Is the “Get Your Ex Back” Strategy a Scam?
The short answer is: Yes
How do I know? I am a breakup coach. For three years, I coached many men on re-attracting their ex-girlfriend. In my work with my clients, I discovered the psychological principles that explain why no contact for re-attraction is almost always a bad idea. As a result, now I only teach how to move on from an ex-girlfriend and become confident again after heartbreak.
The No Contact Myth: Why Trying to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back Is Holding You Back
Are you a man desperately searching for ways to win back your ex-girlfriend? Maybe you’ve come across advice about the “no contact rule“ and thought it might be the key to rekindling your lost love. Using the 30 Days No Contact Rule sounds like a great solution. But does no contact really work to get an ex back?
As someone who used to teach men how to re-attract their exes, I’m here to share why this approach, while well-intentioned, is often counterprodutive and harmful to a man’s future happiness with women. Let’s look at 8 reasons why no contact doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to:
8 Reasons Why No Contact for Re-Attracting An Ex-GF is a Myth
No Contact Keeps You Stuck in the Past
When you’re focused on the no contact rule, you’re essentially living in a state of suspended animation, constantly thinking about your ex-girlfriend. Every day becomes about waiting, hoping, and analyzing. Did she post on social media today? Is she thinking about me? Should I break no contact if it’s been exactly 30 days?
This constant preoccupation with your ex prevents you from truly moving forward and meeting new women. Instead of processing your emotions and learning from the breakup, you’re trapped in a cycle of reliving memories and imagining reconciliation scenarios with your ex-girlfriend.
This not only prolongs your emotional pain but also prevents you from seeing new opportunities with other women who might be a much better match for you. Remember, while you’re looking backward, life is moving forward without you. The time you spend fixated on your ex is time you could be investing in yourself, becoming more attractive to women, leveling up your career, finances and looks — and potentially meeting someone new who appreciates you more.
The No Contact Rule Is a “Scam” — It’s Often Exploited by Breakup Coaches
The breakup industry is, unfortunately, rife with individuals who are more interested in profiting from your pain than genuinely helping you heal and become more attractive to women. Many “ex-back” experts exploit the vulnerability of heartbroken men by selling them on the idea that no contact is a foolproof strategy to win back an ex-girlfriend.
These coaches often package the no contact rule with other manipulative tactics and pre-made templates, presenting them as a magic formula for reconciliation with your ex.
But here’s the truth: There’s no simple solution to healing a broken relationship. These coaches are often selling false hope, keeping you trapped in a cycle of longing and preventing you from moving on to potentially better relationships.
Doing No Contact Makes You Ignore the Real Reasons for the Breakup
The no contact rule operates under the assumption that absence makes the heart grow fonder. This notion isn’t wrong. But while this often creates temporary longing in your ex-girlfriend, it does nothing to address the underlying issues that led to the breakup in the first place.
Relationships don’t end randomly – there are always reasons that need to be addressed. Whether they’re related to compatibility, communication issues, differing life goals, or personal problems.
By focusing solely on the strategy of no contact, you’re essentially putting a band-aid on a wound that requires much more profound treatment. If you were to get back together with your ex-girlfriend without having addressed these core issues, you’d likely find yourself right back where you started, facing the same problems that led to the breakup. And then you’d likely be stuck in an unsatisfying on/off relationship situation.
Real, lasting reconciliation — if it’s meant to happen — comes from personal growth, improved communication, and a mutual willingness to work on the relationship. No contact can help facilitate this but it won’t guarantee it. You can’t control if your ex-girlfriend will do her part for a better relationship.
No Contact Isn’t a Fantasy Scenario When Your Ex-Girlfriend Comes Back
The no contact rule often feeds into the misleading belief that ex-girlfriends always come back. While they usually do, it’s often too late, or in a way that you don’t like. I’ve worked with plenty of clients from all walks of life, who eventually moved on or were displeased with their ex-girlfriends.
The harsh reality is that many ex-girlfriends move on, find new partners, or simply decide they’re happier without rekindling the relationship. Even more crucially, if an ex-girlfriend reaches out to you after a long time, you might find that you’ve outgrown her and no longer want her back. Or you’ll be confused and unsure whether getting back together is still a great idea.
This realization can be jarring after investing so much emotional energy into the idea of reconciliation. The time spent fixating on your ex could have been used to process the breakup, grow as a man, and open yourself to potentially more fulfilling relationships.
The No Contact Rule Prolongs a Man’s Breakup Pain and Life Uncertainty
The no contact period is often described as a time for healing, but in reality, it can be an emotional rollercoaster that prolongs your pain and keeps you in a state of constant uncertainty about your ex-girlfriend. Every day becomes a battle between hope and despair. You might wake up feeling strong and determined, only to be plunged into sadness by a random memory or a song that reminds you of her.
This prolonged state of emotional limbo can be exhausting and detrimental to your mental health as a man. It’s like being stuck in the bargaining stage of grief, unable to move forward to acceptance. The uncertainty can lead to anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms of stress beyond what’s already normal for a breakup.
You might find yourself unable to concentrate at work, struggling to sleep, or neglecting your physical health. All of this takes a toll, not just on your emotional well-being, but on your overall quality of life and attractiveness to other women.
Waiting for an Ex Prevents Personal Growth & Becoming Attractive to Women
One of the most significant drawbacks of the no contact rule is that it can stifle personal growth and your ability to become more attractive to women. When you’re fixated on getting your ex-girlfriend back, you’re not focusing on becoming the best version of yourself.
