How to get over a breakup without depression? Breakups can really immobilize you when you’re not careful. And more notably, I believe that they can pose the biggest threat that a man can possibly go through: depression and suicide. It’s statistically actually up to 3 times more likely that a woman has depression, but WHEN men do have depression, they are much more likely to commit suicide.

That’s why I think a breakup, which increases risk for depression, is a pivotal time for most men. Very few times in your life do you have to be as careful not to fall down into a deep hole. So let’s talk about how to prevent falling into a long state of loneliness and depression after a breakup as a man.

Hey guys, welcome back to the Breakup Corner, I’m Andi Galster, and here I teach men how to move on from an ex-girlfriend. Breakups are really hard on our psyche. I’m sure most of you are going through intense heartbreak right now. But what many of you might not be aware of, is that the pain that you’re going through right now is a good thing. 

Breakup pain, or heartache, is essentially physical pain according to research. And what happens when our body is being hurt? It will respond with pain signals. When you miss your ex-girlfriend like crazy, and feel lonely, extremely hurt, betrayed, and so on, all of these and many other emotions, as painful as they feel, they are actually a blessing in disguise. It probably doesn’t feel this way, but there’s something far worse than heartbreak: And that’s depression. 

Now, there are varying levels of feeling depressed, but the worst one is certainly severe depression. If you’ve ever been severely depressed, then you’ll know what I mean. An actual, clinical depression can literally make you faint — among many other bad symptoms. It’s as if your body literally weakens due to the constant, chronic, but barely noticeable pain. It’s not like something’s pinching painfully, very noticeably, it’s more as if something’s missing that you can’t put back inside of you.

As such, if you are currently “in quotes” hyperactive with your emotions, meaning you feel all kinds of negative emotions, then you should not only see this as something bad. At least, you’re feeling SOMETHING. Yes, obviously, you want to and should alleviate the pain. This entire channel is about moving on from heartbreak and letting go of an ex-girlfriend. But there are effectively two ways how you can let go of your ex-girlfriend:

One is because you work on yourself, create a new life identity and follow a new life plan. And the second way is absolute apathy, to the point where you no longer care about anything. I wouldn’t necessarily classify this as feeling empty, but rather, it is more a feeling of purposelessness. A feeling of not knowing why you should even still care about your ex-girlfriend, your job, your career, your business that you had dreamed of making a reality, and so on.

Breakups are the time when dreams can be made, or where they die. Your breakup pain right now can be a massive opportunity to inspire you to reach new heights in your life, and to show you that you can find happiness again on a level that you don’t even think possible. Or your breakup pain can be a source of indifference and weakness, where you choose to give up a little bit more on yourself day by day. 

And I’m not saying this to belittle anybody who’s feeling depressed. Rather, it’s a warning. Often, we don’t realize that we’re slowly losing our motivation in life. Depression doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process. For most of you guys who are currently struggling with your breakup, if you’re feeling a lot of pain, this is a good sign that you can now turn your life around, overcome that pain, and start something new.

That new thing, or these new things, will probably be hard to achieve, and some of the things you set your mind to may actually be things that you’ll never achieve. You might fail at lots of things and feel terrible about that. But if you now get up and decide to start a new life without your ex-girlfriend, you’re at least developing some momentum and at the very least, you will be setting a new direction for your life. Getting to that new place might take you a long time, but the first step for new beginnings is always to make up your mind about what it is that you’d want to achieve.

So if you’re feeling a lot of breakup pain right now and you’re missing your ex-girlfriend more than you could possibly imagine, then I hope you can see this as a sign. The pain of losing a precious girlfriend can be seen as a calling for greatness. Of course, it doesn’t feel that way when you are going through the agony of your breakup, but if you use that pain and channel it towards a positive goal, maybe even multiple big positive goals in life, then you can find something new that excites you.

At the very least, the bright side of missing your ex-girlfriend shows you that you are still full of emotions — even if they are mostly negative. Now all you have to do is use those negative emotions and flip them over in the opposite direction. 

My own personal experience with depression has been that the biggest trap to fall into depression is when you lose all your momentum, and get stuck in the same repetitive, and never forward-progressing cycle. This is not just about breakups, this is about life in general. When you get stuck, and do the same things over and over, that you can’t stand, that don’t make you happy, and somehow, every day revolves around the same monotony or sadness, it really buries you in a whole. And I guess, breakups are just like that… In a sense. You’re always stuck in the same mode of thinking about your ex and feeling hopeless. It’s not exactly the same, but I think it’s possible to transition into that feel of purposelessness. Where one day blends into the other, and you don’t even realize any longer how much you’re wasting your days and weeks, not really moving forward in life. I’ve been there, believe me. It’s a horrible feeling. 

So my suggestion for you guys is, even if you miss your ex-girlfriend like crazy and think about her a lot, the best thing you can do is to almost be on a schedule… To change what you’re doing occasionally. Not all the time, because then you might just be chasing one new thing, after another. But certainly, you have to monitor if, let’s say, you’ve been stuck in the same patterns of feeling depressed, lonely, sad, always at home, never going out, never traveling and so on. Are you actually doing something with your life? Are you trying to start again? Or are you just creating a really uninspiring pattern that repeats week by week? Trust me, it’s possible to break free from these patterns, or not even get stuck in them, if you notice them early enough.

For example, if you haven’t done anything of interest in the last 2 months, then you probably already should know that you need to make a change. When was the last time you went on a weekend trip, for example. To give you an example, to talk about my own latest shortcoming… I used to go on weekend trips almost EVERY week when I lived in the Philippines. But after COVID, and just feeling lost because I had to adjust to a new home, that I never really wanted to live in… I just realized I was at home all the time. Or working all the time. I certainly wasn’t enjoying life. And of course, that reflected on my depressed mood. When you notice these bad habits, you can break free from them, if you push yourself to change them. I hope you can make it through your breakup without depression, and if you notice that your days are becoming more and more dull, please try to find the courage to take action. 

Go on trips, hit the gym, meet new people, or even try out some new or even old hobbies. For example, I feel like, man, right now, I would love to play some Magic the Gathering again… Those were the good old days for me. Maybe I should! What about you? What’s something you could do to break up your patterns a little now that you’re single? I hope you’ll find something that’s fun. 

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you this time.