the surface, it’ll remain. The only good thing that is coming out of this pain, is that it can teach you to fight through pain. As a man, nothing in life comes free in life. Depending on your age, you may not yet have been screwed over 20 times by life, but the same pain that you’re feeling right now will hit you again in the future. Learning to fight through the dark times of your life is an incredible skill that any man has to acquire.

When things get really bad in your life, you hold the key to make things better. It may seem like your ex-girlfriend left you broken beyond repair, but the truth is that it’s her easy post-breakup experience that will be a con rather than a pro in the long-run. You now have the opportunity to look the hardship straight in the eye and instead of giving up, you can prove to yourself that you are strong as hell. Way stronger than you may believe right now. You have the power to become an absolute beast after a breakup. The sooner you get going, the better. Hit the gym. Go to social events — not necessarily parties, just social gatherings. Start a new hobby and dedicate an insane amount of time on the new skills that you want to develop.

Believe me, I understand the struggle of feeling stuck and being unable to get out of a dark place. And the longer we stay stuck in such a dark place, the harder it is to get out of it. If you feel broken and left alone, then get up and fight. You don’t have to accept the bad things that happened to you. I’m not saying deny that your ex-girlfriend left you, but you can fight back against the bad things that happened to you and say, screw you, universe, not today. I won’t give up and become miserable. I can get out of this pain.

Me personally, I’m a bit of an arrogant asshole at times, partially because it’s in my German nature to be boastful and direct, but also, I really don’t like giving up in general. I don’t think everybody has that mentality to that strong degree, but I think as a man in general, I don’t think you like to lose in life. So don’t let yourself feel defeated.

I know your ex-girlfriend hurt you like crazy and you can’t believe that it’s over and she is moving on like nothing’s happened, but you can find the same energy that she has. But more so, you can make real profound changes, and shape yourself like the swordsmith shapes metal into a weapon. You can become really inspiring and attractive. You can overcome this pain.

And by the time that you fought through the pain, you will probably already have become so attractive to other women, that losing your ex-girlfriend and being alone no longer feels so bad, because there will be a lot of other women who will be paying attention to you. I know it sounds scary to do so. Starting from scratch seems terrifying. And sometimes it feels as if the only one who could make you happy is gone from your life. But you’re wrong about that. You can still make yourself happy with enough dedication. And if you stick to that dedication, someday another woman is going to make you even happier in the future. 

So don’t give up, and fight your way through your breakup. Hit the gym and lift weights, push yourself, scream if you must. Don’t let yourself be pummeled to the ground by this breakup pain. I know you can get out of this rut. 

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.