Instead of using this time to reflect on your own needs, desires, and areas for improvement as a man, you’re strategizing about how to win back someone who chose to leave. This is a missed opportunity for profound personal development that could make you more appealing to women in general.
Breakups, as painful as they are, can be catalysts for positive change in men. They can push you out of your comfort zone, force you to confront your insecurities, and inspire you to pursue goals you might have been neglecting. Growth triggered by a breakup may even improve your dating skills and make it possible to date women out of your wildest dreams.
But when you’re stuck in the no contact mindset, you’re not fully embracing this opportunity for growth. You might make surface-level changes in the hopes of impressing your ex, but you’re not doing the deep, introspective work that leads to lasting personal transformation.
The most attractive version of yourself is the one that’s continually growing, learning, and evolving — not for your ex-girlfriend, but for your own fulfillment and to become a man who naturally attracts high-quality women.
It Ignores Attachment Styles and How They Influence your Breakup Psychology
The no contact rule fails to take into account the complex psychology of attachment styles, which play a crucial role in how we behave in relationships with women and how we handle breakups as an insecurely attached man.
Attachment theory suggests that our early relationships with caregivers shape our expectations and behaviors in adult romantic relationships. For instance, if you have an anxious attachment style, the no contact period might be excruciating, amplifying your fears of abandonment and driving you to break the rule or ruminating about your ex-girlfriend endlessly.
Understanding attachment dynamics is crucial to break free from this cycle. This accelerates your personal growth and helps you develop healthier relationship patterns with women.
Often, attachment styles are used to explain why an ex-girlfriend may not yet have reached out. But this explanation completely misses the mark. More crucially, they explain why going no contact almost never works, and why it creates a strong obsession pattern that needs to be broken.
Instead of using no contact as a tactic to win your ex-girlfriend back, you could be using this time to understand yourself better so you will be able to stop giving in your unhealthiest impulses after the breakup. Instead, you can work on developing a new sense of confidence so you will attract a jaw-dropping women.
No Contact Robs You of New Opportunities with Beautiful & Smart Women
When you’re rigidly adhering to the no contact rule with the hope of getting your ex-girlfriend back, you’re effectively closing yourself off to a world of new possibilities with other women. Life doesn’t stop because your relationship ended.
Every day that you spend fixated on your past relationship is a day you could be missing out on new experiences, connections, and opportunities for personal growth and meeting new, potentially better-suited women. You might be passing up chances to meet new women who could become friends, romantic partners, or valuable “networking” contacts who could introduce you to other great women.
You could be overlooking career opportunities that would make you more attractive to high-quality women because you’re not fully present or engaged in your work. You might be neglecting hobbies or interests that could bring you joy and make you more interesting to women.
Moreover, this fixation on the past can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you close yourself off to new experiences, the more you reinforce the belief that your happiness depends on getting back together with your ex-girlfriend.
Remember, sometimes the end of one chapter is necessary for the beginning of an even better one. By clinging to the past through no contact, you might be missing the chance to write an amazing new chapter in your life story with a woman who truly appreciates you.
What Men Should Do After a Breakup — A Better No Contact Strategy
After years of coaching men on how to use the no contact rule to get their ex-girlfriends back, I’ve come to realize that while it can be helpful for personal growth and finding peace, it often does more harm than good — no contact becomes a trap, leaving men unable to stop thinking about their ex-girlfriend.
The psychological principles at play, including attachment styles, can cause men to obsess and ruminate even with their best intentions. That’s why I wrote my book “No Contact Myth: Progress, Not Pursuit” (Why Men Must Move On And Not Chase Their Ex)
In This No Contact Rule Book, I share:
- What I’ve learned from coaching countless men, and the unintended consequences that arise from the no contact rule
- The truth about attachment styles and why they are the number one reason why doing no contact is a terrible idea to win an ex-girlfriend back
- Why the no contact rule is often misunderstood and why men crave to be deceived about getting their ex-girlfriend back
- The psychological reasons why men cling to past relationships with women and how to break free from the obsession about your ex-girlfriend
- What you can learn from your breakup with a woman and how you can improve your next relationship with a woman
- Strategies for personal growth after a breakup that will make you more appealing to high-quality women
- How to develop yourself as a man after a breakup and build confidence that doesn’t depend on your ex or any woman
- How to start dating again after a breakup and how to find a new girlfriend without losing hope
I’ll reveal why the no contact rule, as it’s commonly taught, can be misleading. While the core idea of giving yourself space to heal is sound, the way it’s marketed as a foolproof strategy to win back your ex sets unrealistic expectations. This advice keeps you stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment.
The truth is, no contact can be a valuable tool for personal growth and moving on, but it’s not the guaranteed path to reconciliation that it’s often portrayed to be. In fact, focusing too much on the rules and strategies of no contact can keep you stuck in a cycle of uncertainty, preventing you from truly healing and moving forward.
Don’t waste another day trapped in this cycle, pinning all your hopes on a strategy that might not deliver the results you’re seeking. It’s time to focus on the most important relationship in your life — the one with yourself — so you can become a man who naturally attracts amazing women after a breakup, whether that’s your ex or someone new.
Ready to stop chasing your ex-girlfriend and start building a brighter future for yourself? It’s time to discover a better approach to happiness that doesn’t depend on winning back your ex. Get your copy of “No Contact Myth” today and take the first step towards real healing, personal growth, and becoming the best version of yourself.
